The site for MUFHH is back online. What a relief? Not really. Now I am questioning the entire work of this blog. Today, using the passage in 1 Peter 2:9 (royal priesthood and so on), Chambers says I am to forget about praying and focusing on my own change, and focus on priestly prayer for others. So, does that nullify all that I have written over the past six months on this blog?
This blog has ever been about God’s work in my life. It has been about where He is changing me, and what I see I need to change. It has never been about what others should do. I write to hold myself accountable to a wider group, not to propagate change in others. That sounds self-centered, but I believe that my Master is working out the change in me, and will do so in others. It’s not my job to change others. Perhaps these entries will influence others.
But writing for me, writing about what I am going through, and writing daily may be overly self-focused. What about the work of intercessory prayer for others? After all, the passage referring to believers as a royal priesthood is about going before my Master on behalf of others. This is a lot of work and time to spend on myself. So, is it right to spend so liberally on myself?
I really do not have a lot of feedback on any effect this is having on others. And from the beginning I said that this is not about the effect it has on others. From the outset this has been about being accountable with the work of my Master in my own life. And there has been a lot of change in my own life. I am not the same person I was at the end of 2010. I have a long way to go, just for 12 months of sobriety. And I have a lot to pass through to get there. But I have come so far, and I am humbled, and confused.
Why has it taken so long? Why, after wrestling with my addictive sin for over 20 years, am I only now finding freedom from it? The only real difference is my posture of submission. I have tried to submit before, but had a mental block or wall. I am not sure what it was other than depression. I seemed drawn to depression as a default response to most of life.
Once I have moved, I plan to jump into another 12-step program I have found where I am going. It is one I am familiar with already, and really like. Not every place does the program the same, and I prefer when it is done according to the program guidelines. So I am a bit concerned about how they do it, but since I have no way of knowing, there is no sense in worrying about it. That it is available is remarkable enough.
Perhaps that program will be enough of an outlet that this blog will no longer be necessary. I would miss the discipline. But I need to be open to my Master’s leading and guiding. This discipline can be replaced by another. But I also sense I would miss this blog on a relational level as well. It is as if I am writing to someone, even if no one reads this.
Maybe this blog will continue, but rather than meanderings from MUFHH, I will meander from another source, and toward another goal. Perhaps I will begin to write for others, not necessarily to others, but on their behalf, fulfilling the role of royal priest in that way. There is certainly a lot for which to pray, the world is filled with need. In fact, much of the hurt and pain in this world is caused by excessive degrees of the addiction I suffer. I have some specific insight into an area of human need I know too much about. Perhaps that will be what this blog will morph into.
In any case, and to whatever degree, the important thing is not to jump into or out of something unless I am following my Master. It is not what I or others think of the actions I take, but whether those actions I take are guided and directed by my Master, driven by obedient devotion to Him. Obedience is better than sacrifice, especially in ministering, and even more so in spiritual disciplines. I cannot allow this blog to become about this blog, it must always be an expression of my Master’s will. I believe that to date, He has been glorified, and not so much me. This is a season of change in my life, and so this blog may change too. But as I have followed my Master through this change, I must continue to follow Him; even regarding this blog.
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