But I Don’t Wanna Do That Stupid Thing! I Don’t! I Don’t! I Don’t!

From what Chambers writes in this entry, I should not wonder about why my Master has brought my family out here to Nevada. Well I do. Not to meddle in it, but because I know without doubt that my Master has brought us out here. The rest of the entry is very helpful though. In fact yesterday I was talking with my wife about what was bothering me. I tried the "nothing" response, but I knew that wasn't right. So I began to talk about work. And a lot came out.

I am blessed to work from home. I clearly see that my Master has made that possible, so that I could move with a job. But there is an aspect of my job I don't like. When I call customers there is a requirement that I call so many per hour. The number works out to an average of one call every 3.75 minutes (3 minutes and 45 seconds). Each call requires the use of our new Customer Relationship Manager (I really like this one). The process goes from examining the account for other activities so I don't conflict with what other sales people are doing, examining their purchase history for needs analysis, and searching for the contact listed on my call sheet. Once a contact is found (and that is not a given due to the labyrinthine nature of our account/contact relationships – that's a long story which would make any database analyst weep), a call is logged which requires a form be filled in with information on the source, reason, and results of the call. And of course, the call needs to be made in there, and that includes dialing (I copy and paste to speed this up), waiting for the call to be picked up, speaking with the "gatekeeper", negotiating reaching the right person (not necessarily the one on the sheet), and either speaking with the person or leaving a message. All these things have to happen within an average of 3.75 minutes on each call, and that's if everything goes right. I'm struggling with my calls per hour.

That's my complaint, I feel the requirement is unreasonable, that my managers who used to do this job could no longer perform it with the work flow we have to use, and that no one is listening when I tell them that. The reality I deny with my attitude of self-righteousness is that I would more likely gain an audience if I didn't passive aggressively fail the calls per hour by a huge margin. 5 or 8 calls per hour will not impress them that I really know what I'm talking about.

The spiritual side of this is the clear implication from my Master that this is what He has called me to. It may not be all, but it is certainly part, and a large part. When I take that passive aggressive stance, I am not just rebelling against a flawed system; I am also, in my prideful idolization of my opinion about the system, rebelling against my Master. That is what I need to understand, accept, and the reason I need to swallow my pride and perspective. I need to "re-frame" as my wife puts it. I need a paradigm shift to my Master's paradigm. I won't understand His paradigm, nor will I be able to see it in its entirety. This is a definitive point of submission. And I need to submit.

One benefit of submission is that my boss will be happy, another is my wife will be happy (she likes it when I'm employed), and my relationship with my Master will be better. I will more closely resemble that servant of the King He calls me to be, and is transforming me into. I want that, but I don't want to get there this way. I am a resistant mustang, and I need to be broken before my Master. I am never really free and I need to serve a better Master. So, excuse me while I go do what I do as fast as I can. If you're reading this and you're an accountant, if I call you and talk really fast, please forgive me. I'm just trying to fit what I do into 3.75 minutes. Maybe if it turns out to be 4 or 5 I will gain some forgiveness. I will aim for 3.75 and leave the rest to my Master. I may need to do an afternoon entry just to be accountable with this specific thing.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, August 5