For today, I am back at my usual computer. And today, I am with Chambers less than the other three days. Today, using Luke 21:19, he makes a point that I have a lot of responsibility to build my Christian life. His reference to discipline is almost lost in the discussion that I may be lazy or ignorant of how much I am capable of doing.
As I have mentioned, I am of the 12-Step crowd, and the idea that I am powerless, and what that means runs deep through my soul. The discipline part is where I agree, and would say that there may be some believers who never develop disciplines. I would say that most develop something, even if the discipline is not consistent for years at a time. But I would also say many develop disciplines for their entire lives.
To be fair, I have had common spiritual disciplines most of my life, and still followed compulsive sinful paths, even in the same day the disciplines were practiced. As Richard Foster has said, spiritual disciplines do not make me more holy or more spiritual, they make me more available to my Master. Availability is made up of more than Bible reading and prayer. Or it may be better to say that Bible reading and prayer are not the processes which make me more available. There needs to be a mental shift, or focus or something that must pervade these disciplines. It is not enough to go through the motions and see effective change. They are not magical elements, they are acts of submission; or should be.
My struggle amongst them had more to do with an underlying fear and depression than with the habit itself. I have been afraid of rejection, discovery and transparency, and feared that I have not been accepted by my Master. I have struggled with depression for most of my adult life (as it turns out the symptoms have been very common in my life). So, there were some underlying issues of submission (not taking Scripture at face value and seeing God from that perspective for instance), and psychological problems which kept me from effectively being available to my Master, even though I practiced some spiritual disciplines.
I do agree that spiritual disciplines are important. For me, this blog is one which has been invaluable in my growth recently. I also believe that honestly addressing my depression with anti-depressants has helped. Working with my 12-step sponsor, and getting psychological therapy, has helped tremendously. Loosing weight didn’t hurt either, but it was not initially a spiritual discipline, and didn’t initially help. It has been keeping it off that has become helpful. Or perhaps these other things have helped keep it off. But in either case, I am different from who I was this time last year. I am different just over the last 6 months. And that difference has several things at its base all of which are elements of submission to my Master.
So, in all change I have enjoyed, all disciplines which I now follow, and all the success I now have is due to my Master. Once I began to submit, then Chambers’ entry becomes accessible. I had to settle that issue first. Even now I struggle with that issue, and truly letting my Master be Master of my life is a slower process than I like. But I am further along, and I see progress. I am encouraged to go further. And so I go. The disciplines will keep me submissive and available. My determination to take another step toward my Master will increase that availability.
Today I have a day off from my work I have been doing the last four days. I will enjoy the day with my family, and I suspect I will have ample opportunities to submit to my Master. Hopefully, at the end of the day, I will be able to say that I am more submissive and more available to Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment