"Do I stop sinning or have I stopped sinning?" What a bizarre question for me. Chambers description of what the "born again" life looks like or is evidenced by bothers me. My answer is "of course not." And the absurdity of it bothers me because he uses a book of the Christian Scriptures which has always bothered me as well. John's first letter gives me the impression that I'm not supposed to be sinning, but it also says, "If we say we have no sin we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us" (1 John 1:8). It is in John 3 that being born of God marks itself as living righteous. Sinning is the mark of not being born of God.
The obvious reason I don't like this passage is that, under an addiction, I sin regularly, persistently, and obviously. I fit into that description of "practices sin" and John says that this is evidence that I am not "born of God." I was not even addicted until after I accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord. So, that would make my entire life with my Master not really life at all. This is not easy to take, but I wonder if that is really what John was getting at. The purpose of the letter and the description of what he means by righteous living do not sound like my addiction or addiction at all.
It could be possible that John is writing about a specific group who were under the impression they could live and treat people as they liked, and still claim to be believers. I didn't do that. I did not claim that what I was addicted to was acceptable. I never switched it around to say it was actually a good thing. I never was comfortable when others just put it down to "male tendencies." It was and is sinful tendencies, selfish tendencies, and not acceptable to my Master in any form. But was it evidence that I was not a believer? That's where I'm stuck. I am freer from it now than I have been, but it is still seven months, not a year or more. I have not been a year in this place, this routine, or this set of seasons free from my addiction.
I just finished setting up an accountability camera in my office. I hope this helps. That means that I have no place to practice my addiction where my wife can't witness the evidence of it. This is great, but it does not guarantee that I won't act out. This is fine and all, but I still have that dangerous tendency. I still feel the addiction close by me. I haven't acted on it, and I haven't succumbed to it, not so far. But doesn't the fact that it is so close to the surface mean that I am, in a sense, still enslaved to it?
I don't know a comfortable answer to this dilemma. What I know is that my Master loves me, He has my back, and He calls me to be at His service. I know that His service includes waiting, worshipping, and walking about in His presence. That much I know. Today, I will live out what I know. For me, that will be righteousness for today. Tomorrow my Master may send me to Tanzania (or Hawaii, I offered that one), but today, that will be the righteousness of my Master in my life.
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