Who's Wife Is It Anyway?

After Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Abram's wife Sarai took Hagar the Egyptian, her maid, and gave her to her husband Abram as his wife. (Genesis 16:3 NASB)

One of the most difficult things to factor into interpretation of the Bible is ancient near eastern culture.  In this verse there at least three, and an argument can be made to include more.  Abram and Sarai are from southern Mesopotamia, live in Canaan, and Sarai has an Egyptian maid.  If the variety of cultures represented in Canaan are included, the number increases by at least double.

I bring this up because this verse says that Sarai gave Hagar to Abram as his wife.  From the context, it doesn't seem that this meant that Hagar had the status that Sarai had with Abram, as understood by either Mesopotamian; unless this is the reason Sarai complains to Abram rather than just runs Hagar off.  On the other hand, Hagar the Egyptian seems to think her status equals or exceeds Sarai.  When God weighs in on the subject, He comes down on the side of Abram and Sarai.  We're never told what the Canaanites thought. 

What if Sarai wasn't quite sure what to think of Hagar's status nor hers before Abram?  Abram's response to her demonstrates that he still sees Hagar as his wife's maid, not another wife of the same status as Sarai.  What if Abram's not sure either which might be why he didn't step in earlier on Sarai's side.  On the other hand what male would do that?  That's just asking for trouble, because we never really know if we truly understand the problem, ever.

I pose this conundrum because I often run the risk of two dangers, both of which are deadly to understanding the inspired Scriptures and my Master who inspired them.  The first danger is interpreting too quickly without asking about the cultural influences, and trying to minimize my own.  This makes Abram and Sarai living and acting in America of the Twenty-first Century, which is obviously ridiculous.

The second is falling in love with my interpretation once I reach one.  When such cultural influences from several millennia cloud my understanding (and anyone else's) I have to accept the possible variety of understandings.  What I risk by loving my own is missing the view of my Master gained from the perspective of others.  He is far too magnificent to fit into a single mind, especially one clouded by self-love.  It's early, and my head is already fuzzy; the coffee is gone, and another is needed.  What I need to do is let those be the only clouds of my mind.  So, I suppose I need more practice.

Hearing The Hearing God Without Being Distracted By Him

Gen 16:11-14 (NASB)

11 The angel of the Lord said to her further,

“Behold, you are with child,
And you will bear a son;
And you shall call his name Ishmael,
Because the Lord has given heed to your affliction.
12 “He will be a wild donkey of a man,
His hand will be against everyone,
And everyone’s hand will be against him;
And he will live to the east of all his brothers.”
13 Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “ You are a God who sees”; for she said, “ Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?” 14 Therefore the well was called Beer- lahai- roi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.

God commands that the "wild donkey of a man" be called Ishmael, meaning "God hears". But Hagar (and everyone using the well) called God, the God Who sees. It's not like I have to choose which one is right, but this is somewhat like today: I choose for myself which truth of God I want today, rather than listen for His lesson.

Again, it's not that the truth I choose isn't truth, it's more that it's not the lesson my Master is teaching me about Himself right then. Ironically, here He calls Himself the Hearing God, but Hagar isn't listening. She's so distracted by having seen God and survived. Again, not wrong, just ironic.

How patient my Master is with me to teach me but permit me to walk away with a different lesson. What do I miss when I do that? I perceive Truth when I meet my Master, He is the Truth, the Way, and the Life. Yet when I come away with a different truth than the truth He has for me, what have I lost? Perhaps the good versus the best, or perfect?

The question, or application, or lesson is "Do I listen to the Listening God, or am I too distracted by another of His 'Truths' to hear the one He has for me today?" He is the Listening God, but am I His listening servant? It's good to be called His Knight and His servant; I am close to Him by invitation. But am I hearing what He says or distracted by what I see? I suppose once again it's a pride issue, and a submission issue. Why am I not through these yet?  Well, I suppose I have some quiet listening to do. I better get on it.

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Who's In Charge Here?

After Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Abram's wife Sarai took Hagar the Egyptian, her maid, and gave her to her husband Abram as his wife. He went in to Hagar, and she conceived; and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her sight. And Sarai said to Abram, "May the wrong done me be upon you. I gave my maid into your arms, but when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her sight. May the LORD judge between you and me." But Abram said to Sarai, "Behold, your maid is in your power; do to her what is good in your sight." So Sarai treated her harshly, and she fled from her presence. (Genesis 16:3-6 NASB)

I have often wondered about Sarai's character, here and in other passages.  I have wondered what she knew and understood about her husband's faith, and wondered whether she shared it overly much.  This passage is one of those small windows into her character.  But it only provides a small glimpse of what kind of woman she was. 

She arranges the surrogate mother thing between Abram and her maid, Hagar.  He complies, and it works.  But Hagar doesn't follow the program, instead, treating Sarai as if the child will belong to Hagar.  Sarai, doesn't deal with Hagar as a lady to her maid, but goes to Abram.  It's an interesting move, that may give insight into the household relationships.  To someone from our culture, it might sound as if Sarai is being disrespectful to Abram, but I don't think so.  I think that, rather than assume Hagar has no position before Abram, she asks.  That seems rather submissive even if her wording is very intense.

Depending on what they understood of the promise God made with Abram, perhaps Hagar saw herself as the "mother" of that promise.  Regardless of what was going on in her heart and head, she treated Sarai with contempt.  The word used is the same word used for "curse" in Genesis 12:3, with reference to those who might curse Abram.  It is the opposite of "honor" using the same imagery of weight; to honor is to "make heavy" and to despise is "to make light".  This is a very wrong move for a slave girl to make. Her consequence is to be driven off.  She realizes that her status in the household is not as she assumed, but only too late.


Sarai invokes the name of God to Abram, calling Him as Judge between them.  This at least acknowledges that Abram has faith.  Yet, in previous passages, she goes along with decisions of Abram that would require tremendous amounts of trust in her husband's faith; trust that would have to transcend Abram and attach to God.  She would have to agree and even understand for herself the character of God to permit the sacrifice of Isaac.  She would need some stiff faith to allow Abram to refer to her as his sister repeatedly.  So what is it here?


Here I believe that Sarai is forcing a point with Abram, but also seeing where his heart is.  From a passage later on (actually chapter 17, I think), it becomes clear that Abram really loves Ishmael and wants the promise of God to go through him.  God has other plans, but if that is true, it's possible that Sarai was right to "test the ground" with her husband before running off his hope of a fulfilled promise.  


I guess what I bring away from this is that, in my dealings with those around me, I should be willing to clarify my understanding of where others are with God before running off willy nilly with what I think.  I should instead return to the picture I used ages ago in a church where we had a puzzle of Noah's ark.  Everyone in the church got a puzzle piece, and not all the pieces were handed out (not enough people in the church to complete the puzzle).  The resulting image was complete enough to see what it was, but still not complete enough to finish the picture.  The point was that our vision from God takes a church with each person working with the gifts God gives, including leadership.  It all fits together, or should.


The results are not perfect though.  People may work with the gift they want instead of the gift God gives.  People may not walk in the call they are given, or fearlessly follow the piece of the vision God has given them.  People don't always listen to others, including God.  It's hard for me to wait for the complete vision, seeking to move ahead, champing at the bit to get to the next thing God wants to do.  While that is good in a sense, it also becomes a distraction to listening.  Like Sarai, I need to test the ground before my Master.  I believe I know what I'll find, as Sarai probably knew.  But assuming is usually wrong, even if it's right.

Finding My Master in Sin CIty

Now the angel of the LORD found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, by the spring on the way to Shur. (Genesis 16:7 NASB)

Why would the Angel of the LORD be on the way to Shur (southern region of Canaan near Egypt)?  My guess is that He was looking for Hagar.  The promise to Abram wasn't involved here.  This isn't about the land nor about Abram's descendants.  So, why do this?

This is clearly an act of grace, but it takes place in the midst of Hagar's consequences for mistreating Sarai.  Since she was the surrogate she didn't have the status of wife (per se) since she was the hand maid.  She would have known that, so it's very possible that she mistreated Sarai out of pride.  She sinned, and yet here is the Angel of the LORD looking for her.

The character of the LORD shown here is so reminiscent of Jesus.  He sought the surprising people to show favor.  The widow giving only one mite was worth His rapt attention and praise.  The tax collectors, Levi and Zachaeus were both worthy of His attention and friendship.


I see the same pattern with me.  I fall down and He raises me up.  He seeks me when in the midst of my temper tantrums, doldrums, and pity parties.  Right now, I'm doing great.  I'm in "Sin City", Nevada, yet here among the smut, I realize my Master is still seeking me.  I'm not sinning, I'm not running from the consequences of my past, and I'm not sunk in pride.  Not at the moment.


Finding that I've been found my Master is so comforting.  It reminds me that He truly is close, He has my back, He loves me, and I am called to submit to be His servant.  Even here surrounded by self-centered indulgence I am a Knight of the Realm, Servant of The King.  Well, it's time to grab my lance and horse, and get back to work!

Isn't Enough That A Sacrifice Be Willing? Must It Be Perfect?

And according to the Law, one may almost say, all things are cleansed with blood, and without shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.   Therefore it was necessary for the copies of the things in the heavens to be cleansed with these, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.   For Christ did not enter a holy place made with hands, a mere copy of the true one, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us; nor was it that He would offer Himself often, as the high priest enters the holy place year by year with blood that is not his own.  Otherwise, He would have needed to suffer often since the foundation of the world; but now once at the consummation of the ages He has been manifested to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself. (Hebrews 9:22-26 NASB)

It's late and my brain is tired, yet I am wired with thoughts of my Master.  They are my thoughts, and seek to reach out for His face.  I have seen a movie made by people (the ones made by monkeys are to be avoided), and it sought the highest form of humanity attainable.  In it, a man, exceptional in that he bridged two worlds, to bring peace to both, sacrificed himself to destroy the evil that would destroy them both.  Yet, he was not a "perfect" sacrifice, just an exceptional one.

This is the best we can do.  We can hope for an exceptional one to do what we cannot.  We know it as beings of the same species, yet we deny it in so many ways.  In the movie, the one on the brink of victory in the war had to admit that a common enemy was too great even for them.  They didn't want to, but in the end, they decided to compromise, and withdraw just as they were to win.  The exchange was that this exceptional human would allow himself to be used to defeat the common enemy.

God dreams much greater than we do.  We cannot imagine perfection, yet He is.  We can't imagine His holiness, yet He is holy.  We cannot imagine limitless power sacrificing without an exchange, without the necessity to compromise.  Yet my Master is limitless in power, and without compromise defeated the common enemy, which ironically, we had created.  Call it death or call it sin, it amounts to the same thing.  Death is separation from our Maker, and sin is missing His target.  Either way we miss Him. 

And yet I still rage against my impotence, my inability to control what I can see and experience.  I am still in the Garden grasping the role reserved for my Master.  I still want to persist the illusion that I am in control of something real and tangible, and is what makes me safe.  I deny in so many ways the truth that the only thing I control is my choice of my Master.  I deny that once I choose Him, then He gifts me the self-control others around me perceive in me.  I deny so often that my purpose on this earth is so very different from what I think I want, what I think others around me want, or what I see.

So after the credits rolled, I glorified my King.  I raised my head to heaven and acknowledged that I need a PERFECT Savior.  I need Jesus.  I need One willing yet PERFECT sacrifice to fix my wrong.  I have an enemy which I created by choosing anything beside my Master.  I picked the fruit, I ate, I desired the knowledge of good and evil, and I wanted that role and throne reserved for my King.  I need the PERFECT sacrifice only able to come from the One against Whom I rebelled.  I chose the sin, and yet He chose to provide the salvation.  I chose to rebel against His authority and rule, and He chose to rescue me from my choice.

But my Master guides a large boat through waters filled with those drowning in their own choices.  He wants to fill it with His creatures whom He has given the perfect sacrifice to own.  I cry out not about myself, or even of the boat, but of the Master of the ship.  It is His guidance of the boat that saves, a boat He created as well.  He made the silly drowning people, and the means by which they might be saved.  Now the swelling humanity within the ark of salvation must cry out to the drowning victims of self-righteousness and declare the salvation from the Ship Master.

And yet, not only do I continue to rebel, I continue my silence.  I will have much to answer for when I appear before my Master in His final Kingdom.  But I also have opportunity tomorrow to be a noisy klaxon of my Master. There's still hope; for me and for them.

Trial and Error or Recon by Fire: An Option To Find The Will of God

So Sarai said to Abram, "Now behold, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Please go in to my maid; perhaps I will obtain children through her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. (Genesis 16:2 NASB)

In the Ancient Near East (ANE), surrogate motherhood was not an unheard of solution for barren women of wealth and status.  In that culture the woman acting as the surrogate gave birth sitting on the lap of the intended mother in the birthing chair.  The child was then "born into the lap" of the intended mother.  Not terribly comfortable for anyone.

So, in the case of Abram and Sarai, the option of surrogate motherhood seemed like a valid one.  After all, God had said the promised child through whom would come the descendants like the dust and stars would come through Abram.  He hadn't mentioned Sarai in His promise.  Given the length of time between discussions, it could easily be assumed, God was not waiting on them.  Typically, Abram and Sarai (particularly Sarai) get a bad reputation here, and it probably isn't deserved.  In fact, their search technique for finding the will and direction from God is actually fairly common.

Don't just stand there do something!  We say it, we think it about ourselves.  Our culture tells us that activity is better than passivity.  I have bought into it, and I'm not alone.  I'm told this axiom by my employer, by my friends, wife, family where I came from, and myself.  On the other hand, over a decade ago, a new version had become popular, "Don't just do something, stand there!"  It's not as popular as it used to be.

One of my weaknesses is procrastination.  It's a weakness I plan on working on one of these days.  I am an avoid-er of things I should do, I know it, and I beat myself up about it.  I feel shame about it.  I sense the failing, the fear, the empty courage.  But in coming out here to Nevada, I had to face the fear of acting according to everyone else.  I waited on the opportunities and direction of God, and moved to obey without waiting for resources to do so.  It was one of the most faithful processes I have ever had the joy of participating in.

So, I know that sometimes what my Master tells me is to wait.  Then, for me, waiting is an act of obedience.  And at times, He says to go or move or do, and to then to wait for more from Him is to disobey.  In Genesis 16, Abram has been waiting, but it doesn't say how long.  The word from God at first was lots of descendants.  Then it was expanded to be lots of descendants from Abram.  To this point, Abram has moved and been obedient to the vague direction of his God.  He has believed his God, and that belief has been credited to him as righteousness. 

One detail he was given was that his descendants innumerable would not possess the land until after 400 years of slavery.  In other words, after waiting a long time.  So, Abram knew that waiting was included in the promise.  But the child to come through him really couldn't wait all that long, at some point Abram would die.  So, while he had been waiting and knew that waiting was included in the "land" part of the promise, he also knew that there was a limit on how long he could wait for the "descendant" part of the promise.

In this passage, really the only clue we have that this option was wrong was the discussion between the Angel of the Lord and Hagar.  There we discover that Ishmael would be blessed (sort of) as well, but was not the child of the promise.  So, the option of a surrogate mother was not how God intended to fulfill His promise to Abram.  The practical conventionally wise solution under the circumstances was not the leading of God.  But it didn't bother God either.  In fact He wove the child of Hagar into His will and work all throughout the life of His chosen people. 

In this instance trial and error wasn't working for Abram and Sarai to find the path to the promise of God.  This would have been an "error".  That's an option I often choose to find the will of my Master.  I can always tell by the "error" result that it's not working.  And I'm not really sure when I don't fail that I've truly found His path.  I wonder if He is "permitting" something I've chosen to attempt, as in His blessing of Ishmael; not great, but useful for later.  I realize that not knowing the will of my Master is never comfortable.  Sometimes I need to wait for His direction and act.  Sometimes I need to act when He speaks while I'm still blind.  The key is listening for His voice.  Actually, no, the key is hearing His voice, and receiving the whole message.

So, wait or not to wait.  How do I know?  Do I attempt to discover His will by trying various things until something works?  In the military we called that "recon by fire" where we would direct fire into an area where we suspect the enemy might be hiding.  Sometimes we would hit them, but most of the time we didn't.  Either way, we didn't loose a soldier.  Is that the way my Master wants me to find His will?  It doesn't seem so from this passage.  Perhaps I should put away my "guns" and make myself comfortable in the gallery outside the Throne Room of the King of Kings; read a book, drink coffee, pace the floor, I know the drill.

Obtaining The Promise of God

Gen 16:2 2 So Sarai said to Abram, “Now behold, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Please go in to my maid; perhaps I will obtain children through her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.

In the Ancient Net East, barren women of 'rank and privilege' would have a surrogate mother bear them a child. It was a strange custom where the surrogate mother would sit in the lap of her barren mistress in the birthing chair. Not comfortable for anyone really. So what Sarai proposes is a valid 'cultural' solution.

To be fair, God had clarified the promise of descendants by saying they would come from Abram; He hadn't mentioned anything about Sarai having the child. And with her being barren, it wouldn't have been an obvious assumption for them. So Sarai and Abram have received much undeserved criticism over the years for trying to "creatively" help God; they are just seeking His will like so many do today, by trial and error.

I think I do that a bit too much sometimes. I try to seek the will of my Master by trying stuff until I find the one that works. The one that works must be His will, right? Not here. God was working to bring about Isaac, but still permitted Ishmael. That may not have been where He was leading Abram and Sarai, but He worked with that too.

So when I seek the will of God, how do I know I have the whole thing yet? God hadn't mentioned Sarai, and culturally Hagar could have born her a legitimate son. What should they have waited to see or hear to know Sarai was the chosen mother? 

Any answer to this question is speculation, regardless of who, what, where, or how makes up the answer. Scripture doesn't say, and clues are subject to various interpretations. Here's mine, they should have waited for more detail just like they had been doing. In other words they were already doing what they were supposed to do. The only reason I say that is because they hadn't been given new direction. That's not a great reason. Suppose God hadn't given further direction because they didn't need any. As long as Abram was the father the promise was being kept, right? All along God has gone from vague to less vague; details have been in short supply. They moved their entire lives on less info from God.

Sometimes staying the course already plotted is good and God's will for change will happen more than be found. But sometimes God's will has enough latitude to include enough options I can choose among several. The factor in my choosing is often what I believe diminishes me and glorifies Him. In choosing among options or waiting for more direction, the motivating drive must be His glory or I will fail. And that's not a great option.

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AOL, Generosity, and Resources

Now the angel of the LORD found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, by the spring on the way to Shur.  He said, "Hagar, Sarai's maid, where have you come from and where are you going?" And she said, "I am fleeing from the presence of my mistress Sarai."  Then the angel of the LORD said to her, "Return to your mistress, and submit yourself to her authority."  Moreover, the angel of the LORD said to her, "I will greatly multiply your descendants so that they will be too many to count."  The angel of the LORD said to her further, "Behold, you are with child, And you will bear a son; And you shall call his name Ishmael, Because the LORD has given heed to your affliction.  "He will be a wild donkey of a man, His hand will be against everyone, And everyone's hand will be against him; And he will live to the east of all his brothers."  Then she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, "You are a God who sees"; for she said, "Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?"  Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.  (Genesis 16:1-14 NASB)

There has been lots of debate over whether the "angel of the LORD" was actually "the LORD" as opposed to an intermediary.  The account in Genesis 16 is the first appearance of this Bible character.  And in this account is also the first reference where the Messenger is closely tied with the One sending the message.  They are connected so closely, in fact, that to see the Messenger is to see the One sending the message.

Hagar had fled because she had treated Sarai, her mistress, with contempt and Sarai drove her away.  She had treated Sarai with contempt because she had become pregnant by Abram at Sarai's insistence.  Since she had become pregnant when Sarai couldn't she had contempt for Sarai; she forgot her place.

The Angel of the LORD (AOL, a better meaning than "America Online") finds Hagar on the way south back to Egypt (where Hagar is from).  There He opens the conversation with the question, "Where are you coming from and going to?"  One of the elements to this story that isn't questioned much is what did Hagar experience in this encounter that she could hold this conversation?  She replies, but did she see someone for her talk to?  It seems she did.  So the AOL is a visible character, and this is not a dream of Hagar's.

He helps her figure out what to do, how to behave, and what will happen.  It isn't all good news.  Her son will be a wild donkey-man; not all that encouraging.  And nestled away in this description is the news that Ismael will not be the "promised one".  Again, that couldn't be all that encouraging either.  Yet, there is the promise that her son would be a great nation with lots of descendants as well.  That was encouraging.  Bad news and good news; or good news, but not all that good.

So, after getting her "marching orders", she worships (called on the name of the LORD), and gives God a new name, El-Roi (yep, like the Jetsons, "...his boy Elroy...").  But for her it meant, "The God Who Sees", or "...sees me."  Her explanation for this is her wonder that she "remained alive after seeing Him."  So, Hagar understood that seeing AOL was the same as seeing the LORD. 

So, what's the point for me?  Hagar saw a physical manifestation of God.  From my perspective as a follower of Jesus, I call such sights Jesus, the physical manifestation of God as a man.  This is not a "required" understanding by any means, but for many (or some), these are categorized as "pre-incarnate appearances of Jesus"; a long fancy title for visits by Jesus before being born of Mary.  For many others, this is just impossible to consider; a ridiculous proposition.

That such appearances are of an "angel", and since the writer of Hebrews says in chapter 13:2 that some have entertained angels without knowing it just by being hospitable, I ascribe greater importance to being hospitable.  It's not just a messenger I might entertain, but the Message Sender!  If it's possible that Jesus could have visited Hagar on the road to Egypt, isn't it possible that He could also visit me in Northern Nevada?

I had a pastor once tell me that I should be careful to look for "demons under every rock" by which he meant, not everything bad is demonic, but often just people exercising their right to be foolish.   Such a view point also works for this.  I shouldn't look for Jesus in every stranger who shows up unlooked for.  On the other hand, I should be hospitable in general because I never know.  Jesus makes this interesting distinguishing evaluation of people at the final judgment in Matthew 25:31-46.  He basically points out that the "sheep" were generous and hospitable to Him without knowing it, and the "goats" weren't generous or hospitable to Him without knowing it.  Now he does make the point of saying that the "least of these" are opportunities to be generous and hospitable to Him, but still, the connection is there. 

So, the AOL inspires me to be hospitable and generous with others, perhaps with my church, and with my family. I can't look at my resources and decide that I can't afford to be hospitable, the calling the judgment of my Master is pretty clear on this point.  If He has called me to such actions so clearly in His Scriptures, then it really is up to Him to supply the resources.  I may not be able to afford to be hospitable, but my Master can.  So, when I need a simple disbursement, I know that I can have it because I'm simply obeying my Master, the Source of all I need anyway.  The resources are not my problem, only the submission and obedience.  That's nice to know.

Greetings From The Eternal Creator of All Matter: That's all I want

After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, "Do not fear, Abram, I am a shield to you; Your reward shall be very great." (Genesis 15:1 NASB)

After Abram defeats the victorious kings of the east with a small band of nomads and three brothers is when God says this.  "After these things..." refers to returning from the battle and after-battle party.  If Abram can defeat a large army of four kings why does he need a "shield"?  If he gave all the booty back and kept nothing, if his wealth was too great to support both he and Lot in the same place, then doesn't he already have a great reward?  He clearly wasn't looking for a reward, or he would have kept a portion of the spoils or the whole of it the king of Sodom offered to him.

So when God shows up again, why start His dialogue this way?  If I'm doing well, and I have just experienced a rousing success, why would God come to me and say I am your protection where you're strong.  Don't I need the encouragement where I'm weak?  Wouldn't it make more sense to discuss, as Abram dives right into, Abram's childlessness?  Why would the All-Knowing Creator of the universe dive into what is of little interest to Abram?

Abram brings up two things that argue against the promise that his "reward will be very great."  First, he's childless.  Second, a guy from his household, an employee, is set to gain all Abram's wealth when he dies.  This does not support the earlier promise of descendants like the dust.  Perhaps God does not include that in His opener, but Abram wastes no time going there.

Abram's change of topic couldn't have surprised God.  He goes there with Abram, so He must be okay with it.  So why not start there?  I believe at this point, questioning along this line is where I explore the character of my Master in greater depth.

Right off the top, I find something without having to "interpret" into the text, or theorize about what it means.  God and Abram have a very close relationship, like close friends rather than the God of the universe and a goat-herd.  I think that in the past, I have read passages like this and glossed over it so fast I missed a critical piece.  I assume that God is not that distant then like He is now (so many things wrong with that assumption).  I just put the people (including God) into that mundane bucket of "Bible people"; all who have experiences with God that don't happen any more.  It so disconnects the story from my life that making a practical connection back is nearly impossible.

God and Abram "discuss" things.  The opening of God is like a "greeting" as much as it is a promise.  It contains a promise, but it's like, "Hail, worthy friend" in format.  It's not so much a promise as it is a blessing.  It is the etiquette of visiting and hospitality in the Middle East.  And the King of the Universe, in the midst of forming stars and swirling galaxies, takes the time to visit His friend Abram, even following etiquette as He does so.  That is shocking! That flies in the face of the mundane, the ordinary, the imaginable.  Can you imagine if Mamre was also visiting, here is Abram introducing the two, "This is my good friend Yahweh, Maker of all things.  Yahweh, this is my buddy Mamre, but, of course, You already knew that..."

Of course, this is a vision, not a physical visitation (that comes some chapters later).  Still, it is a visitation, and God opens with a blessing.  It is like two people now a days greeting with a handshake.  Can you imagine, in a dream, God visits and greets you with a handshake?  How about with one of those shoulder-touch man-hug handshakes?  And this vision keeps going as Abram is awake, by the way, so this is not technically a dream.  In this account, there may not be someone visibly with Abram, but the conversation clearly indicates God was right there with Abram, visible or not.

Okay, the obvious application here is that I want that relationship!  Sure God doesn't  visit every day, but still, like this, once every 12 years or so, I want it!  It's just not acceptable to say that things are different now.  God didn't preserve this account for 4000 years for me to say that things are different, and that's just not how God works now.  Obviously He can.  Obviously He will.  Clearly it's not outside the realm of possibilities with God, and it is also well within the bounds of a relationship with Him.

I just saw a movie the other night where some guy who didn't believe in fairies is taken "Fairyland" and a forced to serve a sentence because of his "dissemination of disbelief".  People can imagine fairies, but having a sit down with God over coffee discussing the day is too fantastic.  Even the "Almighty" movies don't quite approach this level of intimacy with God.

Here's the sad part for me, I am a follower of Jesus, believing that God has raised Him from the dead, confessing Him as Lord and Master, claiming that He is both God and man.  That means that His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, has taken up residence in me.  The Spirit of the Living God resides in me.  It's not that I have "earned" this or that I finally convinced Him to visit.  He lives here.  What possible excuse do I have to NOT have this relationship?  What is wrong with me?  This should be the "normal" of my life, not the exceptional dream!

To be fair, there is a lot of talk about "quiet times" and "time alone with God" and I get that.  I've said it myself, and I believe that my time with God in prayer is vital to my relationship with Him.  But to be honest, not just fair, I have never had God visit ME, open the conversation with a normal social greeting, and He and I just dive right into a conversation.  Things have occurred to me, seemingly random, but clearly from the Spirit of my Master.  That's not the same thing.  I believe God has spoken to me, given me insight, and even spoken through me in Bible studies and sermons.  Those are not the same thing. 

Maybe my problem is that they should be, but to me, they are not the same.  My experiences in prayer, study, and speaking do not replicate the pattern I see in Genesis 15:1; they just don't.  I don't want to hear or make excuses for this.  I don't want to lower my desire, using the excuse that God doesn't work this way any more.  I have heard that since we have the Scripture He speaks through that.  I have heard that with His Spirit within us, He speaks through the promptings of the Spirit instead of like here in Genesis.  No!  I want this level of intimacy!  I want it! 

I want to know and be so close to God that no one can see me, talk to me, or even think of me without also seeing my Master, including Him in the conversation (or feel like they're interrupting), and thinking of my Master too.  I want to talk to Him like I speak with my wife, be as close or closer with Him than I am with my wife.  I can't jettison this desire because I've put my Master in a "new box" that doesn't include such things.  That's not acceptable to me.  I want the handshake-shoulder-touch-man-hug with my Master, Maker of all space, time, the earth, all matter, stars, and sub-atomic particles.  Is that too much to ask?

The Righteous Request for Proof?

Then he believed in the LORD; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness.  And He said to him, "I am the LORD who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this land to possess it."  He said, "O Lord GOD, how may I know that I will possess it?"  So He said to him, "Bring Me a three year old heifer, and a three year old female goat, and a three year old ram, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon."  Then he brought all these to Him and cut them in two, and laid each half opposite the other; but he did not cut the birds.  The birds of prey came down upon the carcasses, and Abram drove them away.  Now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and behold, terror and great darkness fell upon him.  God said to Abram, "Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, where they will be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years.  "But I will also judge the nation whom they will serve, and afterward they will come out with many possessions.  "As for you, you shall go to your fathers in peace; you will be buried at a good old age.  "Then in the fourth generation they will return here, for the iniquity of the Amorite is not yet complete."  It came about when the sun had set, that it was very dark, and behold, there appeared a smoking oven and a flaming torch which passed between these pieces.  On that day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, "To your descendants I have given this land, From the river of Egypt as far as the great river, the river Euphrates: (Genesis 15:6-18)

Abram has just had his belief credited to him as righteousness by the Creator of the heavens and the earth.  The statements of God continue, and Abram asks, "How may I know that I will possess it?"  How may I know?  Show me a sign.  Prove it.  Things I would consider gutsy to ask of God.  Abram's just been credited with righteousness for belief, so did he just use up his credit?


It seems that God doesn't have a problem with the question, and proceeds to provide the proof.  It is an odd way to do it for our culture, but essentially what God does is bind Himself in a Suzerain Treaty.  What He has said with the divided carcasses is that, "If I don't make good on my promise, may this happen to Me."  God would be destroyed, laid in half, before He would break this promise.


But when I consider the One making this promise and binding Himself to it in such a dramatic fashion, I understand better the sense of verse 12, "Now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and behold, terror and great darkness fell upon him."  God had arrived.  The One forming stars and laying out the patterns for quarks shows up.  Unimaginable awesome and utterly destructive Presence emerges into His creation, clothed in darkness to preserve His servant, but the terror remains.


This was not some earthly king laying out victims of his latest battle for those who remain to walk between; binding them to a covenant of servitude.  This is the King of Kings moving between the victims.  The smoking oven and flaming torch passing between the divide carcasses seems to bind Him to Abram, as if Abram is the king, and God serves Abram.  


How does my "theology of God" incorporate this concept?  How does this not threaten or negate the "Sovereignty of God"?  How is it that the Maker of all Matter will bind Himself to one of His human creatures in such a fashion and not give up His status and place as Ruler of all?  Who is this Abram that he should witness such a thing, preserve such a story?  And why would it be recorded, inspired by the One binding Himself?  This is something that the King of Kings wants me to know about Him.


One reconciliation that I can make between this event and the Sovereignty of God is that the King of Kings binds Himself to His promise rather than Abram.  Yet, the form of this event matches the form of such treaties among men, and that is not the case for them.  Did Abram understand this as his God binding Himself to a promise or to Abram?


I believe God bound Himself to the promise, and that Abram understood this.  Here's why: After this, Abram continues to submit himself to his God as Lord.  He doesn't change his view and understand God as submitting to him.  Secondly, Abram asked how he would know the promise would be fulfilled, and this is the answer God provides.  The connection would make sense to him as an answer to his question.


So why does my Master want me to know this about Himself?  Does He still do this?  Does He still bind Himself to His promises?  From this account, and others, I believe that the King of Kings, my Master, still considers Himself bound to His promises.  I believe that my Master would cease to exist  before He would break a promise.  I can be more sure of Him and His promises than of the sunrise, even the one I witness now.  Though I can see His creation, He is more sure and trustworthy than what I see.  I believe.  Perhaps that will be credited to my account like Abram's.

An Astronomical Perspective

Then behold, the word of the LORD came to him, saying, "This man will not be your heir; but one who will come forth from your own body, he shall be your heir."  And He took him outside and said, "Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them." And He said to him, "So shall your descendants be."  Then he believed in the LORD; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness. (Genesis 15:4-6 NASB)

Abram has just beaten the four kings of the east and partied with the priest-king of God Most High, what are you going to do now?  Well, it's time for a heart-to-heart with his God.  What has been bothering Abram about the promise God has made to him comes to the surface.  He gives voice to his fears.  But it is God who starts the conversation.  He begins with the statement that He is Abram's shield and protection.  Abram responds with, "Show me the kid!"

The problem with Abram's situation is that, while he has been promised that the land will be possessed by his descendants, he doesn't have one child.  It's an obvious problem.  And it's one that makes this promise difficult to discuss with anyone.  The first thing they do is look around Abram for a little boy, an obvious dilemma to receiving such a promise.

God has told Abram that his descendants will be like the dust, and that was nice.  But now He brings Abram outside his tent and has him look at the stars.  In that day, there were no lights except the lights of the heavens, and they shone through air far less dusty.  The Milkyway is huge and bright, the colors of the stars distinct, and the patterns easy to make out.  The stars shine back down on Abram, declaring the glory of God, they form an accounting of the work of His hands (Psalm 19:1).  "Count them," says God.  For in counting them is the futility of what Abram can do, and in what is being counted is the awesome power of what God can do.

Sure there are a lot of them, but counting means really paying attention to them.  The glory of the One making the Heavens and the Earth resonates all through this immense sea of lights.  They sparkle ever so slightly as the tiny debris of space and atmosphere blow by.  Count them.  It's not possible, but it is a worthy effort.  Counting stars is an act of worship for Abram.  He believes, and this belief goes on his account as righteousness.  The promise of descendants to a old man without children is made by the One forming stars.  If this One can do that, form hydrogen into flaming orbs of unapproachable light, perhaps He can be relied on to provide a child to the guy standing outside his tent holding his AARP card.

Choosing Between Two Kings

He brought back all the goods, and also brought back his relative Lot with his possessions, and also the women, and the people.  Then after his return from the defeat of Chedorlaomer and the kings who were with him, the king of Sodom went out to meet him at the valley of Shaveh (that is, the King's Valley).  And Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine; now he was a priest of God Most High.  He blessed him and said, "Blessed be Abram of God Most High, Possessor of heaven and earth; and blessed be God Most High, Who has delivered your enemies into your hand." He gave him a tenth of all.  The king of Sodom said to Abram, "Give the people to me and take the goods for yourself."  Abram said to the king of Sodom, "I have sworn to the LORD God Most High, possessor of heaven and earth, that I will not take a thread or a sandal thong or anything that is yours, for fear you would say, 'I have made Abram rich.'  I will take nothing except what the young men have eaten, and the share of the men who went with me, Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their share." (Genesis 14:16-24 NASB)


With 318 men of his own and 3 buddies, Abram defeats the wildly successful kings of the east; chases them around 30 miles after routing them.  It was a wildly successful night of battle.  He brings back all that was carried off, including his nephew, Lot.  Now, as the saying goes, it's time to party.  And, of course, to any party comes the king of Sodom, the royal party-animal!


But also coming out is the mysterious king of Salem (Jerusalem), Melchizedek.  He is "priest of God Most High", or El-Elyon, a Canaanite reference to the chief god of their pantheon (Baal's dad or chief or whatever).  Salem wasn't even involved in this encounter, nor was it all that close to the "Oaks of Mamre" where Abram came from.  Why does he show up?  And who is this guy?


If character is demonstrated by action, then Melchizedek demonstrates character which connects him to God.  He brings bread and wine (a good move when coming to any party), and blesses Abram and El-Elyon.  His prayer connects Abram to El-Elyon and credits El-Elyon with the victory over the kings.  Abram responds by giving Melchizedek a tithe, a sign of submission.  Again, who is this guy?

Melchizedek's name is made up of the Hebrew word for king (Melchi) and righteous (zedek).  Later on, David takes the city of Jerusalem and suddenly there is this priest, Zadok working for him who eventually takes over the high-priesthood (a Canaanite priest?).  So, David is "melchi" and Zadok is the priest.  By the time that David takes the city of Jerusalem, the role of king and priest seems to be broken up between separate people.  Yet the worship of El-Elyon is still acknowledged, and the priest kept.  Interesting, isn't it?


So Abram responds positively to the priest-king of Salem.  His response to the king of Sodom is less so.  In fact, his response is rather insulting, even as it returns all the plunder to him.  The king of Sodom wants the people, but gives all the rest to Abram and his buddies.  Abram says a very interesting thing.  He says that he has sworn to Yahweh, El-Elyon, that he would take nothing from the king of Sodom.  That way it couldn't be said that the king of Sodom made Abram rich.  Wow, in your face Sodomite king!  If he doesn't like him, why come back with all the plunder, why not just his nephew and his stuff?


In the celebration of his victory, Abram differentiates between the guests in ways that were insulting in his culture and would be in ours as well.  Am I too "nice" or rather fearful of what others would think to be so insulting?  Would I stand up for my faith, and risk "ruining the mood"?  Would I refuse a gift that really I had worked and risked for just because it represented a person and lifestyle I believe is in rebellion against my Master?  Abram didn't just say no, he said no because.  He clearly distinguishes between the two kings.  Do I have the courage to do that; to do that when it would make such a publicly poignant and unpopular point?


I'm not in this position at the moment, and I can't remember when I have been.  It's not that I haven't been given success, it's the whole choosing between two kings thing that I haven't been given, at least not like this.  Every day I have to choose which king I will follow, the king of my appetites or the King of Righteousness.  I wish I could say I always choose the Righteous King, but I can't.  In the public setting, in the midst of the party, I want to make the public differentiation; to choose to give my tithe to one king, and refuse the gifts of the other.  I want the wisdom to see the difference, and the courage to admit it publicly.  I don't know when, or even if, it will ever happen.  But I want to honor my Master when/if it does.

How Close to Sodom Do I Get?

They also took Lot, Abram's nephew, and his possessions and departed, for he was living in Sodom. (Genesis 14:12 NASB)

Lot had moved from his tents and flocks on the valley floor near Sodom to actually living in Sodom.  This move made he and his stuff "plunder" and he was carried off by the kings of the east.  He saw the "good green land" and in spite of its proximity to Sodom, chose that.  He pitched his tents near Sodom, out of all the region of the valley.  And one chapter later he's in the city itself.

It's easy for me to point to Lot, and cluck my tongue, and shake my head, and think, "What an idiot", but am I that critical of myself?  If I look at my life, in the past and even now, have I chosen the "good green land" where it looks easy to make a living?  Have I ignored the influence of evil the sight of my Master so I could provide for my lifestyle easier?  Did I decide to pitch my tents, out of all the area I chose to live in, right next to the evil influence; away from the joy of my Master? 

Fernley used to be the fasted growing city in the nation.  It's now one of the most (if not the most) economically depressed cities/communities in Nevada, one of the most economically depressed states.  From Hero to Zero in less than three years.  It easy for me to look at the obvious mistakes of the area, the over building, the excessive amount of "investment property" and the over-growth of certain types of businesses (7 pizza joints, and no donut shop - that just confuses me).  Yet, what about my life, and my choices?

I chose to bail on ministry back in Y2K, (remember that?), and I probably should not have.  I chose to leave school instead of pursuing a PhD, and I probably should have stayed and gone into teaching.  I moved to California to get back into ministry only to have it unravel before it even began.  I probably should not have done that either.  Yet, I left ministry to protect my family; I left school because I was champing at the bit to get at what I had trained 10 years for; and I left Arizona to try and fix my past mistakes, and get back into the ministry I had left.  Nothing I tried worked very well.

When I was in ministry, the people tore me and my wife up emotionally.  When I was out of ministry and taking care of our home, I was in deep depression and nearly useless.  When I failed to get back into ministry I wound up in whatever job I could find, which turned out to be a huge mortgage company (which is now no longer in existence). 

I can focus on my mistakes, ones I've mentioned and the ones I haven't.  I can, but I don't have to.  If I continue to take Lot as my example, there will be a time when he has another chance to choose.  He could live with nothing or return to his uncle.  He chose to live with nothing in a cave with his two daughters.  He hit bottom and still refused to repent.  I need to learn from his example rather than following it. 

Sure I can see my mistakes, but I also have a Master willing to receive me back.  It's my responsibility to return.  That means admitting I have been wrong, submitting to my Master, and again taking up the role of walking before Him.  He has called me to wait on His word, worship Him as Master, and walk before Him as His servant.  Now, whatever job I am in becomes a ministry, whatever church group I am in becomes an opportunity for worship, and whenever I am confronted with confusion I have an opportunity for instruction.  Where shall I go today, my Master?

Master of the Moon

The moon is awesome to behold. The light of it captivated the imagination of ancient peoples; and their worship. Even without magnification it shows amazing features, which never vary except as light moves across its face. The marred surface shows vast damage from repeated impacts of huge space debris.

Such debris would devestate this planet repeatedly, rendering the theorized origin of species impossible. And the other side of the moon shows even more evidence of the effectiveness of our space shield.

Beautiful and practical, inspiring humans for millennia, and theorized to be accidental. But I believe I see in the moon the 'finger prints' of the Moon Master; the Master of the universe, my Master.

What do you see?

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If God Has My Back - Genesis 14

I'm not going to paste the entire chapter here, for thing I think it violates copyright laws.  But I encourage anyone reading this to first read that whole chapter before reading the rest of this.  A lot of this won't make sense without first being freshly familiar with this chapter.  I thought I was familiar with it enough, and yet still, working through it again brought new stuff.  Go read that first and then come back to this.

Welcome back...if you're honest anyway.  If not, go read the chapter.

The essence of this chapter is that kings (possibly including the famous king, Hammarabi) from the region of Mesopotamia (Iraq, possibly Syria), attacked the area on the East side of the Jordan River.  They got to nearly everyone in that region, including the cities along the valley floor (except for Jericho...which is really weird).  After defeating all those kingdoms, they meet the kings of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah (Edom), Zeboim (Gazelles), and Bela (Zoar) by the Dead Sea.

It's a rout, and every survivor of the Dead Sea region flees to the hills.  The victorious kings plunder the area, including Sodom, and take Lot and his stuff captive.  Not a lot of the battle is described, just the first part and the running away part.  The reason for the campaign in this region seems to be the rebellion of the Dead Sea Kings against the King of Elam with whom they had a covenant (one not in their favor).  When they didn't pay their tribute, they got away with it for a year, then the armies came from the east.

One of the survivors fleeing to the hills comes to Abram in Hebron.  Hearing what happened to Lot, he doesn't hesitate, but takes off with three of his friends and all the "tried" men of his household (318) and takes off after the four victorious kings.  All it says is that he catches up with them at Dan, divides his forces, attacks at night, and pursues them to North of Damascus.  Abram wins.  All the other kings and cities fail, but he, the nomad-sheep-and-cattle-herder, succeeds; and chases them half-way home.

This may seem rather incredible, it does to me.  He doesn't even hesitate, though.  It does not seem he had any doubt about what to do.  It was insurmountable, very foolish, and clearly hopeless, but he does it anyway.  It was as if, since family was involved, he willingly went to his doom out of family honor.  I sort of wonder if Sarai was thinking about how she might get back down to Egypt to see Pharaoh when Abram didn't return. 

I somehow doubt there was any doubt though.  I don't think there was any concern that they might not succeed, in spite of the success record of their enemies.  Abram was confident enough to bring his four new friends, brothers with whom he had an alliance.  And they were confident enough to go with him.  Where did this confidence come from?  Where do I get a dose of that?

Back in chapter 12, God promises Abram protection.  Abram has seen it at work in Egypt, and along the way as he traveled.  He may have known these kings from the region he was raised in and left not long ago.  And he knew his God.  In comparison, he saw there was really no comparison.  So, he had his relationship with his King and experience in that relationship. 

I have that experience.  I have seen my Master care for me in ways I couldn't imagine.  I have seen Him make ends meet that I didn't even know existed; connect dots I couldn't see to draw between.  Recently I have seen that my Master is Master over all the things I care about, and over all things I don't.  I am learning slowly to relinquish my desire to make happen what I believe needs to happen.  Instead, I simply need to do what I see He wants done.  He loves me, He has my back, and I am at His service.  I am free to serve, and to be used by Him to accomplish His purposes, or at least I should be.

But being that available requires me to constantly give up my causes, priorities, and my purposes.  That's hard for me.  It's hard in my family, in my job, and in my church.  I want to right wrongs, and fix peoples misconceptions, and build faith!  Not my job, that's my Master's job.  I may see a need or a lack, and my Master may be leading me to address it, but not to "fix" it.  He wants to use me to fix it.  I'm not the faith-mechanic, I'm the faith-wrench.  I don't get to choose one day to be a "wrench" and another an "impact wrench" or "hammer-drill".  Again, my Master chooses how to use me, and what for.  I still try to be some sort of dramatic hero, but that's not my role.  I'm scenery, set dressing, and props.  He is the Star, the Hero.

I was reminded this weekend that I'm not the one making happen what I see needs to happen.  I may see what needs to happen, but my role is not the doer, but one of the ones used to do it.  But I can't be used in that role if I keep trying to take control and be the one doing.  To be used, I have to let go of control.  I'm trying.  I'm struggling with it, but I'm trying.  Oh Master, please help me, and once again, be patient while I wrestle with my selfish ambition.  I will bring it to you captive, I will.  And I will try to hurry; there's work to be done, and You have a use for me I'm missing.

A Little Alone Time, Without Lot

Now Lot, who went with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents.  And the land could not sustain them while dwelling together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to remain together.  And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram's livestock and the herdsmen of Lot's livestock. Now the Canaanite and the Perizzite were dwelling then in the land.  So Abram said to Lot, "Please let there be no strife between you and me, nor between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, for we are brothers.  Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me; if to the left, then I will go to the right; or if to the right, then I will go to the left."  Lot lifted up his eyes and saw all the valley of the Jordan, that it was well watered everywhere -- this was before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah -- like the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt as you go to Zoar.  So Lot chose for himself all the valley of the Jordan, and Lot journeyed eastward. Thus they separated from each other.  Abram settled in the land of Canaan, while Lot settled in the cities of the valley, and moved his tents as far as Sodom.  Now the men of Sodom were wicked exceedingly and sinners against the LORD.  The LORD said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, "Now lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward; for all the land which you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever.  "I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth, so that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants can also be numbered.  Arise, walk about the land through its length and breadth; for I will give it to you."  Then Abram moved his tent and came and dwelt by the oaks of Mamre, which are in Hebron, and there he built an altar to the LORD. (Genesis 13:5-18 NASB)

I am on my own for a bit this week.  So, indulge me for a moment while I project my loneliness onto Abram in this passage.  When Lot left, was Abram lonely?  I suppose anywhere from a quarter, a third, or even perhaps half of what was about Abram just up and moved away.  Was he sad, and did he miss his nephew? In my imagination, he did; but mostly because I miss my wife today.


It would be ironic that after separating for strife that he would miss the "hubbub", but isn't that how it goes?  My wife is off because she's taking her mom on a trip, so there's no strife involved.  And I realize the reasons I miss her span from my love for her to selfish self pity (yeah, I have range...).  So, my situation isn't really like Abram's except in the hole the person leaves in my life.


But for me, my loneliness has a duration of two more days.  Abram didn't have that.  He knew his separation was indefinite.  Sure he might visit or perhaps Lot might visit, but they would never again be together like they were.  The hole left is much larger, and not due to the size of the group that left, but due to the relationship lost.


It is in the midst of these emotions, however strong or weak they were, when God shows up and speaks with Abram about his descendants.  Was it encouraging or sobering?  Did Abram find comfort in being told that one day his children would possess the land he viewed from the hills of Beth-El?  In response he goes to Hebron, builds another altar, and calls on the name of God.  So, I would guess he responds positively to what he's told.


In these times of being alone, I seek to hear from my Master.  Yet, my Master is Master even over communication.  He doesn't necessarily speak what I want, when I want, in ways I prefer.  Instead, He draws me in, not with words, but with the gnawing need in my soul for His presence.  He may speak to me, but what I need is to walk about before Him, be in His presence, and seek His face.  I need Him more than the blessings and more than a word from Him.


So, in the first light of this day, I enter the presence of my Master.  I confess my short falls, and embrace His purification.  And then I walk about in this day, but always in His presence.  I walk before Him and strive to be blameless; not the easy road.  I suppose I should start it with breakfast.  A bowl of cereal sounds good; and eggs, yeah, and "green smoothie!"  Hmm...