It's my belief about my Master that He will and has pushed me where it costs what is most dear. In the process of coming out here, at one point, I had to tell my wife that we needed to behave as if we were staying since Jesus had not made it clear we were moving west. I have taken time away from playing computer games to see its effects more clearly. I have had to admit I was wrong to a customer. These are things that may seem trivial, but here's what they accomplished.
I struggle with co-dependency, and more than anything in my family, want everyone to just get along with each other. Hurting my wife by telling her that her most obvious desire is not going to happen struck was difficult. I was causing the hurt I try to avoid in my family. Eventually, we did move, and the hurt turned out to be temporary, but I had no sense of that when I told her to plan on staying. Right now, my daughter is without friends (this neighborhood is somewhat like a ghost-town, it's weird). That means that part of my family is not provided a basic element of settling into this new place. That's hard to take.
The computer games have always been a sore point with my wife, but they are something I can do in the living room with my family while we watch TV. After the tension with my wife got to an uncomfortable point, I decided to take a look at what I was doing. I was playing a lot and I was not happy. Perhaps these two were linked. So I stopped playing. I can't say that I'm happier, but I did discover that I was using games to avoid projects around the house. I am a lot more productive without them. I still can't sit down and just enjoy TV, and sometimes I get up to snack (not great). But I have also wired stuff in a wall (only a month in the works), and have two more walls to go. I have replaced a kitchen faucet. And so on.
The thing about these items is that they were not what I wanted to do, but rather what I felt was right. I believe that my Master has been leading me in these decisions. They may not be specific issues for anyone else, but they are certainly for me. I don't believe my Master worked with me so I could tell others to stop playing computer games, or to wait and plan to be in a place until a move is made clear. Those are things He said to me. Those are issues I face in my struggles. Perhaps I will be able to encourage someone else with these later, but now they have been for me.
There are others as well. If I spent time inventorying things that my Master has told me to give up, or let go, or to do, or whatever which were counter to my desires or tendencies, I could fill this entry with them. These are more close to the surface and serve as examples. But when Chambers uses Jesus' response to the rich young ruler in Luke 18:22, and then says that if I have not heard Jesus say a "hard word" then he doubts I have heard anything at all, it bugs me. He makes it sound as if all my Master says are hard words. That's silly. These things my Master says to me are aimed at removing stumbling blocks in my relationship with Him.
To say that it has to be hard is difficult to support. That is a subjective evaluation. What is hard for me may be easy for someone else. What someone else struggles with my not be an issue for me. What defines hard? But my Master says what He does in order to draw me deeper into a more intimate relationship with Him. With the rich guy, He wanted the guy to do what he said. He was sad when he didn't. Peter and John left their business of nets; this guy didn't leave his wealth. There was a difference of response, not a difference of calling. I believe that my Master calls me from what is dear or natural for me into following Him, which is neither. At this point I can't imagine going back, and I can't really remember what I left. But I don't look at is as hard at this point. Whatever He asks me may be difficult for me, but it will always be worth it.
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