The entry in MUFHH today again forces me to consider what it is I do with this blog. The challenge from Chambers this morning is to not allow a habit to become the point. When writing this blog becomes the point rather than the work of my Master through this expression, then it needs to end. Or at least it should fade behind my desire to reach out and be available to my Master.
The point of this blog, as I have said from the beginning and at various points throughout, is to be accountable for my spiritual walk with my Master. It’s never been for the readers, but for my own spiritual development before my Master. For too long in my life, I have tried to make my walk with my Master my own business. But I struggle with an addiction, and addictions thrive in secret. Private life with God is not a luxury I can afford. Failure to be transparent with my life will enable my old sinful desires to once again hold sway over me. So, that is the point.
This blog has become something I am almost obsessive about, posting from my phone when I can’t get it finished at home. While camping, while traveling, and when events rearrange my routines, I still make time to make an entry. It has become the thing I will do each day. Does that mean that it has supplanted my desire for time with my Master? I don’t think so for one reason. It is because of these entries that I seek my Master throughout the day. They form the framework of what we discuss, how I move through the day listening for His voice or prompting. What I mean is that, without these entries, I do not think I could focus enough on my Master to truly be open to His Spirit and work.
The discipline of processing the entries in this devotional, processing the verses of Scripture, and processing my day or sins, ties together important elements I have not tied together before. I have read devotional entries, and have shrugged my shoulders and turned to a distracted prayer time. I have read a Scripture, translated it from Hebrew or Greek, and then turned from it to an unfruitful time of focus on my Master. Sometimes I was able to focus better than others, but at no time have I experienced this amount of focused time on my Master and His work in my life.
I do feel a bit strange and self-centered to be daily producing a document open to anyone, yet not for them. I feel like I am being selfish to ask people to read these entries, when the point is for my benefit, not theirs. But I have to accept that I need help. I need people to read these entries, comments are helpful, because they remind me that I am no longer a secretive follower of my Master. I am accountable to the world via the internet. What mistakes I make, I own, publically. This blog will more than likely forever disqualify me from politics (I consider that an added bonus). It is possible that this blog will forever disqualify me from ministry, at least vocational ministry (another added bonus?). I don’t do it to impress and I do not do it to preach to others or prescribe a manner of life. And that is decidedly different for me. I naturally teach, and this is not a lesson for anyone but me.
Now, having said the focus is on my spiritual development, I do hope that my Master will use these entries to help others. It is a hope, and I infer from some comments I have read that it has helped some. That is a great byproduct of what I do each morning. But the sheer length of these entries, and that they are daily, mean that few humans have the time, let alone the stamina, to wade through them on too regular a basis. After a few days, I’m sure it gets to be a bit much. I’m sure some of them are so convoluted that they become hard to follow. Some are so philosophical that many probably loose interest. If they were for others I would have stopped long ago because truly I have not had many comments. If I lived for the feedback this effort would have died of starvation months ago.
So, if you read this, the day it was written, or months or years down the road, you see where my Master has led me so far. You will see where I am in my walk with Him on this date. And if that helps you in your own walk with the Master I am twice blessed. And if it obscures or complicates your walk… please read something else (MUFHH for instance). I will not and cannot apologize for what this blog is. I have experienced so much growth from this discipline that I do not know how to describe it. It’s not that this blog has grown me, but rather help plow the ground of my own spirit so the Spirit of my Master can plant, cultivate, and cause growth in my life. Breaking up the ground of my interior life is not always easy, rather usually painful. But it is a good pain. Thanks for reading.
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