Called Out of The Desert? No, Not Right Now.

This entry unsettles me.  After eleven years out from ministry, the prospect that my Master may lead me back into it is unsettling.  I spent ten years gaining education, I spent two years in ministry after school, and have spent eleven years out of ministry.  Honestly, I would not be thrilled to be called back.  Church people are a lot more fun from the congregational side than from the platform.  And besides, I felt the call to the platform, not the personal engagement that makes up the bulk of pastoring.

If I’m herding sheep right now in the desert, then I would prefer to keep herding them rather than shepherd a different sort of flock.  But even as I write that I feel how wrong it is. It’s not about me, what I want, or whether I enjoy or wouldn’t enjoy ministry again.  It’s about obedience.  Now, I don’t sense a call back to ministry, but I cannot call myself a servant of my King if I restrict where I will be obedient.

The truth I have to accept is that whatever my Master calls me to is what He intends for me to do.  So, I will hesitate, test, wait, listen, and confirm anything sounding remotely like vocational ministry.  Of course, that’s not a bad method to employ in ministry either.  In fact whether in ministry or out, my life (and therefore any ministry I do) still isn’t about me.

This entry in MUFHH is more about allowing my Master to grow me into the person He can use for His purposes.  It is less about what His purposes may or may not be, and even less about what I want.  I’m sure my wife is pleased I don’t sense a call to return to vocational ministry, but I also know she’d accept it if I were called.  The question now is about my heart.  Am I willing to accept it if I’m called?

I suppose, if it were clear and unmistakable, I would go.  I might go kicking and screaming, but I would go.  No, I wouldn’t.  I would go with the foreboding of impending suffering though.  It’s part of the package.  I can’t care about people and not have them trample me.  It doesn’t work that way.  Caring means being trampled, whether by family or friends, or a group of fellow believers.  I suppose that my Master brings me through the same path He laid out while He was walking this earth; a path of being hurt by the very people you serve.

To sum up, okay, if I’m called I’ll go and suffer, but I’m not called yet.  Instead, today I have a day-long training via teleconference.  Hmm. Maybe I am called, or perhaps what I do now is ministry.  It’s suffering for sure.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 13