I am fighting the frustration of not knowing why something doesn’t work. I know that part of my frustration is that I don’t understand the fundamental underlying principles, but I expect that I should. I don’t know exactly why that bothers me, but it can’t be a good thing.
In the area of computers I have worked and used them, understanding the fundamental principles since I was a kid. Now, everything is so different, I feel like an idiot when something goes wrong. Now computers have programs that move at so many layers with so many objects and files, I can’t follow them any longer. It bothers me, and it bothers me that it bothers me.
I get part of my problem; I used to feel that computers were one thing I could control. That stopped being true a long time ago as things changed rapidly, but I didn’t keep up with the changes. I used to program, but that field has changed so much I would have to start over to learn it. I used to know how to link computers, but networking evolved into systems that completely bypassed all the “mainframes” I used to know, and is almost totally based on small computer architecture. I have no idea how that works. I have a surface knowledge of components in my own home network, but subnet masks, various type of servers, and routing tables baffle me. I used to be on the cutting edge, but now I’m not.
So, now when Microsoft Word decides it can’t find my blog account with no reason given I’m frustrated. Why now after 3 months of working fine, and no changes either to my account or to the application? I do the same thing, but get different results. That has been my experience with computers lately.
Today, Chambers refers to the commonplace world in the valley below the mountaintop experience. In this place, the emotional experience gives way to a clamoring reality. Sure, I surrender to my Master all that goes into my day, and immediately run into a minor hiccup. Suddenly my own hidden supply of personal mastery is challenged and defeated. And just as suddenly I pitch the thin veneer of my submission into the dumpster as I rant about my loss of control over a precious area of my world.
So I don’t know as much as I would want about computers, so what? So I don’t get networking terms and concepts any more, so what? So I don’t have the time (or inclination, or money) to catch up with the industry, so what? Seriously, do I need such knowledge or skills? I know some who have skills in those areas I don’t, and they have to fiddle with stuff just like I do, they clearly don’t know it all. They may know a subnet mask from an Ethernet plug, but the run aground pretty quick as well when computers misbehave. Why do I expect that I shouldn’t have such problems? How dumb is that?
Why is my particular valley so close to the mountain? Do you know how really inconvenient that is for me; to test my emotional conviction right after the experience? It hasn’t even had a chance to gel yet, coagulate into faith, or whatever it does. Why does the shallowness of my devotion in an emotional experience have to be so quickly exposed by such a silly reality? Can’t it wait until I’m done blogging and well into my day?
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right: life in the valley. Well, I do love time with my Master, to see His creation, experience His presence, and be consumed by His Spirit. My failure comes on the way down into the real day-to-day application of that experience. I have to go back to what it means: You love me, You have my back, and I am at Your service. I can’t be much service on the mountaintop. Where did I put my work boots and gloves? Time for church!
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