Since Chambers' revisits this idea, so will I. I find that I am still uncomfortable determining what is my responsibility and what is my Masters'. Having been in 12-Steps for so long, it was ingrained in me that I am powerless. I think I used that as an excuse. I am powerless over my addictions and compulsive behaviors, but to what extent am I still responsible? I want to avoid two things when I figure out where this line is drawn. First, I want to avoid taking credit for what my Master has done. Second, I want to take responsibility for where that is appropriate.
I am still plagued by my addiction, but it has far less power and energy than it used to have. I started the behaviors which became the compulsion in the first place, and continued them into an addictive cycle. I did that, and that is my responsibility. I was overwhelmed by this compulsion, and no longer had the ability to find my own way out, I needed help. I found help in my Master, but two things had to happen. First I had to address some issues within myself, the most powerful of which was submission. That had to happen on a lot of levels, and it took years. Second, I had to rely on others, and listen to them. This help came from some in my recovery group who really did keep me accountable, two in particular (one guy was blessedly annoying about it).
The path to submission was paved with lots of failure, failure on my part. One of the areas I had to submit was the one where I had to admit I have a physiological problem with depression. I thought once I could take some medicine and, once out of the hole, stop. I can't. My normal, default response to life is depression. Perhaps it wasn't always this way, but looking back over my adult life, I believe it has been. And I believe that, for me, it has been a physiological problem, not merely a psychological one. Addressing that issue enabled a lot of the other work in recovery to finally take hold. The submission to my Master finally began to gain strength, and the effect of my brothers and sisters in recovery began to increase.
So, my responsibility is to keep current with my resentments, my mistakes, and my slips. My responsibility is to maintain my submission to my Master. I believe this is a large part of the "remain" idea which Jesus commands in John 15. Remain in Him and He in me, for apart from Him I die. Remaining for me is submitting to Him, and agreeing with Him about who I am and what my weaknesses are. There is much I still need to learn, and much I still need to submit to Him. I have areas of my life of which I'm not even aware yet. I keep stumbling over them like furniture in a dark room (I think He keeps moving them, hoping I'll finally notice them by tripping often enough).
Today, my task is to relax into the care and provision of my Master. That sounds easy, but means I have to give up having details clear before I move. It means that I will have to be willing to be led bind into my near future. Well, as long as my Master guides me around that stupid furniture I keep tripping over, I guess I will let Him lead me blind. (CRASH!) Dang it! I'm alright, I'm alright! He led me right into that table, I'm sure of it! I guess I can do without that one too.
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