In Genesis 13:9, Abraham and Lot are separating their households because they have become too big for the same region. Chambers points out Abraham’s decision to let Lot decide instead of choosing. This was not Lot’s right, but rather, Abraham waived his right to choose. It puts my choice to move to another state in a nice light. But also causes me to pause in considering my job situation.
Chambers points out that this was a test for Abraham, and he decided to let his Master choose for him. In my situation, I waited until my in-laws asked for assistance, and then decided to move. And there was peace about this in spite of all the uncertainties (job, housing, insurance, etc.). But now my employer may make it possible to move and keep my job. It would be an extreme test of our newer technology and infrastructure. It would also mean I would get to keep my benefits.
But it would also mean I would still be tied to this company in the same way. That is what I am not so sure about. That is where I am letting my Master choose for me. The easy thing would be to choose to remain with the familiar. The difficult thing would be to accept not remaining with the security of benefits and steady pay.
But my situation is not Abraham’s. I am not allowing someone else to choose in my place. I don’t have a choice yet. My employer has not made the offer, just mentioned the possibility. There are still some hurdles to overcome, not the least of which is the security issues involved with the technology. So, the choice is not before me as of yet. If it is offered, I will need to assess the ramifications and decide. But I’m not sure how to let my Master decide for me when the time comes.
There are a lot of things going on around me that involve my family and this move, but about which I have little or no control. Yet I feel a sense of peace. That is the thing which is so different from where I have been the past 15 years. I used to have such confidence and a sense of peace in decisions. I felt the path before me was clearly defined by my Master. Yet now, torn by sin, damaged by life in so many ways, weary from idolatrous slavery, I am again at this place of peace; but am not the same person. The pride is gone. The self-reliance is nothing but debris. The assurance that I can withstand anything life throws is now a junkyard remnant of the façade I used to show the world.
I do not believe that my Master brought me through the path I followed. There was far too much sin involved for that. Instead, the radical acceptance of my Master is what was evident throughout. He truly never forsook me, never left me. What I did, I did myself in descending into the abyss of sin I chose. What my Master did was accept me back as repentance took hold, and I shed my self-righteous shell.
In fact, my Master protected me throughout. He kept me from the more radical elements of my chosen sin. He left His marks on me so that no one touched me or was attracted to me, making me an oddity among those who also had chosen this path. I was foolish enough to be puzzled by this, and even lament it at times. It is only now I see the hand of my Master working on my behalf to protect me, and guide me back to Him. Why would He want me so badly as to go to all that effort? I seriously have less to offer Him than so many others. Among pots of clay, I am one of the shabbier ones. Why choose that one to house His glory?
I can only assume that my history of frailty and brokenness will cause His glory to shine all the more. Perhaps it is the shabbiness of the pot that causes His glory to be more evident in contrast. I would think that a finer setting would compliment the gem, but my Master has chosen a common setting for His gem, and I am the more precious of jewelry because of it. The value is in the Master Craftsman’s work and the Gem of His Spirit He placed in the center. The bent and tarnished elements are the pieces of me still visible. Some of these He works into the design, and others He is in the process of working out of the piece.
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