A History of Listening to God?

I don't know how many times I have thought it, felt it, or worried about it, but I seemed to be better connected to God when I was much younger.  There was the time when I was in middle school, when I seemed in a world much larger than me, but God seemed even bigger than that.  Then I seemed to loose Him during high school.  Then came a time while in the Army when I again connected, and the connection seemed strong and to stay.  When I got out, my confidence was high, and I seemed able to hear and sense Him constantly.

Now, I sit at a table.  It's dark outside and I wonder if I will hear Him when He speaks.  To some degree, it is dark inside as well.  I want to hear Him, and in Matthew 10:27, Jesus says that what He says in the dark to say in the light.  That would mean, even in the dark, He speaks.  Actually it may be that He waits for the dark sometimes.  Chambers believed that God speaking in the dark was for our benefit.  He counseled being silent in the dark so that God's voice would not be missed, and then that one of the things that would be received would be humiliation. 

So, from that perspective, I wait quietly in the dark to hear God speak to me and be humiliated.  It sounds bad, but, really, what Chambers meant is that God uses dark times in our lives.  The humiliation is the gaining of the humility which clears us to hear God at other times, not just the dark.  I'm all for that, and I feel that the process of loosing all those things that distract me from hearing my Master's voice are being set aside as well.  I am better attuned to those things that have distracted me, and I see the path I took to acquire them.  But I also see that I have not really been humiliated; not yet. 

So, I sit in the dark, listening for the voice of my Master.  So far, I have heard the admonition to wait, worship, and walk before Him.  I sense that much of my life is in limbo, waiting for direction, but also recognize that I am powerless to modify that circumstance.  Now, I also see that the remaining items clouding my reception of my Master's voice still need to be cleared.  I see the need to prepare to both go and stay.  If I pray for rain, then I should probably plow and plant before God answers.  What a strange place to be.  Perhaps I will look back on this time and wonder why I was so obtuse and impatient.  Or I may look back and wish I was as close to God (hopefully not, or a minor momentary lapse of reason).  Or I may never think to look back, being so preoccupied with whatever my Master has me doing then.  I like that possibility best.