I once said that faith enables me to get into heaven, but love enables me to bring friends. As I look at my life, I don’t see much of that love. There is too much resentment and fear for love, way too much of the time. I am improving, but I still struggle with keeping in mind how much my Master loves me. When I’m in traffic, I am resentful of the other drivers who are in front of me, and choose to go slow. When at work, I am resentful of customers who know me and call me for help, but spend their money with my teammates. I have no right to resent anyone, not even my dogs.
Resentment in me stems from me, selfishness, self-centeredness, but mostly loss of focus. Most of the time I resent, it is because I have lost focus on my Master and His voice. When I focus on traffic, on getting to my destination as quickly as possible (within limits) I loose focus on my Master. When I focus on making money (though yes, I am paid to focus on that) and think of my entitlement to it, I loose sight of my Master who provides even these sales. I do not have the luxury to loose sight of, or focus on, my Master. I don’t have the luxury to indulge in selfishness and self-centeredness either.
But when I focus on my Master, on His love for me which transcends imagination, then others in traffic, on phones, and at the end of the leash are again loveable. They may be frustrating, I may not like what they do, but I can still love them, because I see what I do, and how my Master loves me. This is one of the biggest reasons I start my prayers with “You love me.” The other big reason is to work through the lie that I am not accepted. When that lie springs up, I will tend toward resentment again. I am already miserable at that point, resentment just puts icing on the cake (with fondant and flowers).
Focus on the love my Master has for me is a tremendous source of peace. His Spirit then has the freedom within me to work His wonderful work and produce His fruit in me. He brings forth evidence of His presence, and people wonder to look at me, knowing that it cannot be me. Sure I can sound and appear intelligent, but only Jesus and His Spirit can bring out kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, peace, love, self-control, joy, and patience. Those are not products of intelligence, but sure are more impressive. The marvel of my Master’s work in me is the evidence those qualities provide of the truth of His presence and work. Because if He will work in one such as me, then who would be unacceptable? If He will take people like me, who would He exclude? I have known Him and still rebelled. What can be worse than having a personal relationship with the Master of the Universe, and rejecting Him as Master? I have had all pretense and excuse removed. I have no ground to stand on for my acceptability. There is no reason, no excuse, no foundation for my acceptability within myself. My acceptability is completely due to my Master choosing to accept me. And that is love.
So who will I accept today who is unacceptable? Will it be a cranky customer? Will it be my manager? Will it be my wife or daughter? Or will it be the driver in front of me on the road who refuses to do what I clearly communicate to him telepathically? Will I choose to accept without first requiring acceptability? I know that when I focus on my Master, His love and acceptance of me, I can do that; I can accept someone without requiring them to earn that acceptance. I’ve seen it happen. I just want desperately for it to happen more. Besides, I have a new quest, to let go of my desire to control what is not mine to control (mostly at work). I can’t be bogged down by this issue. I must focus on my Master, because I have some fears to work through, and I need to remember that He has my back.
Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 11th.
No comments:
Post a Comment