The Fractured Reality of Sodom 3: Why Is It So Hard To Leave?

When morning dawned, the angels urged Lot, saying, "Up, take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away in the punishment of the city."  But he hesitated. So the men seized his hand and the hand of his wife and the hands of his two daughters, for the compassion of the LORD was upon him; and they brought him out, and put him outside the city.  When they had brought them outside, one said, "Escape for your life! Do not look behind you, and do not stay anywhere in the valley; escape to the mountains, or you will be swept away."  But Lot said to them, "Oh no, my lords!  Now behold, your servant has found favor in your sight, and you have magnified your lovingkindness, which you have shown me by saving my life; but I cannot escape to the mountains, for the disaster will overtake me and I will die; now behold, this town is near enough to flee to, and it is small. Please, let me escape there (is it not small?) that my life may be saved."  He said to him, "Behold, I grant you this request also, not to overthrow the town of which you have spoken.  Hurry, escape there, for I cannot do anything until you arrive there." Therefore the name of the town was called Zoar.  The sun had risen over the earth when Lot came to Zoar.  Then the LORD rained on Sodom and Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven, and He overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground.  But his wife, from behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. (Genesis 19:15-26 NASB)

Okay, so Lot knows who these guys are, they tell him they are here to destroy the city, and yet, he can't seem to get it together to leave.  Really?  A roving mob of nocturnal rapists makes up the most common past time of the place and yet Lot can't let the place go.  I find it difficult to understand why he's there in the first place.  I was hoping that he was hoping to share the influence of his God with them.  But his refusal to leave flies in the face of that.  If he truly believed in the power of God and truth of the coming destruction, I would hope his faith would impel him to get out of Dodge.

The text is alarmingly specific here.  Lot "hesitated".  The angels had to take he, his wife, and his two daughters by the hand and bring them out of Sodom.  They were told to run for the hills, but Lot then negotiates to make for a small town on the plain because the hills are too far.  The angel tells him that nothing will happen until he's safe, but he wants the town.  And God gives him that. 

The text is also specific that this is happening for Lot because of the compassion of God and his love of Abraham.  I would also include the patience of God.  These two angels put up with way more than they should have from Lot.  So strong was the love and compassion of God (in the midst of His wrath - don't miss the irony here) that He endured the failures of Lot as He saved he and his family. 

We are not told, and I find it really difficult to guess at the attraction of Sodom.  What was it that was so difficult to give up, especially given the description of the place?  On the other hand, I am not so far out of my own refuse pile of sin that I can't remember how difficult it is to release.  There are many things to which people give themselves that consume them and yet are difficult to let go.  I remember mine, and still, occasionally feel it's pull back.  So, while the text may not tell us what it was specifically with Sodom, I suspect that it had to do with all those things to which a person can loose themselves.  I suspect Lot had his, even though we may not be told what it was specifically.  It was as if all the addictions off humanity were located in those two cities.  That would explain such a fractured reality on an entire community.

I see the difficulties and the casualties of my own sin in my life.  I see here the description of Lot's (and his gets worse on in the chapter).  While I'm not told the specific sin, the consequences are described, and I can readily recognize the connections with my own life.  In fact, there are still things I find it difficult to give up, and I don't know why.  Perhaps I need to spend more time here letting the lesson of Lot sink in.  There is a message from my Master to my soul here: LET IT GO!

The life I live in this world, I should be living in relationship with my Master.  Only then is life truly eternal.  Isn't it another kind of fractured reality to endure something in my life that hinders this relationship?  Does it make any more sense for me to hold on to anything, sinful sounding or not, that impedes my walk with my Master, my availability to Him, my ability to hear Him, and therefore obey Him?  In these ways, am I not like Lot?  A little too much for my comfort.

If God Has My Back - Genesis 14

I'm not going to paste the entire chapter here, for thing I think it violates copyright laws.  But I encourage anyone reading this to first read that whole chapter before reading the rest of this.  A lot of this won't make sense without first being freshly familiar with this chapter.  I thought I was familiar with it enough, and yet still, working through it again brought new stuff.  Go read that first and then come back to this.

Welcome back...if you're honest anyway.  If not, go read the chapter.

The essence of this chapter is that kings (possibly including the famous king, Hammarabi) from the region of Mesopotamia (Iraq, possibly Syria), attacked the area on the East side of the Jordan River.  They got to nearly everyone in that region, including the cities along the valley floor (except for Jericho...which is really weird).  After defeating all those kingdoms, they meet the kings of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah (Edom), Zeboim (Gazelles), and Bela (Zoar) by the Dead Sea.

It's a rout, and every survivor of the Dead Sea region flees to the hills.  The victorious kings plunder the area, including Sodom, and take Lot and his stuff captive.  Not a lot of the battle is described, just the first part and the running away part.  The reason for the campaign in this region seems to be the rebellion of the Dead Sea Kings against the King of Elam with whom they had a covenant (one not in their favor).  When they didn't pay their tribute, they got away with it for a year, then the armies came from the east.

One of the survivors fleeing to the hills comes to Abram in Hebron.  Hearing what happened to Lot, he doesn't hesitate, but takes off with three of his friends and all the "tried" men of his household (318) and takes off after the four victorious kings.  All it says is that he catches up with them at Dan, divides his forces, attacks at night, and pursues them to North of Damascus.  Abram wins.  All the other kings and cities fail, but he, the nomad-sheep-and-cattle-herder, succeeds; and chases them half-way home.

This may seem rather incredible, it does to me.  He doesn't even hesitate, though.  It does not seem he had any doubt about what to do.  It was insurmountable, very foolish, and clearly hopeless, but he does it anyway.  It was as if, since family was involved, he willingly went to his doom out of family honor.  I sort of wonder if Sarai was thinking about how she might get back down to Egypt to see Pharaoh when Abram didn't return. 

I somehow doubt there was any doubt though.  I don't think there was any concern that they might not succeed, in spite of the success record of their enemies.  Abram was confident enough to bring his four new friends, brothers with whom he had an alliance.  And they were confident enough to go with him.  Where did this confidence come from?  Where do I get a dose of that?

Back in chapter 12, God promises Abram protection.  Abram has seen it at work in Egypt, and along the way as he traveled.  He may have known these kings from the region he was raised in and left not long ago.  And he knew his God.  In comparison, he saw there was really no comparison.  So, he had his relationship with his King and experience in that relationship. 

I have that experience.  I have seen my Master care for me in ways I couldn't imagine.  I have seen Him make ends meet that I didn't even know existed; connect dots I couldn't see to draw between.  Recently I have seen that my Master is Master over all the things I care about, and over all things I don't.  I am learning slowly to relinquish my desire to make happen what I believe needs to happen.  Instead, I simply need to do what I see He wants done.  He loves me, He has my back, and I am at His service.  I am free to serve, and to be used by Him to accomplish His purposes, or at least I should be.

But being that available requires me to constantly give up my causes, priorities, and my purposes.  That's hard for me.  It's hard in my family, in my job, and in my church.  I want to right wrongs, and fix peoples misconceptions, and build faith!  Not my job, that's my Master's job.  I may see a need or a lack, and my Master may be leading me to address it, but not to "fix" it.  He wants to use me to fix it.  I'm not the faith-mechanic, I'm the faith-wrench.  I don't get to choose one day to be a "wrench" and another an "impact wrench" or "hammer-drill".  Again, my Master chooses how to use me, and what for.  I still try to be some sort of dramatic hero, but that's not my role.  I'm scenery, set dressing, and props.  He is the Star, the Hero.

I was reminded this weekend that I'm not the one making happen what I see needs to happen.  I may see what needs to happen, but my role is not the doer, but one of the ones used to do it.  But I can't be used in that role if I keep trying to take control and be the one doing.  To be used, I have to let go of control.  I'm trying.  I'm struggling with it, but I'm trying.  Oh Master, please help me, and once again, be patient while I wrestle with my selfish ambition.  I will bring it to you captive, I will.  And I will try to hurry; there's work to be done, and You have a use for me I'm missing.

Allowing my Master to be my Advocate

In Psalm 123, in this Psalm of Ascents, the writer cries out to the Master for grace because of the excess of contempt they have experienced.  If it had a curse to call down on those who held the writer in contempt it would be an imprecatory psalm, but it’s really not.  It asks for grace from Yahweh rather than pain on those who hold the writer in contempt.  This is a psalm sung on the way up to Jerusalem to worship, a traveling song where the end of the journey is the worship of the Great King.  On the way, they sought grace.

When I am held in contempt, I want to fix it.  I want to explain myself because clearly they don’t understand.  Who could understand and hold me in contempt?  Please stop laughing, it feels like contempt, and you clearly don’t understand.  Of course that’s not the problem, at least not usually.  The most common time for me to experience this is when I’m explaining something absolutely no one cares about or is interested in.  I can’t tell you how often it happened in sermons.  I get all excited about something and go to explain it to the nearest human available.  Invariably I get these looks, like my sanity is in question.

The answer to such a problem is not more explanation.  I’m learning that now, slowly.  Instead, what I need is what the psalmist asked for, grace from Yahweh.  I need grace from my Master because I am focused on myself.  I need grace from my Master because whatever I learned came from Him anyway.  I need grace from my Master because I need to be willing to accept that I will be misunderstood (wasn’t Jesus?  Am I not supposed to be walking in His footsteps?  So, get over it!).  That willingness to accept being misunderstood requires a lot of grace, but it requires something else as well.

Part of the problem I’m trying to fix by over explaining myself is my acceptance by the other person.  I am trying to repair a breach formed between them and me.  The problem with my solution is that I want to fix the footing of the bridge within their boundaries, and it’s not mine to fix.  I want some modicum of control over the other persons’ will.  That is wrong on a very fundamental level.  That is why I need to go to my Master.  I need an adjustment at a fundamental level.  By focusing back on my Master several things are fixed at once.

Returning my focus to my Master builds gratitude into my response to whatever I learn.  I don’t take credit for it, but thank my Master for His revelation.  By going back to my Master, I permit Him to direct when, where, and to whom I share my new understanding.  And I accept that He may not permit it.  Accepting that this could be just for me is hard.  I feel like the village idiot, the only one who needs this lesson.  I may not be, but my Master asks me to rely on Him totally, whether I am or am not the village idiot.  I gain the humility necessary to be the village idiot for my Master’s sake, which is the only way I can have peace in my life.

I learn, and I hope to change in response to what I learn.  What I learn today from this Scripture is that when I receive contempt, I go to my Master, not into combat mode.  This is a spiritual discipline of relinquishment that gives up more of myself and receives more of my Master.  It helps me fade into the background scenery of the play of life, and let my Master take the center stage; where He belongs.  As John the Baptist said, I must decrease and He must increase.  I think of it as “spiritual camouflage”.  If you know me, you know I like camouflage.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 23