It is the wedding anniversary for my wife and me. It was eighteen years ago that we were married on a warm Saturday afternoon in Camarillo, California. The constant joke of marriage is about how the wife will work diligently to change the husband into the husband she desires, or at least she assumes she will. This is funny because everyone knows it doesn't work that way, explaining a lot regarding the numbers of divorces, even among church attendees. But it works exactly like this with my Master.
It is the normal practice of my Master to take His human creatures as they are entering into a relationship with Him. It then becomes His purpose to modify them tremendously until they become completely His. Rather than do so with the manipulation used by most human relationships, my Master uses His Spirit living within the one now confessing Him as Lord. This is very different from marriage, partly because there is no time when my Master is apart from me. There is no thought of mine that escapes His notice. There is no word or work which He ignores. Everything I do, I do with Him as my Witness. I bring that up first because of my dependence upon accountability.
A spouse cannot hope to change their partner. The best that can be hoped for, according to many marriage therapists, is influence. While it is true that my Master can change me, He limits Himself to influence as well. But He adds to that self-imposed limitation, unending perseverance. Perhaps this is a point where some marriages falter. My spouse has not. Her perseverance has been tremendous, and a general survey of my previous entries will bear out that claim. I have trooped through our eighteen years addicted, and often in denial about it. That is a lot, possibly too much, to ask of a wife, any wife. And yet mine has shown herself more than equal to the task.
The process my Master uses to "influence" me through His Spirit takes the form of patient leading, waiting, whispering, and effective use of two-by-four-upside-the-head events. I know that I am never good enough. But I also need to accept that my Master will never be done "influencing" me until I am good enough. I will never be finished learning, seeing myself as I am, and having yet another area of growth in my life revealed. I can never sit back and enjoy my progress; instead I must content myself with enjoying the process along the way. And don't get me wrong, there is amazing joy along the way my Master leads, even though it is tougher and harsher than I would choose to be on myself.
There is something somewhat overwhelming to accept that there will always be a part of me that needs growing or conforming more into the image of my Master. I know it intellectually, and would confess it in any conversation; but to then live it daily outside of the group discussion, with only my Master and my wife and my daughter as my witness, is hard. With them I want to "let my hair down" which in this context means to let my baser sinful selfish nature have control. I write that because I want it down in print how ridiculous that truly is. I know this stuff, but do not always confess my struggle with it. I need it recorded that I am ridiculous when it comes to spiritual growth. Oh, and by 'ridiculous' I, of course, mean "foolish". I don't want that to be missed.
So, I am less the fool for my Master, and more the fool. The process is bringing me around to being a fool for my Master, and less the fool. As I submit to my Master's process (James 1:5 has a "cohortative verb" – an imperative in 3rd person, i.e. "…let steadfastness have complete work…") it begins to complete (make perfect having all pieces and parts) a quality I have neglected in submitting generally to His mastery. That is a long way of saying that it is not enough for me to say I submit to my Master without also submitting in what I might consider minor areas of my life. He must own it all or I have not truly submitted at all.
So, today, a Sunday, a day of worship, I will submit to what I hear. Going to worship means that I am likely to hear something about myself I would rather ignore. As I go, I must also keep in mind that this entry was for today, as is the message that will be delivered. And while others read this entry, and hear this message, there will be something prepared for me by my Master. Not that I am the reason the sun rises, but because one of the Sovereign qualities He displays is the ability to work all things together to accomplish multiple tasks. And, yes, I am a "task" He has taken on.
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