Things I Used Do Better, Like Faith.

Of all the things I've lost or forgotten over the years, the absolute confidence in my Master is probably the I miss the most. Although, I probably had it for the wrong reasons, and needed to have it crushed.

I lived under the impression that whatever I did was His will and He would back me up. But I also had confidence that I could do anything. It was an odd juxtaposition of opposite beliefs. Who did I really trust? Was I trusting my Master or my own ability with my Master as backup if I were wrong?

I prayed daily, read my Bible daily, and then lived my life as if that were all there was to it. I did the church & good Christian thing. I went to school and stayed out of trouble mostly. I hung out with friends and stayed out of trouble mostly. But were my decisions on what to do and who to do them with based on what my Master wanted or whatever I wanted?

Perhaps I have glamorized my past. But now I live with my faith more closely tied to my Master in the moment. It's just that I don't feel as confident. It's that confidence I miss. What I need is the confidence Jesus chided the disciples for not having in Matthew 8:26, and what Chambers says is characterized by rest.

The confidence in my Master that is demonstrated in true peace regardless of circumstances. I am headed there, especially shown in our transition out to Nevada. But now our circumstances are different and I need to demonstrate that faith now as well.

Surprise, surprise, I have more growing to do. Well, I'm sitting on a balcony overlooking the Oregon Coast with the waves rolling over dark rocks, fog close off shore, and I need a jacket. Rest here is easy. Monday will pick up where I left off Wednesday, and I need the same sense of peace and rest in my Master then.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": August 12th.

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