Humility, Ability, Swords and Armor

One of the things about Paul that always sort of intimidated me was his confidence in his own devotion.  In 1 Corinthians 15:10 he speaks of himself working harder than all the rest.  Even though he ends it with, “but not I but the grace of God with me” it still sounds like boasting, except I suspect he was right.  He seems like one of those people I run into from time to time who are so driven they reveal my own devotion for the poor sad façade it really is.  On the other hand, I need to be very careful here.  If I call my devotion sad and poor, I need to be careful to step on myself, and not on what my Master can and does do with me.

There are things I can control and am responsible for such as spiritual disciplines of one sort or another.  These things put me in greater availability to my Master.  As He uses me then things happen that have little to do with my abilities or condition.  I consider myself moderately successful in my past ministry, but not by the number of people saved, but by the effect I had on saved and lost alike.  I saw those apart from the church return, and I saw some never “churched” receive Jesus as Savior.  I was in the process of relationally reaching out to my community even when I was being undermined by some of my church leaders.

The success was not because of my ability.  What abilities I had and have lack the power of what my Master does.  I can “manufacture” somewhat something that looks vaguely like success.  But when my Master is the One succeeding, it is astounding.  So, I have to be careful where I point out my faults.  As long as they display my Master’s power and glory, I’m on the right track.  And I remain on the right track as long as I don’t tread on His power and ability.  I am not worthless, Jesus’ death proves that.  I am not worldly successful, though I have been blessed financially in this place (at least I think of it as blessed financially).  But I do have areas to work on in my life.

The areas where I lack are in my thorough devotion to my Master.  I let the influence of other people override the voice of my Master.  He makes divine appointments for me and I miss the out of fear of other people.  This is America, so it’s not fear of prison or physical harm either.  I clearly fear appearing foolish in their eyes.  What I can’t figure out is why I care.  I hardly know anyone here.  Why would I care what they think?  And even if I did know them, still, so what?  I used to be afraid of messing it up, but I have learned that my Master has that handled.  I act as more of a place-holder for the presence of my Master; it’s not my ability anyway.

So, my spiritual disciplines need to run more toward increasing my devotion to my Master, and practicing overcoming my fears.  That sounds deceptively easy.  I have always had more trouble attacking than defending.  But the gates of hell not prevailing against the confession of faith means it’s aggressive, not defensive.  I need to don my ill-fitting armor (on loan from my Master, so it doesn’t fit me well), grab my borrowed sword and shield, and get into the fray.  Okay, deep breath. One, two…THREE!!!  AAAAHHHHH!!!! (let’s hope this doesn’t end with a thud)

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 30

Where Do I Go From Here?

I am in an odd place with my Master right now.  I suspect that what I need is some different arrangement of my time with Him where I am more immersed in Scripture.  That is a problem for me because delving into Scripture takes a lot of time.  I suppose what I need is just more of a reliance upon it.  For instance, this morning, Chambers used John 16:14, which is a snippet from Jesus speaking about the coming of the Holy Spirit after He leaves.  There are statements about the Person and work of the Holy Spirit not found anywhere else.  It’s a very important and often overlooked passage by those pretending to focus on Him in their doctrine.

Here is where Jesus speaks of the work of the Holy Spirit in convicting of sin, righteousness and judgment.  He then proceeds to give reasons for this that are not easy to follow.  There are other statements about His work that are very interesting because they seem…peculiar as functions of the Spirit of my Master.  He is like a messenger in that He takes of Jesus and announces to the disciples.  He is like a judge in that He convicts, but He convicts the cosmos, not just the disciples or those who are believers.  And convicts the cosmos of righteousness because Jesus returns to the Father and the disciples no longer see Him?  That sounds odd.

There are elements to my understanding of the work and Person of the Holy Spirit where I simply have to be okay with not being able to reconcile with each other.  I confess that I don’t totally understand the work of conviction and the reasons given for that work.  I confess that I don’t always understand the way of communicating He uses.  But John refers to Him here as the Helper, literally the One coming along side.  I do understand that He is with me now, I do get that.  I may not be able to understand what and how He’s doing what He is, but I don’t doubt He is doing something.  I do sense His power at times.

I need more of the Spirit of my Master, I do sense that.  I want to hear the announcements of what is my Masters.  I want to sense the conviction of the cosmos.  I want to see the power of change working in my neighborhood.  I want these things.  But I’m not sure how I can experience them without proving the Spirit more to work with in me; which I believe happens when I spend more time in Scripture.  Perhaps once I have 360 entries I will begin to explore the book of John.  Then I will be immersed in the life of my Master, His Spirit, and be able to wrestle once again with my limited understanding of both.  Eternal life is knowing Him, right?

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 29

Grace and the Value of People

Once I explore the cross of Jesus, then travel through Saturday to the Resurrection, and then consider the possibility of living in both this physical world and the spiritual one; only then does the shape of grace begin to emerge.  It begins to clarify with the cross, and through the resurrection it gains definition, but then I see what I have been doing to myself spiritually and I see what my Master thought was such a price.  It is appalling to see what my Master purchased at such a cost. 

The value of sin-ridden, selfish rebels (aka humans) is found in the price paid by their Creator.  They have value just in that they were created by such a One as the Creator of the universe; that’s pretty remarkable and imparts value.  But their condition from that point on is a downward spiral.  Like fish or cut fruit, we go bad very fast when left to ourselves.  So the short shelf-life might be expected to reduce the value unless there was some gain or other payoff.  The pride of people in general, that they can somehow achieve the good standing they need, or all the good standing necessary, removes any such gain or payoff.

The value of human creatures is not found in the short supply, the supply grows at a staggering rate, and the value of life seems to plummet along with it.  The value of human creatures is only found in the going price paid by their Creator.  The realization that my value is found in my Master and nowhere else is not comfortable.  I want to have some power over my value, and I have no positive effect at all.  I want to somehow control my eternal fate, and all I can do is choose to submit to my Master.  I want to be able to gain the attention of others for my standing before my Master but I am outshined.

It is my continual self-centered nature that desires these things, and it is the grace of my Master, the freely given declaration of righteousness, that imparts value to my life.  My life is full of rebellion against my Master, limited self-centered assessment of my surroundings, and grandiose claims of importance.  But my boast should be in Christ alone, and Him crucified.  What I have to boast about, point to, and accept in my heart is that all my value comes from my Master; His extreme bid for a relationship with Him.

But I also need to recognize my value among my fellow human creatures.  It wasn’t for one that my Master paid such a price, but for the whole cosmos.  It was not just for me, but for my neighbors too.  The value I find in what my Master has done for me is the value of those around me as well.  There is no room for feeling superior or as if I am distinct in any other way than that I benefit from this value, and many of them do not.  Clearly there is no room for me to assess myself any higher than those around me. 

It is an underlying philosophy or philosophical position that when everyone is special, no one is; that specialness implies uniqueness.  That’s true in our cultural use of the word, but from the perspective of my Master, humanity is special in relation to all of creation.  His wider perspective does impart uniqueness to people, but not among themselves, among the rest of creation.  So, again, my value is along with, not over and above the value of others around me.  I’m not special among people (although I am fairly unique), I am special because I am a person; as is everyone else.  And yet there are the “elect” in Scripture; another evidence of grace.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 28

Living Life Through Another World

Is living in the world, but not being “of” the world possible?  I believe it is in the sense that the Scriptures use the word “of”.  In the original languages, the case of nouns normally translated with the preposition “of” is typically a possessive form.  Fortunately, “of” has this meaning in much of the English usage as well.  So, not be “of the world” would mean I’m not possessed by the world.  And in that sense I agree with the statement.  Chambers refers to Jesus living in another world rather than living aloof.  I believe that is an important key to a life in but not of this world.

Paul says that our battle is not against flesh and blood and then provides a list of enemies in the spiritual sphere; enemies we can’t see.  It is the awareness of this sphere that helps me live in another world while in this one, or will once I learn better focus on my Master.  The enemies Paul lists exist in the same sphere inhabited by my Master, and He is Master of that sphere too.  I don’t want awareness of the spiritual sphere to be aware of these enemies as much as to be aware of my Master.  It is His reality I am after. 

I referred to emotional problems, or problems that affect me emotionally, as “handles” for my spiritual enemies.  When I hold a grudge, harbor resentment, brood on a hurt, or revisit the feelings of a hurtful event, I am providing a hand hold for my unseen enemies.  They can use those to introduce ideas that are not from my Master.  Distracted by these, my selfish sense of entitlement rises and I have left focus on my Master.  Once there, I am easy prey for my spiritual enemies.  Focused on my Master, these emotional memories become more fodder for my sacrificial pyre, chaff of my life to be burned so He can continue to transform me.

These emotional hurts and hang ups come, but if my response if not awareness of this spiritual sphere my enemies in this sphere can attack me.  Awareness of this sphere enables me to continue focus on my Master putting these things before Him and receive His healing.  I believe this is a sort of spiritual discipline that will become automatic over time, but I have a lot of practicing to do.  I want to be so much in this sphere that it feels weird not to be.  That way I will more readily return to it when I am distracted from it.

What this awareness does is expand what I see around me.  It is no longer rude and obnoxious people (or shop keepers) that oppose me but their tormentors who sense in me their enemy.  When I am aware of this sphere, I respond to the proper enemy rather than their human victim.  How can I truly have a heart for those dead ones apart from my Master without being aware of their oppression which keeps them captive?  If I see them as merely annoying, I am missing the “rest of the story”, as Paul Harvey might describe it.  There’s more going on and I’m only seeing a portion of it.

I know mental and emotional oppression personally.  This should give me an even greater sensitivity to it.  And yet, my fear is not yet suppressed to the point I can be brave in the face of these enemies.  I still look at the wind and waves, and take my eyes off my Master.  I still wonder what it would look like, what people will think, and I succumb to the waves.  The gates of hell cannot keep out the truth of my faith, so why would I fear these enemies?  They are already defeated!  This is my Master’s will, that I engage this world with the awareness of His constant mastery over it all.  It is my connection to Him that enables me to engage.

The freedom I have enjoyed this past year is the path to this awareness.  It is really awareness more of my Master than of the enemies, but it includes them in the sense that I see them as defeated foes.  Seeing my Master more clearly, more consistently I will not fear to engage in life in this world.  Evil will not be my path, but peace and joy, even when surrounded by evil.   It is a righteous life of knowing my Master more.  I can’t think of a higher aspiration or better goal.  And I can’t think of anything else I can do that will affect my neighborhood more.  It’s time to put on my swim trunks and dive into the deep end of the pool!  Cannon Ball!

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 27

From Saturday to Sunday

I believe that the connection between the cross and the empty tomb is sometimes lost.  The power of my Master is not demonstrated on the cross as much as His determination to save His human creatures.  He showed the extent of His love and mercy there, but He showed His power through the empty tomb. 

On the other hand, the empty tomb is not really appreciated until the extent of my Master’s love is explored over and over as demonstrated on the cross.  So, I need both, and I need to appreciate them in order.  I need a focus and meditation on the Cross of Jesus so I can better appreciate the empty tomb.  Yesterday I was crushed by my meditation on the Cross of my Master.  Today I want to pause at the empty tomb.

The shock experienced by creation was then followed by such deep oppressive despair that it seemed there was no recovery.  Hope died with the Master on the cross.  Sure, all the sins of all of humanity were paid in that event, but now there was this gaping wound that is always left by death.  Death is relational, just like life is relational.  The Spirit could have come then and there would have been a revival of sorts, but there would have been this sense of a hollow victory.  Death would still have reigned supreme, even over the Creator.  And there was something about that which would not settle in the hearts of the disciples, and not in creation.

The debate over three days is odd to me.  Any part of a day includes that day.  We do that now.  We don’t measure it down to complete sets of 24 hours until we want to disprove something.  In normal usage, we just go with any part of a day.  So, Friday evening, and through Saturday, a doubly intense Sabbath, there was silence.  I imagine the silence to be dark silence, not bright silence.  I imagine an oppressive air where no one, not even Jesus’ enemies, felt light.  I suspect that there would have been such an air of hopelessness that it would have been as all life had stopped, as if in a moment of silent grief.  A day where silence permeates to the bones, and into the soul, chill and dark; that’s how I imagine that Sabbath day.

Part of this oppressive sense of hopelessness comes from the Creator Himself.  The unthinkable has happened; God has suffered the loss of The Son!  The Creator has lost the Uncreated One.  The Three are somehow Two.  The fundamental truth of the Source of the universe and all that holds it together has fractured and a piece is missing.  It is impossible.  It cannot happen.  It can’t!  How?  The crushing question is why, but now in the aftermath, even that answer seems lost in the echo of the darkness left behind.  Is this love?  Is this mercy?  The hole left in my heart from losing my father is nothing compared to the loss incurred by the Creator and His creation at the loss of the Son.  This Saturday is one of grief from the One and Only God right down to the infinitesimally small sub-atomic particle.  It is grief on a cosmic scale.  It crushes the world and the cosmos.

And then the unthinkable, unimaginable, shattering power of the Creator of the universe and all it contains totally annihilates the enemy that is death itself.  Light overwhelms the darkness, and shatters the grief spreading shards to the uttermost ends of creation.  Each shard carries the sound of the truth: HE IS RISEN!  Life sweeps out from that central point on the spinning blue globe and life stirs once again.  Creation takes a deep breath, not realizing it has been holding its breath, gasping for the life of the Son.  Joy so radiant in the darkness of grief that few dared hope it was true swept through the lives of 200 gathered together, and the ripples of that joy continued into Samaria, Judea, and all the ends of the earth.

Life, real life, returned from the grave of despair.  And this is the eternal life that they might know You the One True God and Whom You sent Jesus Christ.  I can know my Master now, I can speak with Him, listen to Him, seek His face, and worship Him.  But one day I will run with Him in the fields of Heaven!  I will worship before His throne!  I will see Him face to face, serve Him in His presence, and I will be who He truly made me to be.  He will give me a new name, and I will know His.  Then I will run and not be weary, walk and not faint.  I will fly, but only for the joy of my Master.  And all the joy of life will make up the air I breathe and the ground beneath my feet.  And I am not alone in this, but one of an unnumbered crowd all together in worship and joy; the voice of which will shake remaining debris of this life off like dust.  We will stand completely clean and whole before the Conqueror of death, Giver of eternal life.  And we will do so forever.

That is what the empty grave means to me.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 26