Boredom is my enemy. Someone, I can't remember who, said that boredom is a selfish feeling or attitude. That's possible I suppose. There is usually an issue behind it for me. I am usually avoiding something I am ashamed about, and my attitude is boredom. It is at these times that I am most susceptible my old sinful frailties. Chambers has another perspective, and I don't like it so much because he sounds eerily accurate.
Chambers uses my favorite verse in my favorite passage to point out that walking is the true test of my strength. It is not the run, or the ascending on wings that truly test my strength, those are fun. The routine is what shows consistency and that is where my strength is truly tested; endurance. It is also where spiritual maturity is found. I am most spiritually mature when I walk before my Master, and endure to the end.
As it happens, this is exactly where I find myself now. I am waiting for the next thing, chore, job, mission, or whatever. If it was clear that my Master was leading me out here, there has to be a reason, and I still haven't seen it. I guess part of what bothers me is that it could be that it's not about me being out here at all. It could be something that He wants for my wife or daughter. It could be that I'm supposed to do my job and support what He will do with and through them. Nothing wounds the pride and self-importance as much as being in a supporting behind-the-scenes role.
Not knowing means that, in my desire to control, I can fill in the blanks myself. Like Mad-Libs I fill in silly things that are funny, not real. It is my Master's call to again wait, worship, and walk before Him. It is again a time to relax into Him, and submit to His peace. The resulting joy is necessary to my soul, my emotional equilibrium, and my sanity. I can't do my job without it; I can't be a husband without it; I can't be a father/dad without it. I can be a jerk, a bully, lazy, foolish, and depressing without it, and those are easy things to fall back into. They generate shame for me, and shame cripples my ability to submit to my Master.
I am called by my Master a knight, and called to serve Him. I'm not looking forward to serving in a castle, I want battle. I guess I also want to pick the battle, the fun one, not the one where I fight the guerilla insurgents hiding in bushes for ambush. Once I reach a sense of peace and the enemy which has overrun my life for so long is defeated but still present, I have to adjust to a low intensity conflict mode. I defend now against spiritual and emotional IED's. These things are deadly, and nearly impossible to spot. I endure the sporadic attacks, the random shelling, and the occasional car bomb. I endure the hurt and pain this world inflicts on my wife and daughter, not just on me. Am I painting a rather dismal picture?
The bright light in it all is my Master. He never leaves, so the power of the Son dispels all darkness of these events. My enemy is already defeated, and I simply endure the victory. I have to admit that it is not enough to wait, nor just to walk before my Master. I must worship. This is the element of His command which keeps in my mind the worthiness of the One I wait on. I walk in the presence of the Master of the Universe, Maker of Heavens and Earth. I walk about this life, and my audience is the One forming stars, destroying solar systems, dispersing vast clouds of hydrogen, and coalescing other clouds into new stars. He is powerful to understand the substance of sub-atomic particles, tracing the figure of quarks, and guiding their paths, forming neutrons, electrons, and protons. This is the One before whom I walk daily.
I hope that changes things. Instead of avoiding the details of my day, I should worship, recalibrate on my Master, and move ahead into what I fear. I may need to do that a lot at first, and then, perhaps I will worship as easily as I breathe. That would be nice. I sense peace even writing about it. Good day to y'all.
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