How Was I Saved? I’m Confused

Some years ago, while I was interviewing for a ministry position in Oregon (which I didn’t end up getting), I got into a discussion with the pastor about what salvation requires.  He and his church held the belief that baptism was required.  I do not.  But he made a comment that I had to concede.  He said that Baptists believe that repentance precedes salvation, so they add something we do as well.  I have to agree that Baptist doctrine does include repentance as preceding salvation.  But he and I disagreed on what that meant.

I wish I had been familiar with Chambers’ entry from this morning.  That would have helped a lot.  My lack of reading and familiarity with various thoughts on this issue is part of my problem.  I hold views that I don’t always remember how I got into.  I’ve been out of school for quite some time, and some of the required reading has faded in detail. 

Putting the cause for salvation on Jesus and His work on the cross and resurrection is easy until the problem of why some people are not affected by it is added.  It is at that point where a “selection process” is obviously at work, but not really understood.  The normal fall-back position for “Calvinistic” positions is the Sovereignty of God; He chooses whoever He will for salvation.

Only so much stock can be put in being able to choose to believe or follow Jesus.  It is more likely and easier to support that believers are chosen rather choosers.  If that’s the case, then the faith to receive salvation is as much of a gift than the salvation itself.  The reception of salvation is not from me, my ability to understand, or even my ability to submit and receive.  Frankly I don’t have a lot of demonstrated ability that way.

So, when Chambers says, “I am not saved by believing; I realize I am saved by believing” what he is doing is putting the cause of the change of my state from “sinner apart from God” to “rightly relating to God” on the action of God through His Son, Jesus.  I don’t figure it out and believe or submit to the idea and believe.  My state is changed, God reveals that to me, and I believe that.

There is a problem with this view and the essence of my American cultural paradigm.  I want to have a hand in my status.  I am free to choose, I have freedom to do whatever I want; either follow God or not follow God.  But Paul tells me that even the faith is a gift of God and not from myself.  When he goes further to say that it is not from works, that means that it is not my obedience or belief as works or actions on my part.

I have no boast before my Master.  I have nothing to bargain with, or even for.  I can’t threaten to walk away any more than I can threaten to hold my breath until I die.  I’m not capable of either.  It’s not that I won’t, I can’t.  Something about this seems wrong, as if now I am the robot that I had hoped my Master would make me.  Why would it be that for salvation I have no choice, but daily I have to choose to submit to Him?  So I have choice once I’m saved, but not in the salvation itself?

My views and opinions are really of no value here.  What is needed is Scripture.  Unfortunately, that is something else I can’t remember.  I don’t remember which position is based on which Scripture.  Until I find that, this is just an opinion, and I accept that it’s not necessarily a popular one.  I don’t particularly like it either.  I’m not a flaming 5-point Calvinist, or least I don’t want to be.  I have to admit a certain affinity for some of those points though.  There, I’ve confessed it.  Confession is the first step toward recovery right?  Perhaps I can gain back some semblance of autonomy from my Master.  But is that what I want, really?  I feel a sense that Romans 7 is creeping up on me again.  I need to dive into Chapter 8 for safety!

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 28