Walking on My Own With My Master

Only at a few times in my life have I had a spiritual leader. And each time they were available only for a season. I lament this, citing it as one of the most difficult aspects of my spiritual life.

Perhaps in some way this is part of my difficulty with "personality" ministries; the source of my prejudice. I don't trust leaders easily. This also makes it hard to find spiritual leader. They're there, my prejudice just makes finding them harder for me.

So with spiritual leadership, I need to learn another level of submission. Submission to spiritual leaders is submission to my Master, the One who placed them in the position. To not submit to them is to rebel against the choice of my Master.

The other obvious aspect for me is jealousy. I want my Master to choose me to lead. He won't, not yet anyway. I want it, and therefore for wrong reasons. One day I will accept it as part of my desire for my Master. Until then I will serve in lesser capacities.

I have considered the possibility that I already walk alone with my Master, and that is how He wants it. The problem with this is that as I learn more of submission to my Master, I see that it includes submission to spiritual leaders; to learn instead of teaching. Teaching is still too much me, and not enough of my Master. I have a bit more to learn first.

I am learning. Even as I write this I see this entry as my essay answer on my Masters exam. I am slowly getting His point. As I do, He speaks through others, I gain a fuller insight to His Scripture, and I see that I don't walk this life alone, but with friends and guides.

So today I will see what my Master has for me through someone I meet, and I will submit to the pastor He places me under. I will submit and not see myself as his equal. Pardon me as I change my paradigm. I'll be back in a bit.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": August 11th.

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