Am I One of Two Thieves?

In Galatians 2:20, my ministry buddy, Paul describes his life with Jesus in very interesting terms.  He has been crucified with Jesus Christ.  There is this identity with the publicly humiliating, personally debasing death Jesus died which I find hard to wrap my mind around.  But he continues, "...and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me;..."  This takes me once again into an area that I either do not understand or, if I do, I have never been able to go.  But he continues on, "...but what I now live in the flesh, in faith I live that of the Son of God..." There is a change here from what I am used to seeing or how I am used to reading passages on faith.  This is the faith "of", not faith "in".  The life lived is "in" faith, but the faith itself (and the passage is very specific here) is faith "of".  Even in English this has the ring of the possessive here.  Ownership of this faith does not belong to Paul, it belongs to Jesus, the Son of God.  This faith has been given to Paul as a result of this crucifixion and no longer living except by this imparted faith.  Or is it a result?  It doesn't put a "therefore" in there for that reason (pardon the optional pun).  Paul is not shy about using "therefore" so its absence may mean something.

What if this identity with such a publicly humiliating death, this odd half-life where I no longer live but Christ lives in me, this life lived in the faith belonging to the Person living in me is actually not a progression, but all part and parcel of, with, or in (pick whichever preposition you like) the same event.  That would really be nice.  I would love that tremendously because it would take this gnawing pressure off me that I am somehow responsible for being crucified along with my Master.  I admit that I'm not sure how to do that.  I figure that it has something to do with submitting the various areas of my life to my Master, but does it come after they are all submitted to Him?  If so, I have a long time to wait, because I am not naturally submissive, and have only just begun to add "and I am at Your service" to the intro to my prayers.  Or does it come in the process of submitting?  Is it a result which comes as I lay various pieces of myself that He points out on the altar that I am crucified with my Master?  If so, when does the life I no longer live except by imparted faith show up?

I also admit (my day for admissions) that this whole thing sounds like an attempt to be spiritually perfect.  Or at least like attained spiritual perfection.  While Paul is annoyingly consistent in his claim to be submitted to Christ Jesus, he doesn't ever claim to be perfect (which is good because Luke, and Paul himself, records evidence of interesting anger issues).  So what is this life of being crucified, of no longer living, of Jesus living within, yet of living in imparted faith?  What does it look like if not perfection?  And how do I get it if not a process of submission?  Perhaps the context of Galatians (one of the letters of Paul where his anger issues peek through) can shed some light here. 

Galatians 2:17 reads (in the NASB), "But if, while seeking to be justified in Christ, we ourselves have also been found sinners, is Christ then a minister of sin? May it never be!"  And this helps me.  The "if" here is not one of those which suggest it would never happen, but rather suggest it is likely.  In other words, Paul puts the context of his claim of a life where Jesus lives within him and he lives in the faith imparted to him by this Jesus within a statement that in the process of seeking righteousness through Christ he may likely be found to be a sinner.  And that this finding does not make Jesus a minister of sin, but rather belongs at his feet.  So, here is a man who understands he may be found a sinner as he lives, yet can also claim that he has been crucified with Jesus and that Jesus now lives in him, and that what he lives now he lives in faith which Jesus gave to him.  He can be both crucified, and living in this imparted faith, yet also be found a sinner? 

I think it is very obvious here that I do not understand this very well.  So, before I make claims I cannot substantiate I will own the boundaries of my understanding stop right behind this area I am now in.  I am in very strange country to me, and whatever is read here is my opinion as I sift through this passage seeking understanding, guidance, and to know my Master and my relationship with Him better.  And I may change my opinion later as I learn more.  But from what I have read, and from what I see from the context so far I say that this crucifixion happened for me, and that I now no longer live, but Christ lives in me, and that the life I now live in the body I also live in that faith which belongs to Jesus, my Master "...who loved me and gave Himself up for me."  I say that not to claim any sort of perfection, even in the sense of completion, because I throw myself on to the grace of my Master and claim that what I cannot do, where my abilities end is where His overwhelmingly conquer and take over.  I claim that this situation is true each day to the extent that I am not found to be a sinner, or rather to the extent that I do not find myself a sinner nor does my Master.  As I submit to Him, this truth becomes more true, but at no time does it become false. 

Having said that, I confess now that I feel unsettled.  This feels somehow incorrect.  So, do I trust my feelings?  As I said, I may change my opinion later.  I go to work out with a sadistic trainer, so I will get back to you on this.