Monday, August 8, 2011

Wrestling with a Child-like Paradigm

In Luke 1:35, the explanation given to Mary of "How can these things be?" is used by Chambers to explain that an incarnation in me requires submission of my "common sense self". The Eternal Innocent Child must always be in contact with His Father, always about His Father's business. Since this Child resides within me, it is my attachment to common sense that hinders the Son from reaching His Father. I find some serious limitations to this analogy.

One problem is that Jesus was innocent without ignorance. Children are not. Once a child learns something, they lose the innocence. In fact, early on, children will use means which are nothing like innocence to gain what they want. It's not evil in the sense of intentionally hurting others; it's evil in the sense of no regard for others. It is an inherent evil residing in everyone, regardless of culture. Psychologists call it "survival instinct" in order to make it seem more palatable. I can't be upset with a child for trying to do what he needs to do to survive, right?

The Son of God does not have such a "survival instinct." In fact Chambers points out that the interior life of the saint is to be making up what is lacking in the suffering of Jesus. That would mean that this Eternal Innocent Child within is following the same pattern of self-sacrifice, not self-preservation. Following this Child is not like following a child at all. I think what Chambers is seeking for is a way to describe the unsullied connection to the Father, untainted by the pragmatic systems of this world, its societies, and acceptable paradigms. I completely agree with that, but still wrestle to live it out.

I am still working under my own pragmatic paradigms, fear of being unaccepted by others, striving after the standards of others, and seeking my own comfort. I have just yesterday given up playing computer games for a while. I want to see if this affects my depression. I have not been to the doctor nor made an appointment, but I stopped complaining about it. I have gotten better, but not enough. I am leaving these off because I want to know whether they are affecting the depression or being driven by it. Since they may be another form of an addiction, the answer is probably both and, not either or.

This "fasting" from computer games is another way I am trying to remove something that could be hindering the Spirit of my Master from having His way in my life. There are weeds in the back yard that need attention (i.e. destruction), I have a trailer that needs to be emptied which requires a trip to the thrift store, I have a lawn that seems to need constant mowing (not really, it just seems that way), and to mow, I need to lower the mower which on this cheaper model means I need to remove the wheels and put them in the higher set of holes. These are things I don't do but instead, I play games. I tell myself I'm tired or have worked all day, or whatever I need to in order to protect my game time. The games need to go for a while.

So, without my childish games, can I still let the Eternal Child have His connection with the Father? The Eternal Son of God, my Master, His Spirit, and our Father, all of the Master of the universe, has decided that I am someone He wants to hang out with. But hanging out with me requires that I allow it. He doesn't crash the party of my life (well, actually, He does, but not like most party crashers), but calls to me to open the door of the core of my being. He can make me do it if He wanted, but He restrains Himself. Once I do open myself to Him, He takes up residence, and the house-cleaning begins. As I submit to His work of cleaning in my life, I become less entrenched in the paradigms of this world into which I was born, and more enmeshed in the paradigm of His perspective. The scene remains the same, but the colors and details change. That is what I am hoping for. That will be when I suffer in the clash of competing paradigms, and I will. Everyone else in the same circumstance has, why wouldn't I? Well, here I go.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, August 8

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