There are a couple of things in today’s entry that touched
an issue with me. But the one that reaches
deepest is the last one. He mentions not
making consistency in a conviction a fetish, rather be devoted to God. I think this relates to the limited
understanding I have of my Master and His plans. In other words, rather than get stuck on one
thing one way, allow that my Master may change what I’m doing and how. Chambers points out that Jesus appeared very
inconsistent. He doesn’t give examples,
but just in the way He never heals the same disease the same way twice it is
clear.
I have to really watch this weakness in myself. When once I experience success in something
my Master has led me, I want to experience the success over and over, so I try
performing the same thing the same way, hoping for the same result. If success depended on me, I would be able to
reproduce the success consistently. I
can’t. I never do. The success was never mine, it was always my
Master, and I can’t reproduce success by only reproducing my small
contribution. The same is true when I
try to reproduce the success of others in my own life. I can’t reproduce the work of my Master in
their success, so I can never reproduce the success.
What this means is that I am supposed to do what my Master
tells me the way He tells me to do it for as long as He gives it to me to
do. And then I’m supposed to move on to
a new task, when He tells me, do it like He tells me, for as long as He has me
doing it. I don’t like leaving one
success and diving into another “startup”.
I want to enjoy the “fruit” of my success, the adulation of my peers
(you know, just once would be nice), and feeling of pride in a job
well-done. The problem is that it’s not
my success, the praise belongs to my Master, and my pride is misplaced since I
should boast in my Master. Once again,
it’s not about me.
The death of me is the path into the life of my Master. This is one of those areas where there is too
much of me left, and more needs to go.
It’s subtle, and I often miss it.
I think that I am flexible, that I don’t want to reproduce the success
of others; but since I want the praise they received (jealousy?) I actually do
want exactly that. Such a realization slides
right by my spiritual sensors with the deodorant of self-righteousness. The resulting resentments and bitterness are
the clues to what really is going on and how it got that way.
It was a different way that my Master led me out here. It will be by a different path and method
that He leads me to anything I do while I’m here. The only consistency in the method will be my
submission and obedience. Beyond that, I
have no idea what or how I will be doing anything. Being comfortable with that will bring peace,
and I will only be able to be comfortable with that as I trust my Master. I must trust His timing, His design, and His
method. And then I need to continue to
trust Him all through until He moves me on to something else. Is it odd to say that this used to be easier? It feels odd.
Shouldn’t it be easier now?
No comments:
Post a Comment