One of the motivating factors of my pursuits in philosophy of religion has been fear of feeling foolish for my faith. Said another way, it is a desire for respect and approval from other frail foolish people. This fear proves I lack the faith I feel foolish for professing. Which makes me feel even more foolish, feeding a degenerative cycle, like my addiction, only less obvious to me (probably real obvious to others).
The alternative is to accept my ignorance of my Master, and hold my faith without clear understanding. Afterall, I can't really ever understand my Master. Even before His throne I will profess my ignorance of His glory and magesty, even seeing Him with my eyes, I won't comprehend His magnificence. Ignorance is simply accepting reality.
This does not mean I won't seek more knowledge and experience of my Master. It doesn't mean I won't seek answers to issues that others bring against my faith in my Master. What it means is that I won't let elusive answers cause me fear or shame.that would be a big step for me. I need to accept not knowing an answer to issues posed against faith in my Master. There is no better use of my time or abilities than to seek more of my Master. But I will no longer seek out of fear and shame.
The results I hope to experience with this spiritual discipline of ignorance is peace based on faith, and comfortable ignorance. It is a reflection of reality after all. It's not to my credit, but to my deficit that I would need such a discipline. Most believers may not agree with such a discipline, but they may not share my weakness of fear and pride. My particular set of frailties requires such a discipline.
The peace that comes from childish faith will endure regardless of 'advances' in human knowledge. Child-like is a term for adults afraid of seeming immature - I'm okay with my immaturity, like my ignorance. I can't have faith and fear that the faith is groundless. He two are mutually exclusive. I can have faith, seek understanding, and be comfortable in my ignorance. If you don't believe me, just watch and see how comfortably ignorant I can be.
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for Highest, November 13 - Readings
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