The thing causing me the most stress right now is waiting. This is partly the result of my American cultural environment which pressures me to know, decide, and act now; partly my selfish, ego-centric expectation that the world work and provide my desires to coincide with my time schedule. I am waiting for God to speak. Well, not exactly. Actually I am waiting for God to tell me what my family is supposed to do. The options are move locally, move out of state, or not move at all. Factors that are now in limbo are decisions about my job, my wife's job, and my daughter's school for next year.
My wife's job wants an answer by March, my daughter's school wants a decision by February (whoops, already here), and I have no idea what I'm going to do about my job. The house is on the market, but no offers yet. The only things I have sensed God saying to me is wait, worship, and walk before Him. Those things do not provide me the answers I want to share with my wife's employer, my daughter's school, and tell me nothing about the house or my job. I want to hear God telling me what I want to hear, and now would be good.
So, wait, worship, and walk before Him, are the things I hear. These should be core elements of my relationship with my Master daily, anyway. But I realize that rather then tell me what I want to hear, God has opted for what I need to hear. The house is on the market at least until July. My job options will not change markedly until the end of February. So, there is real no way I can have those answers for those who pressure me right now. So, wait, worship, and walk before Him; these three remain while all the things I want have not yet arrived.
If I have the ears of Elijah, I would hide in a cave waiting for my chance to complain. Having left the answer in fire, I would wait until the wind, fire and earthquake pass before going outside to listen to the whisper. This would mean that I am waiting for the way in which God wants to speak to me. I wait in a cave, separated and depressed. I wait to complain and wail about my predicament. I wait to receive a pep talk and new marching orders.
Samuel just lived. He wasn't "waiting" at all, because in his day, God really didn't speak to people (normally referred to as prophets). So, when God speaks, he thinks the voice is Eli, a familiar fatherly voice. Samuel was waiting by living out the last thing he was told, continuing on until a new thing was given. When Samuel was told how to respond to the voice, he did so. He listened even though he did not like the message, and he passed it on even when he didn't want to. But he did not learn the lesson perfectly. Later on, it applied to him in much the same way it applied to Eli.
I want to have the attitude of Samuel's ears, and the perception of Elijah's. I want to be able to wait, worshipping and walking before my Master each day. But I want to be able to pick out from all the fires, earthquakes, and wind the true voice of my Master, even if it is a whisper.
I don't want to wait to complain and whine. I don't want to miss the voice, thinking it is something or someone else. I want to hear my Master's voice when my Master speaks. In the mean time, I will wait. While waiting, I will worship and walk before Him.
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