In 1 Corinthians 9:16, Paul claims that proclaiming the gospel is nothing to boast about. He is compelled to proclaim and suffers if he doesn't. Jeremiah, my biblical ministry model, had a similar problem with a fire in his bones when he refused to prophesy. I have not felt that. Not a bone fire nor suffering has hit me for not proclaiming. At least, not for a long time. It's been nearly 11 years since I pastored, and half that since I last preached. I still respond initially to Scripture in 'sermon' terms, as if to preach it. But then pull myself down into it personally, and force the application on myself. There are other clues to me that I could still proclaim, given an opportunity, but any fire has been filtered through pain-induced fear. I don't want to be a sad example of a prophet who ends his life, a captive of his audience where I warned them not to go. I'm not sure I'm cut out for 'corporate life' either, so... I will listen to the voice of God, and not refuse Him, whatever He says; even if that means I end up in Egypt.
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