I am looking forward to being in our new home, and doing my job from home. And while am honored and humbled to be allowed to venture into this new territory for my team, I am also concerned on a few points. The primary one is close to what Chambers focuses on in this entry. In 2 Peter 1, Chambers revisits the challenge to remain faithfully focused on my Master in the "drudgery" of common, everyday life. I know already that is one of my weak points.
One of the problems I will face in this new position is my isolation from the rest of my team. Right now, I can swivel in my chair and talk to any of several people about mundane things of life, work, or the world at large or in miniature. Those days are rapidly coming to a close. I do not do well in isolation. I am in a real sense exchanging a cubicle-environment for a room by myself. In some sense it will be like an office. I expect I will have a window. I will be in my home, so I have additional activities, but I will still be in an inbound call queue, which limits my distance from the phone. I can't roam around the house with a wireless headset (Or can I? Perhaps I can ask for one).
Even so, I will have very limited communication with my team. And honestly, the questions and interactions (including eavesdropping) with my team formed much of the catalyst to my learning in this job. Now I am credited with knowing a lot about it, and I do. But the reason I know what I know is not because the customer asked as often as it is because someone on my team asked. So, now what will form the catalyst of my learning? Routine in many ways is a very effective management tool for me. On the other hand, boredom is my typical response to things I do not want to do, which are often grounded in shame for not doing them well. So, from elements of my job I do not do well I derive a feeling of shame (wrongly, but I still do). To this shame I respond with boredom (actually a strong aversion). It is my response to this boredom (and actually the shame) that has been my undoing in the past. This is where the addictive behaviors carried out at work have been so common.
Now, at this point two things are different in my life. First of all, I have been consistently on anti-depressants which have helped normalize my brain chemistry. In that improved state, I have been able to make myself more available to my Master. That is different. In the past, I have been plagued by depression without even recognizing it until it reached a critical point. In the midst of this depression I tried to function within my faith, but found I was not capable of operating with that handicap. Part of my submission to my Master has been to accept that I need something to help counter my brain physiology. In other words, I need help, and am dependent upon something.
Being dependent upon something is a personal weakness which Paul might refer to as a "messenger of Satan", a "thorn in the flesh" perhaps. I would say that it is my "cross to bear" but I really dislike applying that to something so petty. In a sense, though, it is my cross to bear. This dependence upon an anti-depressant is a point of submission to my Master. It is not that expensive in either time or money, so it's not much of a sacrifice of anything but pride. So, it could only be called a "cross" in the submission sense.
So, perhaps this time around, at this point in my life, I am more ready for mundane routine isolation than I have ever been before. Perhaps now, as Chambers points out, I am ready to experience the "omnipotent power of the grace of God" found in the "tiniest detail of which I obey." Perhaps now I will find that "the whole superb grace of God is mine through the Atonement" from my simple obedience in the midst of daily isolated routine in my home office. Not where I expected to find my Master's grace, but when has my Master ever been where I expected to find Him?
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