Death by Co-Dependency

I have never thought of myself as a "soul-winner" as such.  I do not have a list of those I have led in prayer to faith in Jesus.  I know of some for whom their prop of atheism was dealt a healthy kick in a discussion we had, but I was not the one who led them to faith in Jesus, if it happened later at all.  People have drifted in and out of my life at times and I have not been a socially minded person who kept up with them.  But the question posed by Chambers this morning relates to being a hindrance to the work of the Spirit rather than a help.

The various ways that my Master gets the attention of people can be confusing, and sometimes frightening.  If that person is one He has set His sights on, and they fight the irresistible pull and call, their lives can become absolutely miserable.  The paths of destruction will continue until they submit to His sovereignty in their lives.  Often their conversions are dramatic and they have amazing testimonies, write books, go on speaking tours, and so on, calling on others to submit to God rather than suffer as they did.  But what would have happened if a well-meaning believer tried to intervene when disaster struck, to soften the blow, to be the one that they turned to instead of pointing to the Master?  Crazy says you?  Co-dependent says I, and brazenly common because of that.

I am in sales for a living.  I am somewhat successful at it for one reason only, I am a problem-solver at heart.  I like a challenge, and will use very creative means to connect the dots to solve problems I encounter.  One very bad side-effect of this is that broken systems don't get fixed because I keep the wheels from squeaking loudly.  The creative "Southern Engineering" I use to make it work only enables a system that needs attention from being attended to.  An effect I keep trying to create, but with only limited success, is dependence in my customers.  I want them coming to me for everything but milk and groceries.  I want them to think of me as one of their best assets to grow their businesses and adapt to changes in industry.  Well, that does not happen as often as I would like because I also help my sales team, so really, any one of us can now help them figure stuff out and get what they need.  Now it is more likely I hear from them when the "wheels" which were at first squeaky, have now come completely off.  I don't get sales credit for that.  I wanted to hear from them before someone else messed up their business systems so I could get sales credit for something that worked.

So what's the connection?  I am not unique in this approach to sales (rare, but not unique).  And it stems from a somewhat co-dependent approach to sales.  I want to rescue my company and keep the revenue coming so I "protect" a busted system by teaching the customer the work-around so the customer can go on their merry way, problem solved.  I also create an environment where my co-workers do not need to learn solutions to problems, I solve the problems for them, or direct them to the right area/person.  No need on their part to figure it out.  This is, again, a co-dependent work philosophy, and not a healthy one.  Where this connects to creating barriers for people to engage faith in my Master is when I try to smooth out the effects of their Resistance to Him.

I, like many, really am uncomfortable around the suffering of others.  There is this nagging sense of guilt or shame that I'm not the one suffering.  I'm not sure why I feel that way, or where the feelings come from, but I doubt it's very legitimate.  To ease that discomfort, I act to ease the suffering.  There are entire vocations and industries built on this very desire.  Sometimes they go off track and are more interested in the money possessed by the suffering than the suffer, but not always.  And I believe these industries are a benefit to our society (usually).  But when I, a servant to the Master of the universe, witness His work in the life of another which involves suffering, the solution is not an emotional band aid, aspirin, and antibiotic ointment.  The solution is to point them to the One managing their circumstances.  Sure, caring for the sick, the poor, the widows and orphans is good and necessary.  I'm for it, personally.  But I am also aware of my co-dependent streak which would also lead me to assuage my own emotional pain in the face of the suffering of others by pointing to myself as the solution rather than my Master.  Therapists refer to it as the difference between sympathy and empathy, terms I really do not understand very well.  The difference between them has to do with how much of the emotional baggage belonging to the client is taken on by the therapist.  Some identity with it is necessary and good.  Too much is frowned upon and typically bad for the client and the therapist.  Where's the line drawn?  That depends on the therapist and the client, but is usually fairly obvious to anyone outside of the relationship.

So, help = good; but enabling = bad.  Dependency on Jesus = good; but dependency on me = disaster, eventually.  I don't get to be God, and really, I don't want His job.  I am not very good at forming stars from vast clouds of hydrogen, so I would probably avoid that part of the job, and the universe would quickly fall apart.  Gravity baffles me, so again, I would not be able to hold everything together.  So, why then would I want to be God in the smaller, more pedestrian situations?  Because they are close enough that I fool myself into believing that I can control those.  I can't.  Today, I will let my team down, I will not protect my company's mistakes, and I will quietly point to the true Master of both.  Where will I be working tomorrow?  "Would you like fries with that?"