In some ways I am an “adrenaline junky”, and probably most males fit this moniker to some degree. I am careful in most things, so it is in my alter ego, or fantasy life that I live this trait. Sometimes on my way to work, I’m living out a chase scene in heavy traffic (no I don’t, but I think about it). So, I do like it when my Master calls me to the great and wonderfully obviously difficult things. I like a challenge.
But as Chambers asks today, am I still listening to the truths my Master says about His love for me when the excitement has faded to a daily routine? He uses the promise from my Master in Hebrews 13:5, where the writer is wrapping up the letter by urging the believers to be of good character. He supports the call to generosity and contentment with possessions with the quote, “For I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
What I derive from this passage and from Chambers’ development of it is that I am to be content rather than grasping. To be grasping is to take control of the provision for my family and myself, and become my own power-hungry god. What starts as a good desire to provide for my family takes over my ambition fueled by my selfishness and self-centeredness.
When my senior supervisor spoke of my working remotely as if it were a sure thing, instead of relaxing in the provision my Master was clearly making, I worried about the details. What a stupid thing to do. What can I do to affect any change or detail? If the people involved can’t come to a consensus within one conversation before I leave, is that really my problem? What will I have lost that I already have? I have already renounced my job, and have been ready to move without it. Clearly if my Master can demonstrate that my superiors want me to continue, He can also provide another set of superiors in my new home. In fact, their desire to continue to use me means shows me that He is truly interested in this area of my life.
I still wonder at the details; mostly because I don’t know how the technical stuff I use every day really works. But there is also the fear of “what if they don’t get this ironed out before I leave?” Well, what if they don’t? Do I think that, after providing so far, initiating this process, my Master has lost control of the situation? Really? Of course, when posed that way, I don’t believe that. Yet, when my pulse quickens, and my brows furrow just thinking about what will happen between now and June 24, faith is not what’s coursing through my soul. And therefore, neither is peace.
But I know the peace I want. I have felt the serenity of trust in my Master, even having decided to go without a job. So I know what I should be feeling. And I miss that feeling. What is true, from here until I die, is that my Master loves me, He has my back, and I am at His service. The first two truths enable my availability for the third. I am not at His service if I’m distracted by what I cannot control or know. I hate not knowing. But I don’t know, and I really have no way to find out what I need to know.
So, even with the clear provision developing, I must still wait, worship, and walk before my Master. Sure I can see the end of this phase of my life ending, and the beginning of another is immanent. Yet, I am not quite finished here, and my Master calls me to finish well. I have a job to do, customers to service, and a team to support. He has my back, now it’s time to roll up my sleeves and get busy.
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