Today Chambers examines the experience of Isaiah when he saw God in the Temple. Isaiah's response was about the sin of his lips. Chambers says that God dealt with him right at the point of that sin. The conclusion that Chambers draws is that the presence of God always brings me to see my sin in particular rather than in general. I would have to agree with that. I don't know enough to know of others experiences, but that is certainly true for me.
I am aware of sins of mine in thoughts, like lust or selfishness; in actions, like snide remarks or sarcastic disrespect; in decisions, like to not get off my butt and help my wife with something; and in prejudices, like against personality-based ministries/ministers. And these areas are not exhaustive, but they are instructive. They help me stay within the boundaries of my desperate need for my Master.
I am not a "perfected" saint. But I can easily lapse into a feeling that I am "good enough" because my Master has done so much transforming work in me in the last six months. I would be easy to relax, but even as I think the thoughts, the old patterns of thought and behavior creep into my mind. It doesn't take much. I fear the rottenness at my core, but the fear drives me to my Master. He has transformed me these past months. I have only done things to give Him the access He has always wanted, that was my only contribution.
I need to keep that in mind because the old patterns can have a devastating effect if I relapse at this point. I admit that I probably will at some point. I say that not to give myself license but because my Master tells me that the heart of man is desperately sinful, and that includes my own. It has always been my pattern of rebellion against my Master, seeking to usurp His position in my life, which has enslaved me to sinful behaviors. It has been my mind that has been my downfall; and there is some irony in that.
Way back in my childhood, a friend of my parents gave me a drink of a beer. We were in their garage and I eyed this "mystical" can he held while he and my dad talked. Noticing, he asked if I wanted a sip. Sure! It was the most disgusting taste I had ever experienced at my age. It had such a pronounced effect that I don't even like the smell of alcohol. But when quizzed on this in the Army, I would tell people that my brain was really the only thing I had going for me, so I didn't want to waste any brain cells with alcohol or drugs. As it turns out, those brain cells were the very thing setting me up for failure. Isn't it always the way?
I tried in my own power and for my own reasons to resist something potentially harmful, only to be harmed by the very thing I sought to protect. The solution required me to relent and give up my desire to protect something that was a weakness in my life, my brain. To do this meant a level of submission to my Master that I had to travel a long hard road to reach. By the time the therapist suggested long term anti-depressants, I had arrived at the point that I would have agreed to brain surgery. I was desperate for something that would help me kick my addiction since nothing had worked, not even 1 2 steps.
In the "Big Book" of AA, there is this statement that says that honesty is what is required for the steps to work. Even the mentally ill can gain sobriety if they are able to be honest. I wasn't, and it turned out I was mentally ill to a certain extent. It has been in being willing to manage this slight defect that I have been able to submit to my Master. I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not able to control my body or my brain myself. That seemed like an excuse, but instead it was a point of submission, through which I learned dependence upon my Master.
So I too find myself a man of "unclean lips" living among a people of "unclean lips"; a discovery reached while in the presence of my Master. Today is Sunday, and I go to worship at a new church we have never known, with people we have never met, and in ways we can't predict beforehand. It will not be like the larger church we left in Texas, and that can be good, or bad; or good and bad. But we have the assurance that my Master has led us here. So we worship with the knowledge that the One we worship is Master over all with whom we worship; just as He has demonstrated His mastery over every other detail of our lives here.
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