The entries of Oswald Chambers in MUFHH are helpful in sparking my thinking, every time I read them. But there are ones, like today's, which "spark" me to say, "huh?" I don't see the connection between his point and the Scripture at hand. I see his point, and sure, it's true. But the passage chosen could not have been the one he preached this from. It makes no sense if he did. The two disciples who are two of three "characters" in the story of John 1:38-39 stay with Jesus until the very end. So, why make a point about only staying with Jesus for a day?
So I'm left with a passage that speaks to me of being willing to discover my Master and learn about Him at His pace. And the point Chambers makes about staying with my Master always, not just sometimes. I agree that I should stay with my Master always. I also agree that I should simply follow Him and let Him determine the speed with which He reveals Himself to me. I think that I have been doing both, and I don't say that from a prideful stance. I am not perfect in my devotion to my Master. Any number of entries reveals that. But I have grown tremendously in my devotion. That is also revealed in these entries.
My point is that I believe that I am "dwelling" with my Master daily. I believe His name for me is fairly solid, in fact more solid now than it has been at almost any other time in my past. Yet today, my emotions are in turmoil. I am frustrated with my dogs. I am frustrated that I didn't remember to get coffee yesterday (for some of you, you will be fairly shocked at that). I am still harboring resentment, but I'm not sure why, toward whom (I suspect the dumb dog), or why I can't give it up. I prayed earlier to let it go, but I still feel its presence. What needs to happen is that I need to release it to receive my Master's peace. I am probably still frustrated with the support people at work. They are not being very helpful, and I have no one else to rely on. Ok, that is probably more on the mark than the dog, maybe.
So, yes I do abide with my Master more now than in the past, yet I still run into these resentments. I still sense the problem of my pride occasionally. And I see it more now, since I am fairly pleased with my progress lately. Yet, isn't it really progress in being available, rather than progress in accomplishing the provision I see? What pride is there to be derived in being more submissive and dependent? Silly man that I am, will I derive pride from the provision of my needs by another? Why would I do that? It's like taking credit for the work of the Master of the Universe; actually I should ditch the "like". It is taking credit. What provision do I see that I had anything to do with? Not my job, not my wife's job, not the house, not the quick sale of our house here, not the financial situation resulting from the house sale here. None of it had anything to do with me. So, what's the deal?
The deal is that things are going well for me, and so my happiness runs high right now. But so does my focus on those things going so well. I am focusing on the blessing, not the One blessing me. I am experiencing the blessing of my Master in most dramatic ways, and it feels good. But I must bear in mind that it has little to do with me. I haven't earned it, regardless of how much progress I have seen in my spiritual walk lately. That progress should enable me to focus more on my Master through the blessings, not be distracted by them.
Even the progress isn't mine to claim, but rather mine to experience and witness. Again, the work of my Master is responsible for the progress. My efforts could not effect change in my behavior over the last 20 years. So, what's the deal about now? It can't be me. I see some things I have done for my emotional and physical health, but even the results there have required submission to my Master. They have not succeeded because of me. I did some simple things, but the results of those things are only explicable in terms of my Master.
So, what I am left with is that I do dwell more with my Master, but I still have a lot of dwelling left to do. I still wander far from that dwelling, and still wander into problems. I have pride issues that I need to submit to my Master. That is how the successes lately have come about, and that is how any victory over pride will come about. Confession of the ridiculousness of my pride is helpful, and anyone reading this, holding me accountable to it also helps.
Today is Sunday, so worship will help. I will obediently worship while I wait for those who work on my behalf, knowing that my Master is the One directing the details anyway. I will worship in faith and trust, and sing and pray in faith and trust. I will do these things to make myself more available to my Master. And I will be a better husband and parent. I hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment