In Luke 14:28, Jesus tells those around him that the cost of discipleship should be counted first. Chambers says that the cost is that cost Jesus counted in 30 years of life, 3 years of ministry, scandal and suffering on the cross. He then proceeds to explain that this discipleship is open only to those in whom Jesus has done everything. That is the statement where he looses me.
When Jesus is speaking of discipleship He leads up to His statement to count the cost with statements that unless someone hate his (list family members here) that they cannot be His disciple, and then that they must take up their cross daily and follow Him. The problem I have is probably with the archaic wording, but still, I’m not sure how someone who loves Jesus so much that all other relationships would be as hate compared is an implication that Jesus has done everything in them. Does he mean that Jesus finished everything in them? I thought that happened in heaven. Or does Chambers mean that whatever has gotten these to that point of devotion has been done by Jesus. I think that is what he means, but then my question is, “Does that mean that first I am saved, and then, later on, after I have achieved some level of spiritual maturity, become a disciple?”
I suspect rather that Jesus uses me as a disciple with effects limited to the level of devotion He has led me into. The reason I say this is because in the context of Jesus’ statement, He already has disciples present, and I don’t think they are at this level He describes, and are probably shocked to hear Him say it. He says these things in response to all these people wanting to follow but because He is the next big thing, not because they have any real devotion to Him specifically. He is the flavor of the day, at least until he mentions something about taking up a cross. That sort of ruins the moment for them.
On the other hand, Jesus does say to count the cost of hating family and carrying crosses before volunteering for discipleship. Regardless of what the disciples present thought of that statement, Jesus said it. Sure the disciples had left homes, families, and so on to follow Jesus, and it was not a great money-making enterprise. Did that qualify them? Was that level of commitment congruent with what Jesus meant when He said hate your family compared to how much you love me? If so, it makes this level of devotion a lot easier for me to envision. In fact, it’s not until Jesus rises from the dead that these guys go off the map devotionally, at least in my estimation.
Jesus wants all of me. He wants me to be totally committed to Him. I confess that I am not there yet. He is leading me into deeper water with Himself, and I love it and am scared by it. I want what I think would be great, but also have seen enough to know that what He wants is better. When we moved out here I had to release all my fears and stress into Him, and commit the care of my family’s financial and health care into His hands before He provided a job. We had moved anyway. We came out here with no job and little in the way of provision for the house we had bought, the mortgage we had, and the monthly medical needs we already had. I would think that the level of devotion we demonstrated qualifies us for this description of discipleship. Yet, my sinful patterns were still present. I still struggled with things that nearly wrecked my job, my marriage, and any opportunities I may have with ministry. My quandary is how I can be devoted enough to move lock, stock, and barrel to another state, and yet fail so miserably in my obsessions and habitual sins.
So here we are again. We pack the truck on June 25, again, lock, stock, and barrel. We have no house, no job, and no real tangible prospects. I am hoping for something I do not yet see at work, yet do not really know if the hope comes from my Master. My in-laws are looking about for a house for us, but are still in the process. There are loose ends to this move that should terrify me, but don’t. Sure I feel some stress, but it is minor. I am ready to go even without my hope fulfilled at work. I am ready to go, even to live with my in-laws for a time until another living circumstance can be found.
But I know that my patterns are not yet dead. I know that the well-worn paths I have developed over so many years, I still have to purposely avoid. The evil senseless passions are not so deep they are powerless. I sense the thought flit through my mind at times. And while they are not strong, every once in a while they make a determined assault and I feel the compulsion surge up within me. I praise my Master that He has been with me through them, close enough that I reached for Him as I should. I was reminded that I am loved, protected, but that I am also at His service. These things have protected my heart and mind, yet even so, not perfectly. I have dabbled before I was able to shake my mind loose. I have sat in a trance with the swirling desires in my mind, trying to keep them from my hands, seeking to reach out to my Master within the struggle. So far I have experienced victory. But I know that through this adventure the times will come when I am weak, when my hopes and fears collide, when I am challenged by family to make something happen. What sort of disciple will I be then?
So, I am partially there as a disciple, and my Master has “done” a lot in me, yet not everything He intends (at least I hope not). I believe that, at the level the disciples who were present when He made the statement of cost, I am a disciple, and that my Master has drawn me into that level of service. I believe that I have been given a title of Servant to the King, and I am at His service. I know the next few months will be a test of my devotion, and I believe that my Master has prepared me. I will show whether I am a Knight of His Realm or a knave. But I also know that I am loved regardless. I know that my Master has my back, regardless of who assaults me. I know that I am at His service before even before service to my family. That is a lot to know, and knowledge has a level of responsibility which goes with it. Keep reading. Let’s see if it’s true or not.
Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 7th.
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