Faith With Weakness

From earlier posts, Chambers seems to see the daily grind of life as the place that faith is built and practiced.  Here he puts the test into dramatic events.  Dramatic events are where the character of God is obscured or possibly made invisible and the question is whether I will continue to believe in His divinely revealed character described in Scripture.

 

The three Hebrew men in Daniel before the furnace are one example.  The trial of Job is another example.  In both of these examples, there was no assurance or voice of God to assure deliverance.  Each of these had to come to terms with not being delivered and still holding on to their faith.  That’s a test.

 

I have run out of some things I take everyday, two prescriptions for conditions I have.  One of those conditions I had hoped would be temporary, and I could just fade off the stuff and it wouldn’t be any big deal, no one would notice.  Nope.  It shows.  I really do have this weakness, and I really do need a drug to help me fight my depression.  I go to the doctor tomorrow, so it’s no big deal.  But it does show me that the submission I needed almost a year ago I still need.  That’s not what I had hoped for, but it’s what I suspected.

 

That is not a test of faith.  Such a revelation is not a time of not seeing the qualities of my Master but still needing to believe.  Instead, it’s a test of my pride.  I have a weakness, but am I willing to submit to it?  There is a problem with me that affects my mind, am I willing to admit such a thing?  It has been a week, and my emotions have been all over the place, and now I am struggling with sleeping, getting up in the morning (I seem more tired), the anger hasn’t showed up yet, but with being tired, it’s just a matter of time.  The frustration riding below the surface is ripe for me since my job jumped into hyper-speed last month.  I’ve started eating emotionally again, and I have a slight weight gain.

 

I suppose I could wait for more symptoms, but why?  If other indications are here, do I need to crater before I admit my weakness?  Why would I do that?  It’s not a test of my faith, of my belief in the qualities of my Master when I bring myself to the brink, threatening to jump over.  It’s a test of my pride, my willingness to submit to my Master’s wisdom in making me as I am, not as my ideal would be.  The way He has made me requires dependence and submission to Him.  The way I want to be looks good to others.  I show strength and love the attention.  I already know that is way of death, it stinks of it.  Why would I find that path attractive still? 

 

I am truly one sick puppy still.  I am still totally dependent upon my Master, His grace, His mercy, and His power.  I am what He has made me, with all the weaknesses that direct me to Him.  I am in need of a Savior still.  That is who I am, and who I remain.  Now, allow me to speak of Who has made me this way.

 

The Master of the universe makes stars even now.  He expands the reaches of the universe beyond the human ability to measure, and yet traces the patterns of the invisible material making up sub-atomic particles.  He defies human desires to reach beyond the planet they live on with a force we cannot live without, nor replicate effectively enough to take with us from earth; gravity.  He has trapped us here, yet allowed us to look out on His creation, given us minds to consider it, wonder about it, and think about its origins.  It points to Him, and He uses it as one of many markers of His presence and power.  In His desire for His human creatures, He made it possible where we could not, to relate to Him passed the inherent nature of rebellion against Him.  He did so by paying the requirement of His awesome wrath through Himself, the Son.  He took on Himself the penalty required by His holy nature and formed the only way we can relate to Him.  He went to this extreme for His human creatures in spite of the continued rebellion we perpetuate in His presence.  He sacrificed His Son for us, and we treat with contempt such an action on our behalf.  And still He loves us.  Still my Master calls to us, still my Master reaches out to this world which tries in vain to bite His hands filled with peace and love.  The creatures looking out on His vast creation and seeking to see the infinite dimensions of the building blocks of matter, matter that together lives, all are in rebellion against Him as feral beasts little better than the beasts they study.  And yet He loves still, He does not repent the sacrifice made, He does not retract His outstretched hand.

 

So, what, will I rail against the One who made me with my weakness?  Will I cry foul because I’m not what I think I should be or not what I want to be?  How can I believing the previous paragraph?  What’s the problem not solved by His outstretched hand?  Where is the room for pride or self-righteousness?  What else can I do besides reach for His hand and accept what He has?  If that gift does not cure my weakness, I will boast it that weakness because it has forced me into the lap of my Master.  I will point to His grace which is sufficient, that makes any weakness trivial, that shows off more what my Master can do and His power more than anything I can do without power.

 

Jesus is my Master, He loves me, He has my back, and I am at His service.

 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 31

Faith That’s Real

This entry from Chambers is a bit hard to wrap my mind around.  It is possible that he reached one of those language limits and had to make up English terms.  “Revelation Sense?”  I’ve never heard that one before.  The idea think he is reaching for is the practical daily practice of faith in God.  Although he says some rather peculiar things in that regard.

 

I know that God is a tad abstract, so I reach out as far as I can into the universe and worship Him there too.  I wouldn’t say that God is so abstract I can’t have faith in Him.  Abraham would be a difficult person to explain if that were true.  He believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness.  This was before he had a personal visit from God, so he had no physical frame of reference Chambers seems to require.

 

When he writes of life bringing faith and common sense into right relation, I think I get what he means.  James says that faith without works is dead, and I believe that is for the same reason.  If my faith never reaches into my life, affecting my decisions, my affections, my focus, and my priorities, then it’s not really faith, not in the Master of the universe anyway.

 

When I have a belief in what Scripture says about the Creator and Savior of humanity of this world, then that belief is expected to be evident in my behavior and thinking.  If it’s not evident, then it may not really be there.  It’s the difference between an ideal and a reality.  My belief is ideal while it doesn’t affect the rest of my life.  I don’t actually have that belief, but I want to.  When that belief affects my life, and the degree that it does, the ideal become real.  The unbelieving world has a phrase for this, “put up or shut up.”  Church people are much more “nice” instead speaking of “where the rubber meets the road” (an analogy I don’t know if everyone understands that well).

 

The question that sort of floats around untouched here is what sort of faith saves, ideal or real?  James asks that but with the implied answer of real, not ideal.  So, only as my ideal faith becomes real am I rightly related to my Master and therefore saved?  This is dangerously close to salvation based on my ability to achieve, a “works salvation.”  That was the problem Martin Luther had with the Letter of James.  He felt James went too far in focusing on works instead of belief.  For Luther that was a real danger since the religious practice he had come out of was overly focused on works as well.

 

I think that the truth is that my Master gives me the real faith, not ideal faith.  Ideal faith is when He reveals to me the truth of the work of Jesus, and the real comes as He leads me to see that this work was for me.  The progression or development of ideal into real can take a long time, and the beginning of the process is where I was saved.  My understanding was limited, my ability to work out the reality of my ideal was probably higher then, and I was more likely to grow up apart from or reject those things in this world that detracted from my faith.  I was protected and able to see the positions of the world from a distance that enabled me to see their failure.  That wasn’t me, that was my Master.  He did that for me, though I’m not sure why.

 

What I have now is a faith split between real and ideal.  I hope that my ideal is shrinking, that my real is growing, and that my Master gains all the credit for it.  I lay the blame for any growth I have experienced at the feet of the Spirit of my Master.  It has been the persistent work and consistent attention of my Master that has made any change in me at all.  I have discovered these changes after they occur.  My role has been to let go of my pride when I found it, and let my Master work as He desired.  It was my Master revealing to me what and who I truly am and where my limits lie that enabled me to decide to take some very necessary and long term steps.  I am different now because of what He has done and continues to do in me.  Jesus has made and makes the difference in me.  I just wish there were more of Him in me than there is.  I still have a lot that I need to lose.  Well, back to my Master’s workbench.  I may be a while, don’t wait up.

 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 30

Losing Who I Am, Gaining Who He Is

One of the questions I have not heard but I’m waiting for is this, “Why, if Jesus died for the whole world, do some still go to hell?”  This question is one that has rattled around in my head and I have answers for it, but I still realize I’m not likely to hear it. 

 

I ask it from time to time because I have accepted two other things.  First off, Jesus didn’t die in my place or for me per se.  Jesus died as atonement for the sins of the world.  That is different.  In 2 Corinthians 5:21 Paul says that God made Jesus sin (the noun sin, not the verb).  Literally that is what Paul said.  It is as if the Father transforms the Son into the sins of the world, and then sacrifices Him on Mount Moriah.  That is how Paul describes the Atonement of Jesus.

 

Since Jesus didn’t “die for me” or as is popular, “take my place” my response is just, “Wow! Thanks!” and then carry on my merry way.  I see that and have done that, but that does not match what Scripture presents.  The other half of 2 Corinthians 5:21 says that the Father made Jesus into sin “so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”  In other words, the Father made Jesus into sin so He could then make me into His righteousness in Jesus.  I’m going to be made into something I am not now.  I will be different.  So, how do I get a chance to participate in this transaction?

 

What I see in Scripture is that my Master initiated my relationship.  As Chambers put it yesterday and refers to today, He reveals to me what He has already done on my behalf, and I believe that.  I don’t bring anything of my own making or accomplishment to the party, it’s all the Master of the universe.  I respond to what is revealed, and I suppose in that sense I have a choice to believe or not.  What I am believing in is my Master’s identification with my sin and atonement for it, and then that I will be remade into His righteousness.  I accept His solution to my problem (which requires me to accept His definition of my problem), and I accept that He will change who I am into something else; I choose to loose my identity that I have worked so hard to establish.

 

I want to bargain, negotiate, and offer alternatives for both the atonement and my transformation.  I want partial credit for the work of Jesus, and I want to retain part of my personality.  That is not how the exchange works, and it is therefore difficult to accept in this culture.  Thankfully, my Master does not require me to understand it all up front.  It is in some ways like making an uninformed decision, but really, once I accept His definition of my problem, accepting His solution is obvious, at least on the surface.  The transformation He works in me requires me to love Him and be devoted to Him only.  That is really pretty simple.  I make it hard by focusing on what I’m loosing, rather than on my Master who I am gaining.

 

The reward is that my Master forms His righteousness in me… actually no, what happens is that I become His righteousness.  That is a personal transformation into righteousness, not just a relocation of righteousness.  I don’t “contain” the righteousness of my Master, I become the righteousness of my Master.  Something contained within me can be relocated elsewhere and I can misplace it and so on.  When I am transformed into something else, that is not so easy to “lose”.  That would require another transformation to negate.  The work of my Master is not so temporary as my own.  My work is fairly shoddy, His work is masterful workmanship that lasts for eternity.

 

How is such an amazing result not worth giving up my identity?  How is it that I can require more of the One having Atoned for my sin along with the sin of all human existence?  What is my identity worth compared to being the righteousness of my Master?  He forms stars, traces quarks, and forms me into His righteousness.  Is that not enough?  Do I want more?  Is there something about my identity among my fallen fellows that is so precious that is becomes more valuable to me than the righteousness of the Master of all creation?  I can’t think of anything.  So, why is it so hard for me to let go of it?  It’s not like my Master is asking me to accomplish some great task, He asks that I believe and accept His transformation of me.  As much as I don’t really like hard work, you’d think I’d be all over such an offer.

 

The solution for me is become a fool among my fallen fellows, and not before my Master.  Okay, it’s really not so far to go to become a fool before my fellows.  It is much longer to stop being the fool before my Master.  The choice before me is life or death, blessings or curses.  Relating to my Master is life and blessings, not relating to Him is death and curses.  Today, I will practice choosing life.

 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 29

How Was I Saved? I’m Confused

Some years ago, while I was interviewing for a ministry position in Oregon (which I didn’t end up getting), I got into a discussion with the pastor about what salvation requires.  He and his church held the belief that baptism was required.  I do not.  But he made a comment that I had to concede.  He said that Baptists believe that repentance precedes salvation, so they add something we do as well.  I have to agree that Baptist doctrine does include repentance as preceding salvation.  But he and I disagreed on what that meant.

I wish I had been familiar with Chambers’ entry from this morning.  That would have helped a lot.  My lack of reading and familiarity with various thoughts on this issue is part of my problem.  I hold views that I don’t always remember how I got into.  I’ve been out of school for quite some time, and some of the required reading has faded in detail. 

Putting the cause for salvation on Jesus and His work on the cross and resurrection is easy until the problem of why some people are not affected by it is added.  It is at that point where a “selection process” is obviously at work, but not really understood.  The normal fall-back position for “Calvinistic” positions is the Sovereignty of God; He chooses whoever He will for salvation.

Only so much stock can be put in being able to choose to believe or follow Jesus.  It is more likely and easier to support that believers are chosen rather choosers.  If that’s the case, then the faith to receive salvation is as much of a gift than the salvation itself.  The reception of salvation is not from me, my ability to understand, or even my ability to submit and receive.  Frankly I don’t have a lot of demonstrated ability that way.

So, when Chambers says, “I am not saved by believing; I realize I am saved by believing” what he is doing is putting the cause of the change of my state from “sinner apart from God” to “rightly relating to God” on the action of God through His Son, Jesus.  I don’t figure it out and believe or submit to the idea and believe.  My state is changed, God reveals that to me, and I believe that.

There is a problem with this view and the essence of my American cultural paradigm.  I want to have a hand in my status.  I am free to choose, I have freedom to do whatever I want; either follow God or not follow God.  But Paul tells me that even the faith is a gift of God and not from myself.  When he goes further to say that it is not from works, that means that it is not my obedience or belief as works or actions on my part.

I have no boast before my Master.  I have nothing to bargain with, or even for.  I can’t threaten to walk away any more than I can threaten to hold my breath until I die.  I’m not capable of either.  It’s not that I won’t, I can’t.  Something about this seems wrong, as if now I am the robot that I had hoped my Master would make me.  Why would it be that for salvation I have no choice, but daily I have to choose to submit to Him?  So I have choice once I’m saved, but not in the salvation itself?

My views and opinions are really of no value here.  What is needed is Scripture.  Unfortunately, that is something else I can’t remember.  I don’t remember which position is based on which Scripture.  Until I find that, this is just an opinion, and I accept that it’s not necessarily a popular one.  I don’t particularly like it either.  I’m not a flaming 5-point Calvinist, or least I don’t want to be.  I have to admit a certain affinity for some of those points though.  There, I’ve confessed it.  Confession is the first step toward recovery right?  Perhaps I can gain back some semblance of autonomy from my Master.  But is that what I want, really?  I feel a sense that Romans 7 is creeping up on me again.  I need to dive into Chapter 8 for safety!

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 28

The Commission Flanked with Power and Presence

The “Great Commission” has been used to the point it has faded into familiarity for many believers.  In some ways it has for me simply because so many have miss used it, calling themselves “Great Commission Churches” but seeming to leave out the foundation of the “sending”; that all power was given to Jesus.  It’s as if they are saying, “we have the commission, so let’s go, we got this!”  The commission is not “power” but direction, and not even complete direction.

One element of the commission discussed ad nausem is the grammatical structure. It’s a difficult structure to disentangle.  But the meaning is fairly straight forward, regardless of how the grammatical structure is understood.  It seems like a procedural command, laying out the process used to reach the world.  In Luke Jesus gave the geographical picture, here He gives the procedural.  Regardless of how the grammar is understood, one element not open for debate is the foundation that all power in heaven and on earth has been given to Jesus.  That much is crystal clear.

So, when I read the procedures, I see procedures that stem from the power of my Master.  It’s not my ability or talent for making disciples (or even going), but His power.  It’s not my knack for teaching or communicating that transmits what I have been taught, but the power of my Master.  And it is not my presence in the lives of others that tips the scales of their heart toward Jesus, but the powerful presence  of Jesus; right up to the completion of this age.

The power wielded by Jesus sends me out, enables all peoples to become disciples, emboldens all peoples to be baptized, opens hearts and minds to learn, and awakens souls to the presence of my Master.  I have little to do with it.  I am a spectator of the power at work around and through me.  It is and always has been Jesus saving the world; including my community.  The question is not “can He” or “will He”, but will I join Him obediently, will I submit to His sending me out into the community.  It is when I go obediently that I witness the power of my Master at work in the lives around me, and in my own.

The going, the discipling, the baptizing, the teaching all enables me to behold that Jesus is with me all the way; that it is Him at work all throughout.  Without His power and presence there would be very little of the discipling, baptizing, teaching and no witnessing of the power of my Master.  It can’t be about me, my church, my pastor, or my small group.  It must be about my Master and stem from my connection to Him; that my name is written in the book of life.

So, when the Great Commission is again pulled out and examined, let me start with the power of my Master, and end with His presence.  The stuff in the middle is encompassed in those two things.  Very little else is important.  Jesus is Master and King, let me be the servant introducing others to an audience with Him, bowing out and shutting the door, allowing them to speak together in peace.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 27

Serving Others Is Wrong?

Philosophers think about their thoughts, reasons, and attitudes.  There’s really no mystery to it, it’s just a way of walking through life that is pretty automatic.  Everything is evaluated.  I’ve found it kind of annoys other people, and I’ve developed a sort of perverse enjoyment out of that.

This morning, Chambers is a philosopher.  He examines what lies behind what is done and even behind the motivating impulse.  In his day, he spoke to missionaries who were still being educated, preparing to enter the service in foreign lands.  If they went because there was a need in foreign lands for missionaries, and they went where they thought they were needed, then they were missing the point.


One problem with missionary presentations about other countries and the needs of the people in these countries is that it plays on the emotions of the people.  That is good if the result is awareness of what God is doing elsewhere, but bad if the result is that the people decide they need to go and fix the problem.  It’s not going to happen.  We can’t fix the “problems” in other countries, because their real need is for the Master of universe, not more water or better farming methods.  Such a need for the Master requires the Master to become involved.

When my Master moves me and calls me to do something, then that is what I should do.  And I should do it because my Master directs, not because the people need my services.  I care for them because my Master cares for them in precisely the same way He cares for me.  I pass on His care He has lavished on me.  But if care for them is what drives me, I am in real trouble.  I don’t have the resources to meet their needs.  I would be a wreck of a human being if I tried to meet the needs of others with my resources.  And their immediate needs aren’t really the most important anyway.  Their need for Jesus far outweighs any other.

So instead, I need to work with the Master of resources and let Him provide for the needs of the people.  The reason for this is that if I meet a need, then I get the attention.  But if my Master meets the need, then He gets the attention.  If I get the attention, it affects that person at that moment, but when my Master gets the attention, lives are changed for eternity. 

It sounds like the needs of people in the moment don’t matter, and compared to glorifying Jesus, they don’t.  But in the moment, they do matter; they matter to Jesus, and He can meet those needs.  I just don’t think He does so to the exclusion of His glory.  The “bigger fish to fry” for Jesus is saving humanity from hell.  What He wants to do is accomplish that through meeting people’s needs.  If someone gets one more meal but goes to hell, their need was not met.  If someone misses a meal (especially if it’s me) and someone else is destined for heaven because of it, their need was met. 

It’s a matter of perspective and motivation.  It sounds cold and callous, but it’s not.  Do I doubt that my Master has the cares of the world in His mind and in His heart?  No.  So why would focusing on Him short change this world and the needs it has?  The needs will be met and I must have faith about that.  But I can’t see myself as the need-meeter.  It’s not like I can inhibit my Master from accomplishing His work, but I can opt out of participating in it and being used by Him.  I am a servant of the King, and my responsibility is to serve Him, not others.  He serves others.  It is my Master who girds Himself with a towel and washes feet.  He may lead me to do that service, but when He does, no one will see me, they will only see Him.  Any other perspective is a lack of faith and an act of pride on my part.  It is all about the Master of the universe saving the world.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 26

Everything to Everyone to Reach Someone

One of the things that my ministry buddy, Paul, said that sort of troubles me is that he became all to everyone so that he might rescue some.  I just have a problem with being so flexible with my personality.  I don’t take it to the extreme that our culture is pushing for, being true to yourself and all that.  But on the other hand, bowing to every whim is not cool either.

It’s when I read the preceding verses that it begins to make more sense.  To the Jews he became a Jew to win Jews, he became as one under the law of Moses to win those under the law of Moses, to those not under the law of Moses, as one not under the law of Moses but under Christ to win those not under the law of Moses, and to the weak he became weak to win the weak.  I get that.  He identified with anyone in any condition so that he could lead them from there to his Master.  It didn’t take flexibility of personality, it took humility.

When I was most disenchanted with church-people during my time in ministry, it was easy to reach people who were disenchanted with church people.  They were everywhere.  When I agreed with their assessment of church, they were shocked, but that position got through their defenses and I was able to talk about my Master instead of my fellow frail human creatures.  It worked then accidentally, but it works in all walks of human life.  In fact, it is one of those things that makes me skilled at sales, being able to identify with my customers regardless of size of firm or walk of life.

The main reason I don’t do this with people I meet around me day in and day out is pride and fear.  I don’t know what I’m proud of necessarily, nor do I really know what I’m afraid of.  Perhaps being bullied as a kid by people who were something like the people around me?  Perhaps, but probably not, at least not when I think about it more.  My pride is more understandable, but even less acceptable.  I used to tell people that whatever they saw in me that was good and noble was my Master, and whatever was ugly and bad was really me.  That’s a pretty good summary.

I have no reason to fear, nor a reason to be proud.  What do I have that I have not been given by my Master?  So what do I have that need to fear losing?  And what do I have that I can be proud of personally?  In all things I should point to my Master and bow out of the way.  How hard can it be?  Well, it seems that it can be very hard for me.

I live among people in various walks of life and degree of problems.  Well, I live in a “walk of life” with corresponding problems.  I have trouble with my daughter, who doesn’t have trouble with their emerging teen?  I have trouble with my wife who is very emotional after the loss of her beloved aunt.  Well, yeah!  Hello! It’s called grief and is a very real and necessary part of life!  So far it sounds pretty normal as opposed to exceptional.  And where do I find what I need to face these elements of my life?  Prayer.  So why would I be prideful again?

Why not identify with those out of a job?  I’ve been there, scrambling to find something so I can put food on my family’s table.  Why not identify with those without a home?  I’ve been there too, living with relatives until God provided.  Why not identify with those without hope?  I’ve been there when my Master crushed my expectations of Him and took my unborn child.  It’s not like my Master has brought me on a different path than everyone else.  It has been through addiction, through loss, through gain, and through freedom.

Why I fight identifying with those around me in order to rescue some of them is really incomprehensible.  I hope to have a small group in my area to try and reach some.  It would be helpful to identify with some of them first.  That might make it easier for them to come to any small group.  I guess I know what I need to do in response to this entry today. 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 25

Being Spoils of War Is Good, Right?

It seems that 2 Corinthians 2:14 caused a bit of trouble translating for some English versions.  It must be a “Western Thought” issue.  Literally, what Paul says is, “Thank you God for leading me in your triumphal procession in Christ.”  And what that term, “triumphal procession” refers to is the practice in their day of a conquering general (or emperor) leading a procession of captives and captured booty through their capital city and finally through a huge arch commemorating the victory.

So the idea Paul is conveying is that he is part of this train of captives and captured stuff led behind Jesus, made a public spectacle, and he is thankful for that.  Most English translations make it sound like we are all part of the celebrants rather than what is being shown off from the victory.  Paul’s picture of this metaphor for the life of a believer is quite different.  It’s not a party per se, but it’s being a display of the power of my Master; I’m a slave, captured in battle, and I am now owned by my Conqueror.  That’s a very different perspective, yet Paul still rejoices.

The reason for the rejoicing in being conquered is because the battle was over what kept me captive to sin, separated from my Maker, and cut off from what I was designed to be.  So, yes, I’m a captured slave, and still a slave; but in a very real sense I am also redeemed, not with money, but with blood, redeemed in battle, fought over.  My perspective is that I am one of those my Master went to war over and captured, part of His spoils of war.  That transforms the situation dramatically.

One of the realities that I have struggled to embrace is my enslavement.  I am a slave to something, but I get to choose my Master.  It’s a choice I need to make daily.  I can accept the part I play in the triumphal procession of my conquering Master, or I can fight that and try to maintain my enslavement to my former master, sin.  It sounds really stupid, but that is pretty much my choice.  What I can’t figure out from this position is why it’s such a difficult choice to make in the heat of the moment.  What’s the attraction of the other master?  I don’t get it.

I should be able to easily enjoy the life of a slave to my Master.  There can be no better Master.  In fact, this Master treats me as an adopted child.  How much better can it get than that?  Why not join with Paul in being a rejoicing captive led behind the Maker of stars, as He shows off what He has captured from His enemy?  Why should that be an embarrassment? It was in my best interest to be captured.  Why my loyalty should not easily shift to my new Master I don’t get.  That is probably the mark of the curse from the garden; the knowledge of good and evil that makes me want to be in the judges seat rather than let my Master rule from that seat.

Whether I fight against the chains or raise them in thankfulness, I am still in chains led behind my Master in triumph.  It doesn’t matter if I like it or not, my Master has defeated my old master, and I am a trophy of His; spoils of His victory.  The war is over, peace has come.  My state remains a slave, but my circumstances have vastly improved.  Life is good, and I would enjoy it so much more if I would just cling to my new Master and never let go.  For whatever reason, every once in a while, I miss my old pig sty and slop trough.  How silly is that?  Thanks be to God, the One leading me in triumph in Christ!

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 24

The Creator of My Soul... Again

One aspect or term of life with my Master is the use of the preposition "in" to refer to it. It's a great way to refer to it, but is uncomfortably general. What I mean by that is that the use of "in" has a lot of range in English, and a lot of that is metaphorical. So while the Christian Scriptures can, and probably do, use "in" this way, the question is to what degree is it actually a real positional reference and not metaphorical.

That may sound weird, but when speaking of the Spirit living IN me, is that metaphorical or positional? Most likely it is positional, rather than metaphorical. So when Paul refers to believers being IN Christ, how much of that is positional and how much is metaphorical? I don't see it as all or nothing but with the ability to be taken both ways at once. So, I can be positionally in Christ in a situation or decision, but also metaphorically in Christ as I go through the process or event.

So when do I become a new creation? When do old things pass? When do I or my things become new? 2 Corinthians 5:17 skips a lot of detail about that. The chapter is about reconciliation and my part in my Master's work of reconciliation. The idea is that I see people from a different perspective once reconciled to my Master. So perhaps this verse should be limited to those things in reference to relationships, so being IN my Master changes my relationships, not necessarily all things. In that case as I sink positionally into my Master, I metaphorically relate from being in my Master, like being metaphorically in trouble. Yet the spiritual relationship I have with my Master also puts me positionally in Him at the same time.

So, today, from within my Master, I will relate to my family, other drivers, and anyone met along the way as if I'm in my Master. Well, that will be the goal reached only to the degree that the metaphor become more positional.

Oswald Chambers - Readings

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Can I Get a Witness?

There are times I read MUFHH and think I'm missing a part of the story. This one makes me think there was more to that discussion, like someone asking him why they did not sense the "witness" of God's Spirit? Something that required such a turn on this passage that so sharply deviates from a usual discussion of it. And something that raises the ire in him.

This chapter of Romans has a special place in my heart. And this verse is one of the reasons. I get a tremendous comfort from knowing that I am a child of my Master, and that this amazing truth is confirmed by the presence of His Spirit in me.

So it seems odd to consider that I need to abandon obediently to my Master before He confirms my adoption through His Spirit. How exactly is the conformation more than the presence of my Master's Spirit? I ask because if the confirmation is more than His presence in my life, then I am in danger of relying on my own interpretation of what might be used to confirm my adoption. That's a problem for me. There are lot's of ways I sense the presence of the Spirit of my Master, and some of them come as I wander off the path, not only when I'm well connected to my Master. In fact there are times I'm well connected but don't 'feel' all that close or emotional about it; I just know I am. Does that negate the confirmation of my adoption? I would think not.

On the other hand, confirmation that I'm on the right path of obedience comes when I am. I find myself on that path when I am truly focused on my Master and His will. So, in that sense, my obedient abandon does bring a confirmation, just not of my adoption. Am I only the child of my Master when I obey? Will He only speak to me then? See, there are elements I'm missing in Chamber's discussion. So, for this entry, I'm missing some context.

That being said, Romans 8:16 gives me comfort in knowing I need not worry about my adoption by my Master; He has it covered. That is very nice to know. It is an incomprehensible amount of grace on the part of the Maker of stars that He would know me, let alone adopt me. I rather like that.

Oswald Chambers - Readings

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Living In Between Crises

The Epistle of Jude is an interesting book in Scripture.  It is reputed to have been written by one of Jesus’ brothers, another son of Mary.  It contains at least two clear references to books of the Hebrew Apocrypha.  And it is addressed to no specific regional audience.

The verse used by Chambers in this entry is the point of Jude where the author turns from discussing those in error to his audience.  He doesn’t exhort them, as much as describe them as, among other things, “building yourselves in your holy faith,” as if they are already doing this.

The central theme that Chambers goes off on is that it takes the work of the Holy Spirit to enable and build up a believer in the daily routines of life; that a believer can use their own personal abilities to survive crises.  I found that an interesting turn of opinion.

I thought Chambers had said before that if I didn’t work on faith in the routine times, that I would be swept away in the times of crisis.  It was the strength and training gained in the barracks that enabled valor and success on the battlefield.  I may have misunderstood that if his position is that the “barracks” life is more difficult to endure than the battle. 

I see what he means though.  Crises don’t come to stay, they come and pass through.  I can last on my own strength of character for a little bit, even when it’s a dramatic event.  It’s in the daily grinding down of my mind and spirit that I cannot survive without my Master and His Spirit resurrecting me.  I can become complacent in routines, but it’s easy to stay focused for short sprints of crisis.  I see what Chambers is getting at, and I do agree with that, to a degree.  And I suspect that he would accept the same degree of disagreement based on earlier entries.

There are crises that threaten the foundations of faith if that faith is based on the results of relating to my Master rather than my Master Himself.  What is done in the daily grinding to reach for my Master and cling to Him enables a building up of a faith that is truly holy.  It’s faith in Him, but it is also faith given freely by Him.  If I have no familiarity with such faith, then some crises can wipe away my “building” as if it were made on and of sand.

There is a way of life termed “management by crisis” where survival is attained or attempted by enabling crises in life.  There are varieties of reasons for doing this, and I have tried it before, and was pretty good at it.  I was lazy and didn’t want to do the work necessary to avoid crises, then thrived in the adulation of others after overcoming it (totally obscuring the fact the crisis was my fault for not planning), and finally biding my time in the spotlight waiting for the next crisis, waiting to shine once more.  Such a life is about me, not about my Master.  It didn’t last long.

Management by crisis requires manageable crises.  Since small crises often compound to form larger ones, the “management” technique eventually collapses.  It hurts when it does, and for me, forced me to grow up a little.  I would always play to my strengths, and avoid my weaknesses.  That plays the game of life by my rules instead of my Master’s.  He lets me, waiting for the inevitable collapse when I humbly return in shame.  I have been fairly successful in the last year playing by His rules, not entirely and not perfectly, but more and more.

Actually, I find that now, many months later (almost a year), it is getting more difficult to maintain that focus on my Master, and I sense myself drifting back toward my old thinking.  This is the point where my Master wants to do the most work.  This is the point where the benefit gained in faith during daily routine life really begins to grow me.  It is here that I am stretched more, even than in crises.

It is my wife and her family that is in crisis.  My older sister and her family is in crisis of a different but related sort.  I am not.  I am in a position to pray for them, bringing their crises before my Master.  I am in a position of relative comfort and ease, the perfect place to seek my Master’s face and focus on Him.  But I don’t.  I do pray from time to time about those in crisis, but I don’t focus on my Master as I should.  I still feel the habit of playing to my strengths gripping my mental patterns.  I have not entirely torn down that mental framework, but it needs to go.  It’s in disrepair, but it’s not gone as it should be.

All this to say that building myself in my holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit are things I want to describe me day in and day out.  Jude used those terms to describe his audience, and I want that to apply to me as well.  I want to be able to help my fellow believers who are sinking into error and despair.  I want to be useful in my Master’s Kingdom in ways that reveal His glory, not my own.  I’m on my way, but I’m not quite there yet.  Like Chambers says, it doesn’t happen in five minutes.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 21

Up On My Old Testament Soap Box…Again

Sanctification is a big theological word (like theological isn’t).  I have said in previous entries that it refers to the process used to dedicate something to a deity.  Remember that a pagan language, Greek, was used to convey this idea, and so the word had use and understanding for those who did not know the One True God, nor the Son, Jesus.  So it refers to the process used by any religion to dedicate something solely to the use of a deity, whatever deity.

The important things are the two elements of “process” and “dedicate”.  Dedication conveyed an idea of being cut off from whatever use, location, or possession something used to have and replacing that use, location, and possession over to the deity.  Now the object having gone through the process of dedication is used only for or by that deity, located with the deity, and is owned by the deity.

I want to put that in its simplest terms because I think the idea of “holiness” is often lost on modern minds, even in church.  For instance, how can someone consider themselves holy to the God of the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures but not spend time in the Hebrew Scriptures?  How is it that they can really be considered dedicated to that deity if there are reservations about that devotion and how they will be devoted?

Well meaning believers will say they want to know the will of God in their daily lives, yet never even think to look in the laws God gave to the Hebrews for their daily lives.  If such a suggestion is made, then they look hurt or offended or shocked and say, “we’re under grace not law!”  I don’t get that response.  It’s like taking the quote of Jesus where He says, “Man shall not live by bread alone,” and renouncing the super market lest you might buy such evils as bread.

Being dedicated to the Master of all matter means submitting myself to everything He reveals, not just the parts I’m comfortable with.  If my Master reveals areas in which He is interested that involve my daily routines, then I need to accept those.  There are lots of those in what we call the Law of Moses.  We seem to forget that it was recorded by Moses, but inspired by our Master.  What needs to be avoided is the temptation to use those laws as a means to be accepted by my Master, and as a measuring stick to compare myself to others.

Some of my favorite laws are actually in the set recorded in Exodus, and I don’t mean the Ten famous ones.  They are very practical means of guiding daily life, written much like ancient legal codes.  They are written in a way to decide cases brought before judges, or the city elders in the gates.  They hold insight into what my Master considers important, how my Master sees the value of people, and what does it mean to be holy in the daily routines of this unholy culture.

But to bring them forward into the circumstances of this day and age takes work.  And many people do not like to to do the work or find it intimidating.  It isn’t easy, but it is rewarding.  I find that among the ancients, my Master was progressive in women’s rights, spoke to the rights of employees and workplace safety, and took family relationships and the roles of parents and children very seriously.  This isn’t normally how my Master is seen or understood.

A lot of the will of my Master can be found simply through basic study of Scriptures rather than difficult passages.  It isn’t impossible or even hard to figure out how to treat women, employees, children or parents by studying the easier, more accessible passages.  The key is devotion and obedience to what is found in such study.  If the law of Moses is too hard, then the Beatitudes will suffice for a start.  The rest of the Sermon on the Mount is enough to occupy several years of study in understanding how a holy person behaves in this corrupt culture.

I find something wonderful about the character of my Master in discovering how He is the same even way back in the days of Moses and Abraham.  It’s sort of exciting when I find the words of Jesus among the Proverbs.  It’s comforting to me to know and see such evidence that my Master is truly the same yesterday, today; and then I can more easily believe that He’s forever.  I had a teacher who said something very profound, “There is more grace in the Old Testament than people think; and more wrath in the New Testament than people think.”  I have found that to be very true. 

I admit that the Hebrew Scriptures hold a fascination for me in a way not unlike my fascination with antiques.  I find a measure of quality and detail and heart put into such items that is sorely lacking today.  Our concrete buildings will never stand as long as the stone structures old in the days Abraham saw them in Egypt.  The words of my Master to the people of that day also carry a certain degree weight, greater than the stones they used to build.  Words of my Master to people capable of such work on behalf of demonic deities are words I feel a pull to seek and understand.  There is something there for the prideful people of this day; a message being missed in the hustle and bustle of the daily grind.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 20

In the Lap of Serenity

I know that the answer to my problems isn’t found in school.  I’ve been to school, and still missed the more important point.  I know that the answer to my problems is not found in knowledge about God.  I know a lot about God, and none of it was enough to shift my mind into His way of thinking.  I knew a lot about Him, but did not know Him as I should.

And that is the problem that I was not trying to solve in school and with knowledge.  My problems stem from my problem with my relationship with my Master.  Simply put, I have only one real problem: I don’t know my Master as I should, and as I can know Him.  That’s it.  And I don’t find that answer in school nor in knowledge acquired in any way; experientially or referentially.  That answer comes, as Chambers puts it, as I “soak on the great fundamental truths of God’s redemption.”

As in much of life, the cliché winds up being true, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”  In this instance, it’s whether or not and how well I know my Master, that is all that matters.  Having said that, I now turn to a problem that has been flowing out of this limited relationship.

I have been compromising.  The pastor on Sunday warned against making compromises that lead away from or are contrary to my Master.  He made his appeal very clear.  I loved it!  But it also ran roughly over my toes and sensibilities.  How do I get along in this world without compromise?  Well, I’m not supposed to (he mentioned that too).  The little things I do that are what addiction speak refer to as “middle-circle boundaries” are not acceptable. 

It doesn’t matter what’s on camera or not.  It doesn’t matter what triggers my accountability software.  What matters is what my Master is thinking as I take Him with me wherever I go on the internet, entertain in the recesses of my mind, and where I look in crowds.  That sounds legalistic, but it’s not legalism, it’s about what is acceptable to my Master.  I am acceptable but my conduct is not always.  When it is acceptable to me and I know it would not be to Him, then that is indicative of a problem with my relationship with Him.  It goes back to that, not to knowing something more, but knowing Him more.

The truth I find difficult to accept about myself is that I compromise because it’s easier to do.  Relationships take work, whether earthly or heavenly.  It’s easier to just try and get along with everyone, just compromising to make the most people happy.  The hard part is to hold to one perspective, my Master’s.  It’s simpler, but it’s also more difficult to do.

I do know, and therefore have a choice.  It’s a matter of knowing my Master so well, the choice is lopsided toward Him.  One of the real dangers of knowledge is the responsibility that comes with it.  I hate that part because it means that I hurt more and grieve more.  But it also means I have a joy that transcends the knowledge of times.  But that joy is really pale compared with the joy that comes from my relationship with my Master.  I may not be bothered by the wisdom of this world, and as nice as that is, that serenity is paltry compared with the serenity gained in lap of my Master. 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 19

Let the Craziness Begin…with Prayer!

Is it the eighteenth already?  My job takes a violently different turn today.  My tax customers have finished their last return for 2010 and now need my products to survive, many by the end of the month.  It will be bedlam for the rest of the month, but in a very good way; just busy.

In the hurriedness of my day, the crush of customers and processes, I will probably miss remaining attached to my Master.  The daily press of my circumstances will become a distraction.  It’s like wandering into deep water to wrestle with snakes and, in the commotion, not being able to hear my Wrestling Coach.  What I need is a tether so He can get my attention by tugging the rope.

The danger is that I begin to work in my own strength; those are muscles I don’t need to exercise.  I need to exercise my faith in my Master.  What I have done in the past was to try to involve Him in my day rather than consider myself involved in His.  I work for Him, not my manager, nor my customers.  It seems an odd way to view it, but both my manager and my customers are really more people He is interested in.

As Chambers points out, Jesus has revealed how I am to be devoted to Him, by loving others.  The Apostle John seemed consumed by this phrase of Jesus, and legend has it that he would repeat it whenever anyone asked for another word from Jesus’ life.  Even as he was old and carried about on a mat stretcher, he would say, “love one another.”  When asked why, he reputedly said, “because that sums up the words of Jesus,” or something to that effect.  It was as if that were the greatest commandment.  That was legend, but his first letter seems to be consumed by that theme.

So, the love I show to others is a reflection of the level of devotion I have to my Master?  Sort of.  If the love I have for others drains me, then no.  At that point the love I show to others is from my own paltry stocks instead of the limitless supply from my Master.  My access to that store is gained through time with Him.  What love I show to others is a reflection of whether or not that time ever took place, and to what degree.  Time with my Master has an affect on me.  How can it not?

That forms the tether I need to wander into the deep snake-infested water, and still be connected with my Master.  I just need to make sure I don’t untie it thinking I free myself up by doing so.  So, here I go; swim trunks and swim shirt, into the writhing waters.  At least I shouldn’t be bored.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 18

Even Greater Things of Prayer

At first I thought Chambers over emphasized prayer by calling it the "greater things" referred to in John 14:12. But as I continued reading, and as I remembered the examples from even recent church history, I admit, he may be right.

He mentions at the end the things that will be done when my orders are received from my Master, but those are not the "greater things", those are the things which Jesus did. Greater things result from the contact with my Master that is really life anyway. But I need to be disciplined to do it.

The pastor at my church yesterday spoke from Galatians 5 and covered the deeds of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit. He was right on point with the lack of compromise in my Master, but present in so much of those claiming faith in Him; including me. Those compromises more often than not are what keep me from connection with my Master. If that connection is the "greater things" than my Master did in His earthly ministry, then my failure is even more huge. Not only am I giving up time with the Maker of stars and Tracer of quarks, but I am failing to accomplish His greater things in my life.

Had the "greater things" been more dramatic like healing, raising the dead, or feeding five thousand with rocks, then failing would be difficult to pin to me. If I look at it as prayer, all my excuses evaporate like the thin mist they are. What stands revealed is the compromise I have made that keeps me from my Master's presence; the greater things I am called to.

To the degree that this blog is prayer, and to a degree it is, this process I go through each morning helps keep me in my Master's presence. The problem is that I don't blog all day. This is the same problem I have always had with prayer. At some point I stopped praying, and life swept away the effects of the time I just spent with the Master of the universe. That wasn't always the case, but it was a very real problem for me.

What I need is the daily grind prayer life that permeates my whole day. I'm not even close to that yet. I see it, and have mentioned it several times. It needs to become my focus as I try to wrap my mind around that being the "greater things" I do because my Master is before the Father once again. Part of what I need to do is unlearn the scale of success put in place from my youth; the number of souls won to the Kingdom. I need to replace that scale with how saturated my life is with conversation with my Master. Maybe if I use a hammer, the paradigm shift might work easier. I'll start with a rubber mallet though.

Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest, October 17

Praying The Harvest In? Sort of

I know a few missionaries, and prayer is constantly what they ask for.  What they see in the lives of the people in their assigned countries are addressed by prayer.  But in the denomination I followed, missionaries are becoming scarce.  The money to send them is not as plentiful as it was.  The work is being scaled back.

Part of that is the economy is the continued  problems in the American economy.  Part of that is also a shift in priorities of people, and that one is caused by fear replacing faith.  But there may be other factors involved.  I am no longer with that denomination, so I don’t contribute as I once did.  However many times that happened with others leaving the denomination, there was a hole left each time.

But the answer is not money, as the missionaries I know don’t ask for money, they ask for prayer.  But they also pray.  I don’t know how often, how fervently, or when in any given day they pray, but I know that they know it’s an integral piece of what they do.  And that is not just true for missionaries, but for all believers.

I can do whatever work I want for my King, but until I do the work He wants, I’m not serving, not really.  It’s like when my daughter helps me do a job, but only the way she wants.  It sometimes makes my job harder.  I let her do it because I want her to want to help others.  But somewhere down the line, there is a lesson that she will need to learn that help is help when I do what’s needed, not what I want. 

As a servant to the King, this is especially important to me.  I have a responsibility to serve my King in what He directs.  I’m not unique in this, I’m just acknowledging that I recognize the responsibility.  I would like to be directed at dramatic things, big things for my Master.  But right now, it’s small things, like prayer.  What I see is that my Master, like Chambers says, wants me, not my work.

In Matthew 9:38, Jesus is just going on about His ministering, and seeing the crowds, He says to His disciples, “The harvest is abundant, but the workers lack.  Therefore ask the Lord of the Harvest to send out workers into His Harvest.”  The solution is prayer.  Perhaps the disciples would the be ones sent (i.e. Matthew 10), but the sending is preceded by prayer.  And the sending of the Twelve was temporary; break during the ministry they normally followed.  But for some it was not.  The Gegaderene Demoniac was sent to the Decapolis to tell of the things that God had done for him.  He was given that task instead of being allowed to follow Jesus around (Mark 5).

My sense of reality is a dangerous thing.  When my Master directs, calls, and sends me, I can’t evaluate it on the grounds of what makes sense to me.  I’m not here in North Nevada because of what makes sense to me.  I decided to obey, and then things began to be arranged on my behalf without my control.  But obedience was preceded by prayer.  I prayed for direction and direction came.  It came in stages, and I moved ahead only in those stages given that timing.  This is an example of doing it right; one among a throng of examples of doing it wrong.

Prayer is where my Master wants me to spend my effort.  Once in His hand, tuned to His voice, then the actions I take in this community will reflect His will.  Without prayer, it is my own wisdom and ability that I work with, and the results will definitely show it.  That’s not what I want, not really.  Although, my human self-centered soul would love to have my Master’s results come out of my effort.  It doesn’t work that way, and thankfully it doesn’t.  The results my Master brings about come out of His work and my obedience leads me to the background.

That may sound odd in our culture of seeking that 15 minutes of fame spoken of so much.  But I can’t save anyone from hell.  Why would I want attention from others?  The attention needs to be on my Master who does save people from hell.  If I distract anyone from Him, I will be removed by my Master.  The life of those distracted people around me depends on Him removing me, the distraction.

So, I point to my Master.  I direct praise I get toward Him, but I do so in a way that removes me from center stage and pulls me into the background setting where I belong.  I can’t just willy-nilly praise Him when I am praised, that only tries to intensify the attention I get with false humility (which is really obvious, and usually turns me off of personality-based ministries).  I have a responsibility to others to magnify my Master to my exclusion.

One important way I do that is to own publicly my weaknesses.  When I am clearly weak and imperfect, then any praise for what is accomplished through me has to go to my Master, there’s no other explanation.  This is one of the important reasons for the accountability I have through this blog.  I own my weaknesses here on the world-wide web so it will be blatantly obvious to even the most casual observer that I can do nothing and my Master does everything.

Pray that the Lord of the Harvest will send out workers into His Harvest.  More workers are needed, so I must pray.  By the way, so the power of prayer is understood, my daughter is now doing dishes; right now.  She protested, but I just went on with the blog.  She got up, went into the kitchen and started doing them.  That was not me, I left it in my Masters hands.  Now, if He would just get her to put the dry ones away first (one step at a time, one step at a time).

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 16

Why Is God So Interested in Blood?

The entry for today is based out of 1 John 2:2, and it relies on a word which most people in this day do not understand.  Even reading the definition doesn’t bring home the significance of it.  The word is propitiation, and it is important because of that often overlooked part of the life with the Master of the universe, His wrath.

The Greek word is only used twice, and only in 1 John.  It is related to a word used for the “Mercy Seat” in the Hebrew Temple.  That relation is where the trail of blood is typically lost.  The Mercy Seat was where the blood of the sacrifice was sprinkled to atone for the sins of the nation of Israel.  It took blood, and it had to be repeated every year. 

That practice of blood on the Mercy Seat was what Jesus overly fulfilled in His death on the cross.  In that event, the blood of a perfect sacrifice was used, God provided it, and it was not just for the nation of Israel, but for the whole world (actually for the entire created order, cosmos).  In other words, God, Creator of matter and energy, had to be appeased.  Appeasement implies a threat, and the great threat of the Universal Master is His wrath.  This is not a comfortable place for believers to hang out.

Unfortunately, not hanging out in that truth means it isn’t communicated to this world, and much of the world then falls into the wrath of God.  It’s like standing in the middle of the street hoping that if the speeding bus is ignored it won’t hit me.  Reality is quite different.  The good news is that the terror of the wrath of God is met and removed in the work of Jesus’ blood.  He Himself is the blood sacrifice that appeased the wrath on our failures to measure up, and not ours alone but also the whole created order.

This is one of those areas where I have had to wrestle with and offer up the ideas of what I want my god to be like, and accept in its place what the God of the Universe describes Himself to be.  Just because my Master has revealed Himself as the Son and the Spirit, does not take away the consistent truth that there is a Father.  But even in the descriptions of Jesus in Revelation is fairly terrifying.  He rides a white horse, and His robe is dipped in blood.  He leads an army into battle and the destruction of that war rearranges the entire created order.

I am a knight of the realm, servant to the King, and my King wields a mighty sword.  His wrath is impossible for His creatures to appease on their own, so He made the sacrifice Himself.  I serve a powerful King, a Destroyer King, but also a Creator King.  He has created the means to survive His coming destruction; but it is coming.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 15

One of My Weaknesses

“I am weak, but Thou art strong,” starts my life’s theme song.  Jesus keeps me from wrong not my own ability, knowledge, strength, or even my own will.  I am weak.  He is strong.  But can I, or will I, be satisfied as long as I walk close to Him?

Jesus called His disciples to Himself and told them to go.  But the first words were not “go”, but rather, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.”  It was a statement of fact.  It is still true.  He has the authority over me, and anything I choose besides Him is rebellion.  It sounds crazy, but that includes myself, my family, my job, or anything else in my sphere of experience.

All authority has been given to Him, so nothing else is supposed to have authority in my life.  But stuff does.  I feel emotions, and as a guy, I have little or no idea what to do with them, or even what they are.  I have to consciously inventory my emotions before they become manageable.  How sad is that? (which is an emotion by the way)

But I have also found that there are elements to me that are not emotion, but something else.  I have physiological problems, and one of them includes depression.  I thought depression was emotional, but for me, it’s chemically driven.  Not driven by chemicals I take, but those loose in my brain.  An excessive amount of neurotransmissions clutters my mind, but also drives my emotional state down.  Those aren’t thoughts, at least not conscious ones.  I’m not sure what they are, but they aren’t good.  So, I take a medication for them.  I don’t think it’s able to keep up though.

Right now, I am in depression, emotionally, and probably physiologically.  I feel it, but can’t tie it to normal daily life.  There are things in my life out of my control:  I have a niece and her husband who are experiencing a severe trial of their faith.  My wife’s aunt is dying.  These things play at my mind, seeping into and through my thoughts, and I am sad.  For me, these things are dangers I must be aware of and deal with.  I can’t afford to ignore the signs.  I must weep, whether it’s manly or not.  I must grieve and that is a process not just one feeling.  I must feel these emotions or they will destroy me.  (that sounds dramatic doesn’t it?)

I don’t mean that I will die from them, I mean that all that my Master has done in my life lately will become undone.  I’d have to start over, which is not the same as being destroyed, so I was being overly dramatic.  I can start over, or rather, my Master begin again with me.  But this time in my life is no surprise to my Master, he engineered the setting I would experience it in.  He engineered the timing, the resources available to my family, and the new found devotion to Him.  I am living now more than I have in a long time.  And so, now I must feel as I have never felt, experiencing emotions to a degree I have avoided my entire life.

Experiencing emotions is not being ruled by them, but rather it is an immersive experience.  It is when I don’t experience them intentionally that I am ruled by them unintentionally; at least for me anyway.  But, since I haven’t a lot of practice at this, I fumble around with it.  I don’t know how to do it really, I just try to figure it out.  I have a busy morning, but a free afternoon.  And now I have an important task.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 14

Called Out of The Desert? No, Not Right Now.

This entry unsettles me.  After eleven years out from ministry, the prospect that my Master may lead me back into it is unsettling.  I spent ten years gaining education, I spent two years in ministry after school, and have spent eleven years out of ministry.  Honestly, I would not be thrilled to be called back.  Church people are a lot more fun from the congregational side than from the platform.  And besides, I felt the call to the platform, not the personal engagement that makes up the bulk of pastoring.

If I’m herding sheep right now in the desert, then I would prefer to keep herding them rather than shepherd a different sort of flock.  But even as I write that I feel how wrong it is. It’s not about me, what I want, or whether I enjoy or wouldn’t enjoy ministry again.  It’s about obedience.  Now, I don’t sense a call back to ministry, but I cannot call myself a servant of my King if I restrict where I will be obedient.

The truth I have to accept is that whatever my Master calls me to is what He intends for me to do.  So, I will hesitate, test, wait, listen, and confirm anything sounding remotely like vocational ministry.  Of course, that’s not a bad method to employ in ministry either.  In fact whether in ministry or out, my life (and therefore any ministry I do) still isn’t about me.

This entry in MUFHH is more about allowing my Master to grow me into the person He can use for His purposes.  It is less about what His purposes may or may not be, and even less about what I want.  I’m sure my wife is pleased I don’t sense a call to return to vocational ministry, but I also know she’d accept it if I were called.  The question now is about my heart.  Am I willing to accept it if I’m called?

I suppose, if it were clear and unmistakable, I would go.  I might go kicking and screaming, but I would go.  No, I wouldn’t.  I would go with the foreboding of impending suffering though.  It’s part of the package.  I can’t care about people and not have them trample me.  It doesn’t work that way.  Caring means being trampled, whether by family or friends, or a group of fellow believers.  I suppose that my Master brings me through the same path He laid out while He was walking this earth; a path of being hurt by the very people you serve.

To sum up, okay, if I’m called I’ll go and suffer, but I’m not called yet.  Instead, today I have a day-long training via teleconference.  Hmm. Maybe I am called, or perhaps what I do now is ministry.  It’s suffering for sure.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 13

Daily Life With my Master

I am challenged at the day-to-day level of living out my faith.  Daily stuff seems well within my ability to manage, so I don’t give much thought to reliance (and therefore submission) to my Master within it.  But that lack shows in my relationships with my daughter, my wife, co-workers, and my community.  They are part of the setting of my daily life, and, in the eyes of my Master, just as vital a part of that setting as I am.

I guess that really gets at the heart of the issue with me.  When I rely on my own abilities and perspectives throughout my day, then I become master of the day-to-day.  I begin to treat people from my own store of love, grace, mercy, and gentleness… Some of you already know how “deep” those stores are.  What I really need is the fruit of my Master’s Spirit to live out those qualities in me throughout my daily routine, every day.  Those qualities are only present in me as my Master stores them up.  They aren’t my stores at all, but His; on deposit as it were.

The idea should be that I am a steward (as a knight and servant should be to his King) of the qualities my Master invests in me.  I don’t rely on my stores of mercy, gentleness, goodness, peace and so on.  And, perhaps more importantly, I don’t develop the expectation that I somehow grow my own reserves of such qualities.  Mine just aren’t the same level quality of personal quality.  I can’t live as if I practice with my Master’s stores so that I can learn to grow my own. 

If I want “the good stuff” in my life, why wouldn’t I continue to rely on His qualities?  Because I desire home-grown control.  I want to be king.  There’s no other reason I would.  And such desire for power is earthly, fleshly, born of fear, and stark rebellion against my Master.  It is also how I currently live out much of my daily life.  So, what do I do?

To an extent, I’m doing something in writing these blog entries.  But I really need more.  I need to practice reaching out to my Master throughout the day.  I need to practice invoking His name as I answer the phone or place a call.  I need to consider my Master’s perspective as I read email and type responses. 

Today, I demonstrate one product line for some of my team mates.  This is an opportunity to reach out to my Master as to encourage my co-workers up against an insurmountable challenge.  It is also an opportunity to show off.  In considering my Master’s perspective, these people are just as important element to the setting of my life as I am.  So, my focus should be on honoring His desire for them, His interest in their lives, His love and grace for them.  He may not be interested in making their lives easy (this is earth not heaven), but He is interested in their lives about Him.  Therein is peace, patience, gentleness, and goodness.  Maybe if those qualities come out through me, they will inquire about where I got them.

My day should be about my Master’s perspective on my daily routine.  There are no heroics in barracks life, but most of my time is there, not in the amazing events of life.  How I live in the barracks will make life on the battlefield better.  Discipline in my daily duties will carry over to discipline on the battlefield.  So what I do today has importance for the rest of my life.  It’s not just another day…well, actually it is, but this ordinary day is a setup for the extraordinary one around the corner.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 12

Is The Silence of my Master Good or Just Fine?

I have never considered the silence of my Master in answer to prayer as a gracious gift.  I now know better to wait and rest in those times, I had to in Texas before moving west.  But even then, I wouldn’t have characterized the silence as a gift.  It was more frustrating even then.

I believe my Master is able to handle my frustrations, but frustrations are not the best way to grow deeper with Him.  I learned that in the silence is peace, and when the turmoil of life is what I bring to Him, peace is exactly what I need.  If it comes in the silences of my Master then I will take it that way, but I would rather find peace in His words and attention.

It’s not that in the silence I don’t have His attention.  What I don’t have is the communication of either His direction or perspective.  In some sense I have to operate on the last command given, resting in the assurance that when a new one is needed, He will give it.  In another sense I have to rest in the basics of worship, prayer, and Bible reading.  I do those things to be ready to hear when He speaks, not so He will speak.

I understand more of what can be found in silence in and through the silence of my Master, but I don’t know I would characterize what I find as more profound or grander than at other times.  I find that I’m really strong enough to endure the silence because I have a history with Him to rely on.  I have found that my Master is present with me even in the silence, although I have to trust that rather than rely on feelings or other senses.

I have to admit that even in writing about my Master I still feel the presence of the desires of my flesh.  My wife has just left on a long trip or sequence of trips, and the loneliness is saddening.  I texted a friend of mine who helps me through these times, relying on someone else in my weakness.  It is my Master who provided him, and it is an act of faith to reach out to him.  It is also a confession of weakness, and therefore very important to do.  I can’t forget that I am weak, or I will never be able to find that peace in the silences of my Master.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 11

Learning to Learn from my Master

Not to down-play my education too much, but it really hasn’t brought me closer to my Master.  I like it, and enjoy using the skills and things I have learned, but it’s not like it makes me more spiritual or gave me a closer walk with my Master.  The only thing that has moved me deeper into my relationship with my Master is obedience.

My experience has not been quite like Chambers describes though.  As I obey, my Master hasn’t immediately opened up the next thing.  Sometimes He has been teaching me patience and the peace found in waiting on Him.  In those instances, the obedience was drawn out over a period of time. 

What I have learned in the past ten months has been much more valuable that what I learned in the previous fourteen years.  At school I learned how to learn as well as accumulated a lot of facts and some skills.  None of it really prepared me for life with my Master, or, as it turns out, in church ministry.

In my experience, my Master has revealed that He is Master of circumstances, Master of timing, and Master of means.  That’s great and all, but the resulting knowledge came, as Chambers points out, as I obeyed.  When I submitted to His change of circumstances (or clearer revelation of what was really going on all along), I felt peace; but He didn’t immediately reveal the next circumstance.

When the house sold three months before we expected, my Master revealed Himself as Master of timing, but this still came after expectantly waiting for the next thing.  We submitted to His timing and He opened up a place to live, but He showed that to us before the house closed.  Again, it was not so much obedience to my Master as it was adapting to circumstances He orchestrated.

When all my attempts at coming up with a new job at my company failed, I just put the problem of provision in my Master’s lap.  He immediately provided a job I hadn’t expected; the one I had done differently.  He revealed Himself as Master of means, but that had been going on with my wife’s job even before I was offered mine.

I guess what I am learning is that as Master of timing, El Shaddai sometimes waits for me to obey, and sometimes waits well after I obey, depending on the lesson.  I see Him as Master of timing, but the truth is He is really the Master Teacher.  So, when my education prepared me to learn, in some ways, I was prepared to learn from my Master.  It just has taken me a long time to pick the right teacher to listen to.

I am a learner, a student, an apprentice, a servant.  I am all these to my Master to some degree; some more than others.  I doubt my apprenticeship will include stellar ignition or subatomic reorganization.  But I suspect that love and grace and mercy will definitely fit within the apprenticeship role.  I suspect that servant will be a role somewhat like “practicum” or when Jesus sent out the 12 and 72. 

So, as a student of my Master, I have a role to fill requiring submission first.  That is one of the things I learned from school: I had to do the homework.  Today, I don’t know what the homework is beyond doing my job well, but as anything develops beyond that, I will endeavor to submit to it, and complete it.  I think I hear the recess bell, I better get back inside!

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 10

Every Sunday is Atonement Sunday!

Today’s MUFHH post is perfect for a Sunday.  This is the day of the week where I am most easily aware of the work of my Master.  Sunday’s are the easiest day to remember the Atonement for my deepest problem, my hereditary problem.  Each Sunday, our church holds communion.  It was a bit strange at first, and is a task to keep it fresh each week, but the pastor does a wonderful job by getting different men to share a devotional before we  partake.  It is fresh for them, and so, it is fresh for us.  And each Sunday I am reminded of the work of my Master on my behalf, and I share that remembrance with a hundred others.

I can do nothing for my own salvation.  Even my choice of my Master was part of what I was designed with from before birth.  I was wired that way, and I was placed in that environment.  It isn’t fair when I consider so many who weren’t given that environment.  I pray that they were at least wired to receive from the Universal Master, but I also have a responsibility to share what I have been given.  I have a responsibility to go after those who were not given the environmental advantage I had.  I go after them with the intent of displaying what my Master has given me, and might be giving them.

I play a video game based on movies but with Lego characters.  There is no dialogue, instead they play a form of charades in short video vignettes as segues to the next game area.  In some sense my sharing of my faith is like those charade vignettes.  What I do means more than the  noise I make doing it.  It all should be communicating the Atonement.  As Chambers asks, “where is the discernment of the Atonement in this thing, and in that?”

If the work of my Master takes center stage in my life, then it forms the cornerstone for the rest of the building of my day.  All the people I touch in the various parts of the country and world should be somehow impacted by the work of my Master on their behalf.

I translated the passage for this morning from Romans 6.  The message of that passage is that I am a slave to something, but I am free to choose my master.  I can choose either the Universal Master, or I can choose to serve my fleshly nature of desires and emotions.  In it is verse 20 where Paul says that while the Romans were slaves to sin they were also free to righteousness.  I had to really think this over until I realized that they weren’t free to both, nor enslaved to both.  They had, at some point, chosen being enslaved to sin.  So in verse 21 he asks what benefit they derived from their choice. 

I have lived like that for years.  Until I finally surrendered my need to be “healthy” and my need for independence from whatever, I was enslaved to my fleshly weaknesses.  Once I gave up that “need” I found freedom I have never known before.  It took surrendering something I never expected to have to surrender.  I wanted to surrender my sin, my attitudes toward others, and so on.  Instead it was my fear of falling into the diseases of my family that had to go.  I have a family that has suffered multiple sclerosis, dementia, heart disease, and, so it seems, depression.  It was my fear of those that led me to avoid health issues, fear them and doctors.

The way our world goes, I will probably die of some sort of cancer, but I will only go, by whatever means, at the time appointed by my Master.  If, before I go, I suffer dementia, or multiple sclerosis then I will receive from my Master’s hand as I have received the other blessings He has given.  I have often wondered where those with dementia and Alzheimer's go before they die; perhaps I’ll find out before I die. That’s a brave face on a terribly frightening thing for me.  But perhaps my prideful hold on my own mind is one of those things I will need to learn to let go of.

Whatever my destiny in the mind of my Master, I am redeemed by the Atonement paid by my Master.  He has made up what I could not in His own requirement of justice and holiness.  He made it possible for me to relate to Him and has drawn me to Himself.  The degree to which I swim against the currents of His Spirit is the degree to which I suffer spiritual exhaustion.  When I swim with the current in the river of His Spirit, I am exhilarated and invigorated.  Why I try to swim upstream I have no idea.  What is it I think I missed up there that makes me want to go back?

Well, I have a day to jump into.  My family returns today and I have a little work to do before they arrive.  Blessings on you, and I pray you are reminded of the Atonement you have received this Lord’s Day.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 9

Come to The Master for Peace and Rest

This is one of the entries in MUFHH where I just want to go and sit quietly with my Master for a while.  My powers of concentration lack much that looks like power, so I will probably be right back.

In Matthew 11 Jesus’ call to “Come to Me” directed at those to whom He has revealed the Father, those considered foolish or infants, and those He called out of that generation and those cities.  In other gospels, He calls out those words at a festival.  The call is still directed at those who are spent and carrying heavy loads.  He promises rest, a refreshing rest for the whole person, not just the muscles or bones or mind or heart; His rest is for the whole soul.

I’m doing well, even though I have this weekend to myself.  I have things to do, places to go, and people to hang out with.  It is silent right now, but even that is relative.  I still hear the hum and buzz of the actions of other people.  I am not alone, per se, just alone in the sense that I am not in the house with anyone.  But even here, I hear my Master call me to come to Him.  As Chambers says, it’s not to do something of consequence, but rather to be somewhere of magnitude.  What can I come up with that is better than the presence of the Universal Master of protons and stars, galaxies and quarks?

Today I have work to do that will put me with other believers.  I have a family to help that will put me with other believers.  And I have a festival to attend that will put me with all sorts of people.  Somewhere in there I hope to clean the livingroom.  These make up my short todo list for the day.  In all of them is the opportunity to come to my Master, and from the foot of His throne to minister and be ministered to.  I have need of both, since others are blessed in both.

I feel a sense of peace over this day, but it is an energetic peace.  I am excited to jump into it.  But first things first.  Breakfast is a necessary element if I am to work much.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 8

Living Life: That’s the Hard Part

Seeing death as relational rather than physical I thought was pretty radical.  But it makes even more sense when I put sin in the same relational basket.  Now the reason death is relational is explained.  If sin is choosing independence from the Master of the universe, then sin would be death; being out of relationship with the Master of the universe.  On the other hand, since I can’t bridge the gulf in that relationship, I would have to be dependent upon what the Universal Master would do on my behalf.  So, Jesus is the solution placed before me.  The terms, “redemption” and “rebellion” now fit better into my understanding of the solution and problem with the world.

I don’t like dependence.  I don’t like going to the doctor or dentist for that reason and more.  I don’t like not being able to direct my destiny.  But, on the other hand, by giving up my independence and my destiny to the Universal Master, I gain access to Him.  So which is better, directing my destiny on this lump of space rock, or sitting down with the One having created space and everything in it and learning about Him?  Sure, as an American, I want independence, I was born to it, I have a sense of entitlement to it.  But I have another human condition which places me independent where I was never intended to be.  I belong in a garden.

So, when I consider the solution of the Universal Master to this human condition, I see a burden as massive as the shear crush of history and future of the human creatures crawling over this terrestrial ball.  All that hereditary isolation from the Creator, couched in the terms of independence, was summed up and consumed in the penalty paid by my Master.  For me, the event of Jesus’ death is more than an event of physical suffering; the physical suffering was almost a parable compared to the unthinkable amount of suffering at its climatic end.  When my Master, having revealed Himself as Three, suffers a separation within Himself, then suffering is redefined, and I cannot wrap my mind around the enormity of it.  That separation is the undeserved, substitutionary death which bought my access back into the garden.

But I’m not there yet.  This redemption I have gained the benefit of which was so expensive is not yet complete.  So, here in this place, I am directed to model my life after this indescribable gift.  I have been redeemed, and I am to live in this universe as such.  What does that look like as I relate to my wife, my daughter, my friends here in this community, and my church?  Claiming to understand life and death, dependence and sin, blessings and curses is all well and good.  But understanding is borne out in living.  If I really understand, then I will live in this world.  If I behave as if I’m dead, then what do I really understand?  And why do would I live as if I were dead?  For me, it is usually out of fear.  How ridiculous is that?  I have life but am afraid to live because of what the dead people might think.  Really? Seriously?

I am a fool, that much is clear.  I just need to become fine with being a fool for my Master, considered such by the dead around me.  I have spent too much time being a fool before my Master, acting foolish in His eyes.  How much that has cost me I will not know until I give an account of myself before His throne, but one day I will know.  The irony that strikes me to the heart is that, even as I played the fool, His love and grace never waivered.  He hated the sight of what I did, yet His love and desire for me never dimmed.  Even in those times, He had my back, keeping me from the deadly deep waters around which I played.  He kept me from things I can’t imagine, and the enemy was never able to snatch me from His hand.  Unbelievable, yet I am a testimony to its truth.

Today, my wife and daughter head to the Sierra Nevada’s for a weekend retreat.  I will be here holding the home for their return.  I will be alone in one sense, but I will be communing with the Universal Master in another.  The question is will I give into my compulsion for independence or will I surrender my right to myself to my Master.  It’s easy to choose life on the front end of the day, in the beauty and cool of the dawn.  It is another to hold that choice in the heat of the afternoon when reality bears down hard.  I hope to be able to post tomorrow that I enjoyed victory in my Master today, and then to post that again on Sunday.  That’s what I hope, I pray for that hope to be a fertile seedbed for faith, and that faith to lead me to love as I am loved.  Life is relational, and so my Master leads me to live.  I may be visiting you later, just humor me, I’m following the lead of my Master; I’m just not as graceful at it as He is.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 7

Holy Heredity, Matt-Man!

Today’s entry in MUFHH is right at what I have been working on or moving toward these past ten months.  I get this entry, and I really like the way he put it.  The basic idea here is repentance.  Unlike much of the teaching in church today, repentance isn’t something I do, but a choice I make.  Repentance doesn’t mean that I start or stop doing something; that unit of measure is used by others to evaluate my repentance.  Repentance means I change my mind to agree with my Master about my sin.

One of the keys often missed here is that sin is not always what I do.  Sometimes it is simply a disposition.  I can do the good things for the wrong reason, and be sinning without anyone knowing, sometimes without me knowing.  The unit of measure for sin is my obedience to my Master, not the moral sensitivities of my fellow believers or human beings.  I have struggled with people pleasing for so long, I really find it difficult to change my unit of measure.  When I care more about what others think than I do about what my Master directs me to do, I’m in real danger.

In such a mindset, how can I not keep sinning?  And the stress level of that mindset is terrible.  The saying goes that I can please some of the people all of the time, all the people some of the time, but I can’t please all the people all the time.  Trying that is stressful.  I reduce the stress by trying to limit the population I try to please, but if their happiness depends on me, again, I’m in real trouble.  I don’t have that sort of power to make it work.

The way Chambers describes sanctification as realizing my need for His sanctification (process of being made holy), the Spirit of my Master acts to impart His heredity of holiness to me.  I fulfill the moral imperatives of my Master only when I own my need for His help, accept the work of His cross to pay my debt, and submit to the work of His Spirit in my own.  Then those impossible moral imperatives (like in Matthew 5) become second nature; His nature in me.

The work on my part in my salvation is submission, first and last.  I confess Him to be my Master on the frontend, and I live in submission to Him throughout the rest.  Somewhere in the eternity I have, sanctification becomes complete and I see Him face-to-face.  But right now, in this tiny scrap of time I have on this space rock I’m glued to, I’m still submitting imperfectly, living imperfectly, and struggling to focus on my Master more perfectly. 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 6