I do a lot of stuff in any given work day. I have quotas set by my company, and they break down by month, quarter, and year. But I found that the only way I can aim at success is to aim at something other than these quotas. The quotas cause me no end of stress, and wind up bankrupting my ability to perform. Instead, I have found that aiming at my Master works a lot better for me. The Christian Scriptures and Hebrew Scriptures agree, I am supposed to work hard for those in authority over me. That takes care of the work ethic at work, or it should.
The downside of aiming at my Master, or aiming at submitting to Him at work, is that work is one of those environments so conducive to my people-pleasing problem. The struggle for me is to avoid focus on the expectations of my manager and focus on the expectations of my Master. The one brings peace and the other distress. This past year has been a long series of lessons on this paradigm shift. I'm not there entirely, and when I am lonely (like when my wife scrambles to be with her ailing aunt for however long) is when I wrestle the most with lapsing back into the old paradigm. It's not her fault, I figured out yesterday why I do that.
I am a lazy male chauvinist. I didn't think so, and have tried to not be such a husband, but I discovered that about myself yesterday. At some deep core level, I am resentful that my wife leaves to take care of others (work, family, whatever) and isn't here to take care of me. Yep, it's that ridiculous. When that popped into focus yesterday I about fell out of my chair (which at that time was one of those exercise balls, and so much more likely to dump me on the floor). I couldn't believe it, but I went back over my inventory of feelings, traced them back to reasoning threads, traced those back to goals and expectations, and found a fool.
So deep down inside is this foolish lazy bones who wants to be served. That guy has to die. So, I need a spiritual discipline to kill him, and make myself more available to my Master. I think for the next few days I have a plan of action. I have been trying to get to a nursery to get fertilizer to start two patches of grass. The place locked up almost 40 minutes early yesterday so I couldn't get it. Ok, I need to get the grass seed at Lowes anyway, I am going to get the bags of fertilizer there too, and get this thing done. I need edging and tent pegs too. Then I need to get off my lazy bottom and get it done.
That's one project. I need to find others. I want to work this lazy self-indulgent pig within to death. Did you catch that? "I want…" Yep, I have inadvertently found a replacement for focus on my Master. Being ashamed of such an element to my character is good, and wanting to change is also good. But nothing should distract me from following my Master. The problem was not that my "inner couch potato" exists, but that he has influence over me. Instead, I need to switch back to my Master's influence, and while yard work will help, it's not what I do to accomplish inner purity, but what my Master does. I'm along for the ride.
So what happens may look the same, but the process within and without will be different. I will honor my Master and my wife by following the obvious course of action to work on this project. It is my Master's will clearly stated in Scripture that I have dominion over His creation. This is a charge from the beginning in Genesis, and it includes being responsible for that "patch of land" my Master has provided. It is mine to manage on His behalf. So, hauling poop and scattering seed are things I do as part of my calling from my Master. I do them as His steward, not as "lord of the manor". I need a reframe this day. "Will work for Jesus…"
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