A Funny Time to Fear

Somewhat toward the end of the entry for today, Chambers makes this statement, "…it is better to enter into life maimed and lovely in God's sight than to be lovely in man's sight and lame in God's." That is his summary of Matthew 5:30. I agree. The way he unpacks this is to point out that the "hand" might be different for anyone, but present for every "saint". So, all saints have something of theirs that hinders or distracts from their relationship with their Master. It may be something different for each believer, but there is always something.

I guess the trick for me is to find that thing or things of mine, to which I am ordinarily entitled, but which hinder my relationship with my Master. The one I am struggling with today kept me awake last night. It goes like this: After all my Master has done in confirming this move; having taken care of all the details so far; I now doubt and worry about some details which did not occur to me before I left. Now I'm tired because I only got about 5 hours sleep. I have a sinus headache. And I'm scared. I feel it and I'm really not used to it. I haven't felt fear most of the way through this, but now I sense it. It's that thing in the picture that does not belong.

I know that my Master has me in sight. He loves me. He has my back. And I am at His service. I am not my own even though I deserve to be abandoned. I was bought with a price I could not begin put up myself. Why would my Master do that? He does that because He views His human creatures as worth His own unimaginable suffering. He chose to see me and my fellow human creatures this way, this view was not earned. He is in love with His creation. But this love transcends the self-inflicted failures and frailties of these creatures. He sees me among the throng and among the throng, speaks to me; leads me out of Texas and into Nevada, prepares jobs already, and prepares a house already. Out of the throng He saw me, again, not because I earned it.

So why would I fear? Perhaps it's because it's my birthday (just kidding, I just wanted to slip that in there). Perhaps now that we are on the last leg of the journey, the unknown is looming more and looking more ominous. But still, it makes no sense, not in the context of what has already happened. I believe this is one of many "hands" that need to be cut off so my relationship to my Master does not suffer. Hmm…I'm thinking an axe. Anyone have an axe I can borrow?

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, June 29 (my birthday)