The two on the road to Emmaus were sad. Luke tells us that they were talking over the weekend's events as they walked, and were clearly sad. Jesus meets them and their eyes were kept from seeing Him. Was it the sadness that kept their eyes from seeing or the Lord Himself? He asks, they recount the events, and finish up with their hope that He would redeem Israel, and that three days have passed.
I typically zip right by the setting, and dive into the desire to hear how Jesus started with the Law and Prophets to recount how the Scriptures foretold these things. I miss a point here by doing that. What can I learn from their depression? I have struggled with depression to the point of using anti-depressants to climb out of it. This is a very personal lesson for me.
What I already know of depression is limited, but the basics are as follows: 1) People respond differently to depression, especially between genders. B) Prolonged depression creates a chemical imbalance in the brain that forms a pattern which will cause the condition to continue beyond the initial cause. III) Restoring the chemical balance is only a partial cure; freeing the person to deal with the initial cause(s).
I bottomed out depression-wise immediately after leaving the ministry. I cratered, and spent three-years inside that crater. It wasn't pretty for my family or myself. On the way out, I learned that I am prone to depression, need to take special care to detect it early, and treat it immediately. But does this pattern also show that I am not trusting God? Does my response to these sad situations indicate that I had hoped in vain? Can hope in God be in vain? Or is it the timing which I impose on God that is the problem?
Hope in the Hebrew Scriptures is an interesting word. There is one which implies expectation of fulfillment, and one that does not. Typically, when referring to God, the implication is expectation of fulfillment. Abram hoped, and waited 12 years between God's declaration of a promise, and the next revelation of the process. He was already old, his wife barren, and no indication on the horizon that God was even listening to his prayers. Or was there? I am not certain I could hold out my expectant hope for 12 years.
If my disappointment and disillusionment are signs that I am not resting in God's provision AND timing, then when these markers show themselves I must respond. I must take my feelings to God, and submit them to Him, allow Him to delve beneath to the underlying fears, excavate the self-centered and self-reliant pollutents, and allow Him to plant and cultivate new faith. Ouch. Just the thought of being "plowed ground" makes me cringe.
The feelings are the signs, not the failure themselves. They are not the problem, but the symptoms of problems beneath. They follow thoughts, assumptions, and underlying belief. And those can either be rooted in my own abilities and desires, or they can come from faith in the Great God, Creator and Sustainer of the limitless Universe. My choice. Why do I choose the lessor, base, fragile, and silly option so often? Especially knowing that I succumb to depression so easily, I would hope I would work harder to avoid it.
So, my daily spiritual discipline must include some phrases. In prayer, I begin with "You love me, and You have my back." I then continue with "I will walk before You, please make me blameless." And then I let my mind wander over the vastness of His works, marvel in the power of His creations, and intricacies of His attention to the smallest details. All this does is provide a setting for my day, a context for the trouble in it, and a sense of perspective as I evaluate the things I encounter during it. It doesn't remove trouble, it removes fear. It does not provide safety, but assurance that I am safe. It doesn't make me happy, but grounds my joy in the freshly plowed ground of God's gift of faith. And with that, I am more available to my Master, and less distracted by my fears, my selfishness, or myself.
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