There is a very real sense of loss in the presence of kings in Israel. Yahweh said that they had rejected Him as King, and the people wanted to be like the people around them. They sought security through temporal and human means, through what seemed to be working for those people around them. It was as if they sought to throw off holiness (peculiarity due to Yahweh) to be like everyone else. It was a pragmatic choice and desires, like so many that eventually shipwrecked the whole country. And it is a weakness I face regularly, "it makes sense."
Well, I have to accept that coming to this place doesn't make sense, so my Master has done what I would not have done on my own. I have followed the King of the Universe instead of some other pragmatic leader and guide. That's good, but I have to caution myself, my sense of security based on what has already happened. I do not want to lose focus on my Master distracted by the blessings He has already given. I want to see Him all the more clearly. I confess that my vision of Him is not that clear really.
As I engage in relationships around this community, I know that what others think of me will become a huge snare for me. I know that, but I still wander into it. The only clear thing I have is that my Master brought us here, and provided security for us to remain here. He did so not on our terms, but on His own. In the process, He removed the very thing we were counting on for our security, the cash we walked away with from the sale of our house in Texas. At a loss, it was ours to spend without capital gains. But now it has been used to purchase this house, and purchase it in full. And my Master left us just enough for a reasonable "emergency fund". I think it's a beautiful mark of His hand at work that He did not leave us more than an emergency fund. He set us up here and now we have to be fiscally responsible, and accountable to Him with our finances.
In removing our "prop" He forces us to focus on Him more consistently. But even in the removal of the prop, I can become distracted by the limitation and lose focus on Him. Or I can decide that, as He has led us all the way, He continues even now. My wants are now fuel for a fire where I can sacrifice my most precious things; the first fruits of my labor, my family, my gadgets, my systems and arrangements for my security. I have arrived at a crisis of abandon. I can take another step off the cliff, or remain on the bluff with a view of the darkness. It's not much of a view. Flying would be much more beautiful, but will I take that step?
You love me, You have my back, and I am at Your service. I will wait, worship, and will walk about in Your presence. Where You lead me, I will follow; and what You ask me to do, I will do. I am a Knight of Your Realm, and a Servant to my King. I will be a forerunner of the One Bringing Light into this dark place.
No comments:
Post a Comment