Reservations About Resources?

The methods of my Master are indeed mysterious, but I would expect that from someone personally responsible for gravitational effects which exceed the discernible quantity of matter in the universe.  After all, if He can create massive bright stars from clouds of hydrogen, of course I would be unable to understand even the simplest of tasks He takes on.  Seriously, He baffles great scientific minds who have spent their entire lives looking at one small corner of His creation.  There can be no expectation that I could comprehend Him.  And truly, anyone looking for God should start somewhere about there anyway; looking for someone inexplicably powerful.

So, if I can leave aside His methods as beyond my understanding, should I then decide to inventory His resources?  Isn't that a bit like taking inventory at the Palo Verde Nuclear Power station looking for deficiencies?  How would I even know if it didn't have enough of something?  How about I just roll up my sleeves and use litmus paper to determine if the chemcial waste at Hanford has been all cleaned up?  I'll pass.  Yet in spite of being able to note and accept my inability to do these attainable tasks, I have no qualms about taking inventory of the resources of my Master.  As if I can survey the things He can use to help me, and spot those places where there is not enough for the task.  Sure, that makes perfect sense.  And yet I do it without even thinking.

I pray, "Master, if you can..." Really?!  How about, "Master, if you will..."?  That would make more sense.  While typing, I sometimes slip and captialize the "M" of "my" instead of "Master", and I imediately think, "was that really accidental?"  Perhaps my desire to be on the throne of my life leaks from the depths of my id through my ego and passed my super-ego and creates a puddle through which I pass and leave tracks all over my day.  When will I learn that only my Master can contain and transform my basest qualities into spiritual fruit?  When will I finally accept that self-control comes as a fruit of the Spirit of my Master, not of myself?

My resources are drawn from deep empty pits which may have been wells at one time, but were quickly exhausted.  The resources of my Master are from the limitless vastness of His glorious riches and power.  I can't reach it to see or touch it.  I can't indentify any of its various pieces to count it.  I can't pretend to understand even the barest minimum of the workings of any of it to assess its value or usefulness.  And yet I feel perfectly at home doubting that He has the resources to meet my needs.  I call it "wondering", but I and He knows better.  "I was just wondering, Master,..." is never a good way to begin speaking to the true Master of the Universe.  It flys in face of the very thing being done.  How can He be this Master of the Universe, and I truly believe that, if I am unsure of His resources to help me?  Which part of this doesn't belong in the picture? 

So, OK, He has the resources and I cannot qualify them or quantify them.  He has my interests at heart, and has condescended to be my Master rather than ignore me (which I probably would have done long ago).  He has called to me, commanding me to wait, worship Him, and walk before Him.  He has refused to meet my time schedule, my price point, and my preference of modes.  He continues to be quite content to baffle me and confound my attempts to "help" Him along.  As long as I do those things, hang onto those preferences, attempts to help, and grow weary of waiting I will have no peace.  The answer is to surrender my clipboard and pencil, shed the accountants tie, put away the financial ratio analysis tables, and enjoy the commands of my Master.  He didn't call me to audit Him, He called me to walk before Him.  I have no business in His warehouses (which I couldn't even reach anyway).  Pardon me while I go outside to play in the fields of my Lord.