Sick and Tired Meanderings

I want to go back to sleep.  I am tired, sick, and my head hurts.  I know that I don’t really want to read Chambers entry for today.  I know that Matthew 6:25 says don’t worry, but Chambers titles this entry with the word “infidelity” and I know where he is going with this.  If I worry about the details of my life like clothes, food, and lodging, I am being unfaithful to my Master.

I don’t like that because I more often than not have little care for most of those things.  But those are examples, not an exhaustive list.  I still worry about stuff, only my list has  work, friends/co-workers, and dogs on it.  It’s a different set of common things in life, and just as petty.  I too feel the infidelity of my attitude toward my Master.  I see that my lack of faith is misplaced when I worry about these things.

But here I sit in the sweats, sinus’ throbbing, eyes barely open trying to write this blog so I can document my failure to submit in these areas.  Now I’m nauseous too with coffee and sinus drainage.  I feel I should go in to work today to enter orders from the trade-show last week.  That is where the silly worry comes in.  Why worry?  If I’m sick, I can spread this around work since I got it from my family.  Why do I feel such a need to go in and work?  The month is ending, and this would take care of the remainder of my goal for the month, and the team is behind, so it would help them as well.

Essentially, my struggle with this verse, and the entire passage, is in the area of co-dependency.  I want to care for others so I feel better.  It’s not my job, that’s the job of my Master.  I want tranquility and peace in my home, yet in relationships, that is not always possible.  My desires may not match the passage, but they stem from the same place, and they are answered in the same way.  They come from my desire for control and fears, and they are answered by submission to my Master.  Chambers calls it abandon.  That’s a great way to put it.

So, today I will allow myself to be sick.  I will permit my family the space to be in turmoil.  I will submit to my Master in these situations, and know the peace and serenity from Him.  Today’s spiritual discipline is releasing my concern for my family and my co-workers to my Master.  I will concern myself with rest, fluids, tissues, and Tylenol.  I will rest in the belief that my Master has the rest under control.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 23rd.