Where Am I Going Today?

So, I know that I'm packing up and moving 4 states away, but where am I going today?  That move is later and is large enough to take up all my available view.  But today, I have to go somewhere as well.  I have to go somewhere emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  I have to.  I will go somewhere, but where do I intend to go?

As I got up this morning I started by speaking with my Master, and discovered something.  I have been neglecting to search out those pieces of my self made up of "shortcomings" and "character defects".  The entries in this blog lately have put me in the light of being some sort of "good person" or something.  It didn't even feel right doing it, but I couldn't figure out why.  I think I know now.

I have been struggling with my pre-teen daughter.  The struggle has centered around her attitude and disrespect toward my wife and I.  OK, stop laughing, I'm serious.  Obvious you say?  Well, not to me.  I have one kid and no practice kids, she's it.  What my Master led me to today is that I am not responding to her as He responds to me. 

In one sense I am being that servant in Matthew 18 who would not forgive a small debt after being forgiven an enormous one.  In another sense I not creating a safe place for her to learn, nor being the teacher/coach she needs to learn from.  She doesn't want to hurt us, but she is hurt, so she strikes out at us.  I am offended and respond in my best, "HOW DARE SHE..." parental drama-king over reaction.  She "dares" because that sort of thing works, and because it is the most effective way she knows to communicate her pain.

What do I mean when I say, "it works"?  I mean that when I respond to her attitude instead of her words, or respond to her argument about a given task, I give it credibility it does not deserve.  Ironically, my dad taught me for years that to let my brother get me mad was giving him power over me.  I hated that lesson, and became increasingly frustrated because now I was mad at what my brother did (whatever that was, I can't even remember), and then added frustration at being frustrated with him and giving him power!  And now, years later, I am still that same moron.

So what is the alternative?  Let me examine my life with my Master.  When I am disrespectful and rebellious, was I dismissed and did my Master become angry with me?  Did I incur the wrath of the Almighty?  Well, no.  I did suffer some consequences, but I also am well aware that I was protected from much of those consequences.  The way my Master deals with me is very gentle, and very aware of my frail form and nature.  I am not this way with my daughter, but I see that I should be. 

If I am truly a mature adult, why can't I let her barrage of attitude roll off my back?  Why is it so offensive?  Am I not partly to blame for it being such an effective tool for her?  Yes, by the way, the answer to that question is yes.  My role now is to be one to help her out of the use of that tool.  And I can help her, but I can't force her or make her stop using it.  I can make it uncomfortable for her to use it.

One way, and perhaps the most important way I can help her stop using that "method" with my wife and is to rob it of its power.  I do two things that energize that behavior in her.  First I react to it, and that gives it credibility.  Second, and probably the worst thing, is I reflect that attitude back at her, or use it myself with her.  That is crazy behavior for a parent!  Why would I do the very thing I am trying to get her to stop doing?  Yeah, Hello!  I told you I am partly to blame for this problem she has.

So I need to grow up.  And I need to love my daughter the way my Master loves me.  I start my prayers with, "You love me, You have my back, and I am at Your service."  I do that because my Master has made it safe for me to do that.  I need to make it safe for my daughter to think that way about me.  That attitude will help her deal with all legitimate authority in her life (not those words exactly, but the attitude itself).

So, today, I will come to my Master for refreshing (Matthew 11:28).  I will follow His lead as an apprentice follows the lead of his mentor.  I will seek to submit to my Master in the area of my love and response (respect) toward my daughter.  My sin of immaturity and hypocrisy will only leave me as I come to my Master.  Step 6, become ready to have God remove all my shortcomings.  Step 7, humbly ask Him to remove my character defects.  I can't do it myself, I must come to my Master.  What a day ahead.  I'll let you know how it went... if I remember to rehash it tomorrow.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, June 11