Reserves of Reservations

I continue to wait on my Master.  There is rumor of an offer on our house, but we have yet to see it, it's all verbal at this point.  It is low, the market is a nutty buyers market, and I am not happy with the offer as it is.  But I have no reason not to take the offer.  It wounds my pride, but the market supports the value of the offer.  The situation is not what I want, but it is what it is.  If the offer comes through, the buyer wants to close as soon as possible, putting us in an apartment or something plus storage.  That will probably more than double our housing expense.  Once school is out we then have to determine whether we leave the area or stay. 

So, I wait, worship, and walk before my Master.  It is hard to walk about before Him and not also look around me, but what I see around me frightens me.  It is all beyond my abilities, insight, wisdom, knowledge, financial resources, experience, best guesses, and imaginings.  Actually my imaginings fill in the gaps of all the other stuff with the monsters adorning the edges of ancient maps, "Here there be monsters!"  I know about as much about it as the early cartographers did.  I look at Jesus with something of the same silly limits as the woman at the well in John 4.  I see no bucket, no pot to draw with.  How can He give me this living water He speaks of?

I'm drawing from my limited stores to piece together what Jesus has to work with in order to meet my need.  Of course my stores are limited.  Of course it's not in me to achieve or make this happen.  And yet, I inventory myself, seeking those things that He will use to meet my need.  Chambers says that we do this because it offends us somewhat that the abilities of Jesus are so far above our own.  I suppose that is one way to look at it.  Another way to look at it is through the lens of my fear of what I cannot see.  I make up stuff, imagine the worst, bargain away my peace for "preparedness".  Yet how can I be better prepared than to be reliant upon the Master of the entire Universe?

I can't make the offer for more money, draw it out longer, or improve the attitude of the other real estate agent.  I can't change the state of my circumstances.  I can change my approach to them, I can change the lens through which I view them.  I choose to relax in Jesus' lap instead of fret about the things I cannot change.  I can walk about before my Master as if He has it all taken care of.  I can walk through these circumstances with the excited anticipation of what is around the next corner.  Rather than review my paycheck and that of my wife, and complain that we can't afford storage and an apartment, I can relax in the knowledge that what I don't have enough of, my Master has in abundance.  Rather than wonder what the loss of equity will mean for what we can afford later, I can rest in the assurance that my Master has just the right place at just the right price already in His mind.  I can look forward to seeing His resources make our ends meet.  I can wait with anticipation to see the housing He has in mind for my family.

Wait, worship, and walk before Him.  A hard calling with no end in sight.  But it holds the promise of peace, of joy, learning patience, the freedom to walk in goodness, to be gentle, kind, fearlessly love those around me as Jesus does, and mastery over my emotions.  I consider that a fair trade (actually I'm getting a pretty great deal! - shh, don't tell Him).