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And when they had come to him, he said to them, "You yourselves know, from the first day that I set foot in Asia, how I was with you the whole time, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews; how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly and from house to house, solemnly testifying to both Jews and Greeks of repentance toward God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. (Acts 20:18-21 NASB)

I don't know if you have ever met anyone like Paul, but I think I finally have.  I don't know why, but I can become emotionally detached from things that seem to emotionally overwhelm some.  I just returned from Mexico where we saw poverty that was pretty amazing, but up close and personal.  It was, in a sense, in my face.  But it didn't make me weep.  It still wasn't my poverty, it was the poverty of someone else.  I didn't speak the language, so I didn't get to know people, and hear their stories, so I never really "engaged" in the setting.  But here is where I met the person I think has much in common with Paul.

Paul relates that he served the Lord "with all humility and with tears", and that sounds so odd for Paul.  He seems so strong and bold, that tears seem at odds with his character.  Yet he claims that these elders from Ephesus saw this in him.  They saw him declare the whole good news of Jesus, do so house to house, and to both Jews and Greeks.  I have met someone who does this in a very real sense in Mexico.  She doesn't live in Mexico, instead she travels across the border constantly.  She shares the good news of Jesus in impoverished places, to people who have very little except need.

Because work is scarce, food is needed.  Because food is needed, nutrition is poor.  Because work and money are scarce, hopelessness is rampant, skepticism is common, and abuse of self and others is also common.  I saw one "Catholic" Church, and I say that only because it was the largest "church-like" building and compound in the area, so I'm assuming it was a Catholic Church.  I never saw a sign as such.  There are heard that there are other churches in the area, but not enough.  The poverty means that any support for a pastor must come from outside the community.  It's difficult to get a church to remain for long.  The one we visited and at which we worked had been there for at least three years.

The lady who was responsible for getting it started did so through a Bible study for women.  She had started close to the border, in Tecate, but heard that many were coming from a village 20 miles south, so she moved it there.  Then she heard that many women were walking from an even smaller village 3 miles beyond that, so she moved it there.  In each place she left, she left a new church which still operates.  In this place where she works now, this church has been there for three years, and is adding a third building.  So she has been working through hard times to bring the good news of the love of Jesus to people without hope.

As we left, she prayed for us.  As she prayed, she broke down in tears of thankfulness to Jesus for His work through us.  What was so evident was her love for Jesus, even more than her love for the people in Mexico.  It was her love for Jesus which drove her to share Him with those she served across the border.  Sure, she worked until she is now nearly exhausted, but what I noticed was that it was her love for her Master that drove her to do so.  She had come from that poverty in which she served, and others who have that background leave it far behind.  Her Master would not permit her to do so.

It may seem like a semantic difference, but it is an important one.  In her prayer, less was said about the people we served, than was said about the Master we served.  In this way, people who know little beyond the poverty in which they live gain a perspective of heaven.  So these living so differently from us lived with hope and joy I don't.  Focus on them would not transmit the hope and joy, only focus on the Master.  It was clear, it was amazing, it was powerful, and it showed me the error of my focus.  I couldn't see it without the contrast.

So I couldn't really engage emotionally with the setting, but I think I caught the perspective of the people.  I think I understand better the focus off of the stuff of this world, and on my Master.  I think I get that more now than I have, and I think it scares me more now than it has.  It's not a terror, but a sense of unease.  What I want is for that unease to change from hindering my change in focus and into driving me into that change in focus.  I want to be afraid not to focus on my Master.  That may sound obvious or an assumption, but I realize I am moving that way, and am not there yet.  I have met a person who is so far down the path of such focus as to be almost unrecognizable to me.  I see that I, like Paul, like her, can and should focus solely on my Master.

Not Just Fearless, Regardless

But Peter and the apostles answered, "We must obey God rather than men. The God of our fathers raised up Jesus, whom you had put to death by hanging Him on a cross.  He is the one whom God exalted to His right hand as a Prince and a Savior, to grant repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.  And we are witnesses of these things; and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey Him."

But when they heard this, they were cut to the quick and intended to kill them. (Acts 5:29-33 NASB)

First off, I did well yesterday in spite of the loneliness.  I faced it, but my Master gave me the strength to continue.  It didn't hurt that the job was busy beyond belief though.  Today is a new day, and I will succeed today as yesterday, in the strength of my Master.

Now, about these crazy apostles speaking to the assembly of the elders of Israel; are they NUTS?  So, as it says, the apostles were jailed and brought before the assembly.  This means that the collective memory of Jesus' ministry, teachings, actions, and sayings was standing in defiance to a group intent to kill them.  This is possibly the closest the early church came to extinction (at least as recorded in Acts).  They may have known this, but they seem to be oblivious.

How do they do that?  Some how, they arrived at the clear delineation of what constitutes their problem, and what problems belong to the Master.  This particular problem (facing boldly those who would kill them) was something they saw as belonging to the Master.  So, they didn't worry about it.  How simple!  How so crystal clear! How easy!  Easy?  I would love to say that I am often distracted by the wind and waves as my Master calls me out of the boat to walk on water; I'd love to be able to claim that.  Unfortunately, I'm often distracted by ripples and refracted light on the water.  To be able to stand with the assurance that all I need to do is obey, and the results (including my demise) are not my problem, that sort of focus I cannot claim.

Notice that this is not one of those places where the speakers are described as "filled with the Holy Spirit", just together.  They just were confident, bold, and totally in danger.  Or were they in danger?  Perhaps these twelve men saw their circumstances more clearly that I am.  Sure, on the surface the refracted light and ripples might indicate that they are close to the demise of the "Way".  But the teacher who stands and dissuades the assembly makes a good point, "... for if this plan or action is of men, it will be overthrown; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them; or else you may even be found fighting against God."

It is possible that the minor distractions of death and failure masked the reality of God standing to defend them.  After all, earlier it was the Angel of the Lord leading them out of the jail and commanding them to go into the temple and teach once more.  If God can rescue them while completely guarded by their enemies, was the movement truly in any danger?  They suffered a flogging, but was there really any possibility they might be killed?  Their protection and the sustaining of the Way were not their problems to solve.

How can I gain this assurance, this perspective?  The need isn't for a change in attitude, but a vastly different world view; one that clearly understands and lives out the things that are my responsibility.  I suspect that my distraction with those things that are not my responsibility are excuses for not accomplishing the things that are; as if I were distracted by "loftier things".  I need that view or perspective that sees only what is mine, and is able to leave my Master's things alone.  Perhaps it's time for some mental filing.  Let me gather my mental manilla folders.  This should "de-clutter" the old brain.

Revisiting A Pet Peeve

Personality-based ministries are one of my pet peeves.  I know it’s a prejudice, but I distrust them intensely.  It has been very difficult for me to accept Rick Warren.  I’m still not entirely sold on Bill Hybels.  I never trusted Joel Olsteen, from the moment someone mentioned his success in Houston to me.  This is not my morning to remember names it seems, but suffice it to say that when a human name is mentioned in relation to a ministry before my Master I’m not their friend, not initially.  And no, that’s not fair, and yes, I know that’s a human prejudice.

I see in the entry this morning a real good support for this view, except that I’m not sure I really understand the point.  It sounds like Chambers is saying that unless sermons on salvation are preached, only the preacher is glorified.  That can’t be right, but I’m wrestling with what Chambers meant by, “If we preach the effects of Redemption in human life instead of the revelation regarding Jesus, the result in those who listen is not new birth, but refined spiritual culture, and the Spirit of God cannot witness to it because such preaching is in another domain.”  I’m not sure what he means by effects of Redemption in human life.

I don’t think that the effects of Redemption should be the focus of ministry, but if change does not happen as a result of Redemption, then was the person redeemed?  If the Spirit of my Master is not able to affect change, is He present in that person’s life?  The results of Redemption should point to the person of Jesus.  The results of Redemption should be so dramatic they can’t be ascribed to human effort.  And this does not mean that a person must become perfect after being redeemed.  I am ample proof of that; I would have been discarded long ago.

But when Chambers says that, if after a sermon, people go on and on about the preacher rather than my Master, there’s a problem.  He says something very interesting, “What a wonderful personality! What a fascinating man! Such marvellous insight! What chance has the Gospel of God through all that?”  I believe it is the nature of people to look no further than the sphere of their eyesight for something to worship.  But I also believe it is in the heart of people to desire more from their worship than can be found on the ground they walk.  People want a priest who will go before God on their behalf so they won’t have to; to be holy for them.

Can you imagine the pain my Master feels when those He gave so much to enable to enter His presence instead send another?  When I can’t be bothered, or I am ashamed of my sin I refuse to give up, or when I am afraid of losing my identity on a cross, I lose far more than I am able to retain.  I hurt the heart of my Master, I lose the peace and joy He has for me, and I reject any use I may be in His Kingdom.  It is the sacrifice of my Master that provides the example I am to follow, and it leads into His presence.  The goal, the place the journey leads, is into His presence.  It’s not about the journey; it is truly about the destination.

Paul, my frustrating and intimidating ministry model, says that he makes up in his body what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ.  I wrestle with what that means.  I struggle with thinking there is something lacking in the sufferings of Christ, even as Paul suffers over the church, the body of Christ.  He sees his role in ministry not about himself at all, but about his Master and his Master’s body, the church.  He endures whatever he must to care for his Master’s body.  So, here, the ends justify the means.  Another cliché that, in this context, becomes true.  So it is about the destination rather than the journey, and the ends justify the means.  Perhaps only when the destination and ends are Jesus.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 9

Serving Others Is Wrong?

Philosophers think about their thoughts, reasons, and attitudes.  There’s really no mystery to it, it’s just a way of walking through life that is pretty automatic.  Everything is evaluated.  I’ve found it kind of annoys other people, and I’ve developed a sort of perverse enjoyment out of that.

This morning, Chambers is a philosopher.  He examines what lies behind what is done and even behind the motivating impulse.  In his day, he spoke to missionaries who were still being educated, preparing to enter the service in foreign lands.  If they went because there was a need in foreign lands for missionaries, and they went where they thought they were needed, then they were missing the point.


One problem with missionary presentations about other countries and the needs of the people in these countries is that it plays on the emotions of the people.  That is good if the result is awareness of what God is doing elsewhere, but bad if the result is that the people decide they need to go and fix the problem.  It’s not going to happen.  We can’t fix the “problems” in other countries, because their real need is for the Master of universe, not more water or better farming methods.  Such a need for the Master requires the Master to become involved.

When my Master moves me and calls me to do something, then that is what I should do.  And I should do it because my Master directs, not because the people need my services.  I care for them because my Master cares for them in precisely the same way He cares for me.  I pass on His care He has lavished on me.  But if care for them is what drives me, I am in real trouble.  I don’t have the resources to meet their needs.  I would be a wreck of a human being if I tried to meet the needs of others with my resources.  And their immediate needs aren’t really the most important anyway.  Their need for Jesus far outweighs any other.

So instead, I need to work with the Master of resources and let Him provide for the needs of the people.  The reason for this is that if I meet a need, then I get the attention.  But if my Master meets the need, then He gets the attention.  If I get the attention, it affects that person at that moment, but when my Master gets the attention, lives are changed for eternity. 

It sounds like the needs of people in the moment don’t matter, and compared to glorifying Jesus, they don’t.  But in the moment, they do matter; they matter to Jesus, and He can meet those needs.  I just don’t think He does so to the exclusion of His glory.  The “bigger fish to fry” for Jesus is saving humanity from hell.  What He wants to do is accomplish that through meeting people’s needs.  If someone gets one more meal but goes to hell, their need was not met.  If someone misses a meal (especially if it’s me) and someone else is destined for heaven because of it, their need was met. 

It’s a matter of perspective and motivation.  It sounds cold and callous, but it’s not.  Do I doubt that my Master has the cares of the world in His mind and in His heart?  No.  So why would focusing on Him short change this world and the needs it has?  The needs will be met and I must have faith about that.  But I can’t see myself as the need-meeter.  It’s not like I can inhibit my Master from accomplishing His work, but I can opt out of participating in it and being used by Him.  I am a servant of the King, and my responsibility is to serve Him, not others.  He serves others.  It is my Master who girds Himself with a towel and washes feet.  He may lead me to do that service, but when He does, no one will see me, they will only see Him.  Any other perspective is a lack of faith and an act of pride on my part.  It is all about the Master of the universe saving the world.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 26

Becoming Less Oblique Toward my Master

As with most of Chambers’ entries, this one examines and probes my stance before my Master.  Is my stance toward Him, focused and concentrated?  Or is my stance oblique, taking Him in as well as all the other options vying for my attention?  Or is my stance facing Him at all?  Chambers address the oblique and focused stance.

Clearly from all the other entries, the position of Chambers is that I am to be focused on my Master in all of my life.  He didn’t come up with that, he got it from Scripture.  As I observe my “stance” lately, it has been less oblique than it has been, but I still suffer from distractions around me.  The very things I see my Master doing become distractions.  I stop looking beyond the wonder of the action, missing the Prime Mover of all things.

In gaining a better and better view of this impending move, I still feel a sense of excitement.  The sense can go two ways, it can degenerate into fear of the unknown details, or it can grow into energizing anticipation.  The deciding factor is my faith.  My faith is dependent upon my stance.  The less oblique my stance, the greater my faith.  When my Master fills my view, then I don’t even notice the unknown.  What is known outshines everything else.

I confess that I am not that focused yet, I am still oblique enough in my stance toward my Master that circumstances still distract me to some degree.  It’s really strange to look back over a day, or even a few hours, and see the silly things which distracted me, caused me stress or fear.  When I shake myself back to reality, and return my focus back to my Master, all stress and fear is gone.  Even knowing that, starting my morning with that, rehearsing it on the way to work, I still get it wrong after turning on my computer at work.  Is that selective memory, or evidence that my stance is more oblique than I thought?  It’s probably both, like being distracted by movement out of the corner of my eye. 

So, the goal in any given day, including this one, is to remain in an closed, facing stance focused on my Master.  The morning ritual, the drive in, the start up for the day, and the insatiable clamoring of tasks and customer; all must find their context and meaning in my focus on my Master. So, what is my Master’s interest in this next call?  What is my Master’s interest in this next task, fix, solution, conversation, or application?  I need to remember that He does have an interest in all those daily minor details.  The washing of a dish serves to teach a lesson of keeping my life clean, so does answering a phone, typing an email, and examining data to develop a solution. 

What would You have me do today, my Master?

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": June 10th.

Abiding In My Master’s Name

When, just six or seven months ago, I was still ruled by these raging passions, depression, sinful self-centered sinful patterns.  I am not far enough away from those that they do not still exert influence, and I still must be very vigilant.  But just in this short time I have noticed a difference in how my Master has been working in me.  This experience of transitioning to another state has been incredibly different than any other of our 5 moves.

I believe the others were still led by my Master, but the peace was not there to this degree, the provision was not as obvious, His finger prints were not as clear as they are now.  I assume that part of that difference is that I am in a better place to see all those things.  But part of it is that He is doing something differently this time.  And while I believe I am in a better position and more available to Him, I am not under the impression that this state has somehow earned this clearer manner.  That would be absurd.

In the passage Chambers uses from John 14, Jesus again asserts that anything requested in His name is a done deal.  Here, though, is a new twist.  I didn’t even know to ask for some of the provision He has provided.  Actually the major parts of the provision were total surprises to both my wife and me.  So that is not to what this passage is referring.  Instead, I believe it may be pointing me to another part of my responsibility with my Master.  Chambers says it has to do with intercessory prayer.

There are no shortage of people who I know need my Master’s help.  I have a sister and brother-in-law who have reached a point where my Master must lead somewhere, even if it is to remain.  They have reached a point which requires a decision, and options are running thin.  How about them?  They could certainly use some prayer on their behalf.  And there are others, at work, at church, in my apartment complex, even people I pass while driving or walking about this city.  There is no shortage.

So, that is one need, and one application of this promise to have what I ask in the name of my Master.  Are there others?  Yes, I believe there are.  But all of the other applications are tied to a center which Chambers clearly points out.  He calls it the “Atonement of the Lord”, and I believe he is referring to the work of Jesus to enable me to relate to Him; all of that work, past (the cross and resurrection), present (His Holy Spirit), and future (presence with Him in His glory).  If this work of my Master forms the center of my personality, then I will be able to work and act as if Jesus were the One working and acting.

Richard Foster referred to praying with this sort of relationship, and he called it “praying the words of God after Him.”  In other words, the words used in my prayers would be the words of my Master in my mouth.  Therefore they would naturally be “in His name” since they originated with Him in the first place.  I wouldn’t have to wonder if He would say yes, I could ask with the confidence that a child has asking her parent for a sandwich for lunch.

But I could also decide on a course of action with the confidence that this course is in agreement with my Master.  I could speak to someone with the confidence that what I said were the words of my Master.  These things would also be marked with an open humility that I have little to do with them or their outcome.  It wouldn’t occur to me that I did or said any of it.  My surprise would be that they came through me at all.

So the “abiding” from John 15 which follows this discourse, dovetails with it nicely.  It is not just prayer, but life.  Or perhaps daily life is prayer.  I am not there yet, that would be really cool.  In either case, I can say that, at this point, in the way my Master is working out this move, I am a spectator rather than a participant.  This is not one of those “abiding” in my Master things, nor is it that we asked in my Master’s name, so we have it.  What we asked for is clarity, but I already know my Master is not always interested in clarity, so that was what we wanted.

I may be in a position where I am more attuned to my Masters’ voice, but I must admit that the provision we are experiencing is not the result of that.  I believe that the result of that sensitivity is the peace I am enjoying in the midst of the loose details.  And I believe that the peace is fragile; dependent upon how attuned I am to my Master.  My serenity is a borrowed thing that belongs to my Master which He lends to me while in His presence.  I enjoy it as I walk before Him.  The provision is His deal, and while I am humbled and grateful, I do not suffer under the illusion I had anything to do with it. 

In fact I suspect that the clarity of my Master may be an indicator that a spiritual storm is brewing in our destination.  It could be that this clarity will be a necessary anchor for me when things go off track, the wheels come off my cart of desires, and I am temped to believe we did the wrong thing.  Well, be that as it may, this is the road that my Master has clearly laid before me and my family.  So, here we go, U-Haul and all.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": June 7th.

Abandon Yet Not Abandoned

Back, sometime last year, my family and I set a date to put our house on the market.  The idea was to see if my Master wanted us to move or not.  It sold in a week or so, while other homes in our neighborhood are still for sale.  He wanted us to move.  Then it was a matter of where.

My wife’s parents wanted us to come out there so they could spend more time at their condo in Oregon while we helped out with their other property.  That didn’t seem to be my Master leading, so we held off.  My wife’s job expanded, and she was given a promotion, and so on.  I figured we were staying.  But neither of us seemed interested in finding a house locally.

Then, my in-laws, my wife’s mom specifically, revealed personal health problems.  Her step-dad was having trouble physically taking care of the property, and they have issues keeping them from selling it, at any price.  He asked for help.  That was the clincher for me, for him to ask for help.  We were moving their way.

Now, Chambers’ writes of “abandon” and not having reservations or using common sense as the guide.  And I think I’m right there with him.  In Luke 9, at the end of the chapter, 2 people ask to follow Jesus, and 1 He asks.  They all have excuses, even the 2 who ask to follow Him (weird).  In verse 62, Jesus tells one that anyone starting to plow and looking back is not fit for the kingdom.  What he asked was to go and bid farewell to his household.  For that, he was considered unfit for my Master’s kingdom.

So, I’m left with this problem.  On the surface, I demonstrate that I am abandoned to my Master in that where He leads (to my in-laws), I go, and I go willingly and joyfully.  But I struggle in my thought life, my interior self.  Every once in a while, I revert to those thoughts that were driven by my passions and desires which have ruined much of my life, probably my ministry, and nearly my marriage.  I know what happens when I do that.  I know where it leads.  Sure, I didn’t “act” on it now, but those thoughts are consuming for me, and become compulsive for me.

I also know where those thoughts come from.  I know that they come from feelings of either shame or fear.  This is the reason I start my prayers with “You love me, You have my back.”  I know that the answer to these feelings is to go to my Master and submit to His truth; how He sees me.  He sees me that way out of His choice, not because I’ve earned it or am good enough to warrant that sort of attention.  I know that these thoughts come from forgetting that, from fear of my situation being out of my control.

So, my abandon is not total, and is not without the need for bolstering, and reaffirming.  I am weak and fearful.  I want control even knowing that’s not possible.  I want to know, without having to trust, that everything will turn out well.  The truth is that “well” needs definition.  The way I define “well” may not be the way my Master defines it.  So, what I need is submission to His definition of “well” because I know that His definition includes a peace which defies understanding; serenity. 

I have trusted my Master this far, and He has been faithful.  I will trust Him with the remainder.  But it is a struggle, I feel it even as I write.  It seems to good to trust that something bad will not come and take it all away.

All, so far, has been more than I could have imagined.  When we started this process, we were considering living without jobs, possibly in my in-laws house, with little savings.  First, we gained more savings than we could ever expect, protected from tax and liquid.  Second, my wife was told she could keep her job, just transfer to a different region (less time and therefore less pay, but still…).  Third, my job held out the possibility of me working remotely (that has not been finalized, but they are trying).  Lastly, my in-laws found and are getting us into a house, so we move from an apartment here, right into a house there (again, not quite finalized yet…).  It feels too good to be true.  I am waiting for the punch line that takes it all away.

Can you see it?  I do not trust my Master to give me good things.  It is not exactly what it sounds.  I know that my Master wants the best for me, it’s just that His best is often uncomfortable for me.  I know that what is best for me is to be totally reliant upon Him.  So I trust Him to take away anything which might distract me from that devotion.  See now?  I am afraid that if I rest in this amazing provision I will loose it.  On the other hand, if I dive into my Master only to keep the provision, I will still loose it.  I must not care about it at all, and I’m not great at doing that.  I need to look at my master and continue to wait, worship, and walk before Him. 

I can worship and be grateful for these provisions, but I must not allow them to distract me from this path and my peace found only in Him.  The truth is that with or without these provisions, we still go.  Into a house or into someone else’s house, we still go.  With a job or without one, we still go.  The part of this that does not change is that we still go.  That must be where I focus, rather than on the provision.  The provision is my Master’s issue, and it will come from His resources.  I take care of going; the truck, the trailer, packing, driving, etcetera.  Of course, even there I need His provision.  I am completely dependent, and bring very little to this venture.

You love me, You have my back, and I am at Your service.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 30th.

Exploring the Trinity…From Within!

One of my favorite discussions to get into with atheists is about the Trinity.  They love that it doesn’t make sense, and, as it turns out, so do I.  Why would I expect the One responsible for this inexplicable universe to have a personality that made sense to me?  But as a believer, there are some serious aspects of the Trinitarian nature of my Master about which I am ill at ease.

For instance, this passage to which Chambers refers is one that I really find difficult.  It either is not referring to the Trinitarian nature of my Master, or it makes this nature accessible, and inclusive of me.  It’s one thing to say that my Master has this nature made up of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and the Three are One in some fashion.  It is a whole other matter to say then, that my Master’s human creatures (like me) can be included in this nature. 

The problem is that I know I will never be God.  Yet, for whatever reason, the Apostle John was convinced that we will be like Him.  I don’t know what it means to be “like” God, and in this passage I am even challenged further that I will be “in” my Master as my Master is “in” the Father.  Part of my problem with that is that the Apostle did not use some specific narrow Greek word for “just as”, or some special preposition for “in”, but the general purpose common words which are easily understood.  While the Greek preposition “in” has a wider range of meaning than the English equivalent, it still represents the idea of something penetrating beyond the surface and proceeding within the object. 

So taking only verse 21 of John 17, I am left with this idea that, just as Jesus is “in” the Father and the Father is “in” Jesus, so I will be in both.  That is some deep water.  It is a concept that troubles me.  I am not even as “clean” as Isaiah and his “unclean lips”.  My people are not even as “clean” as his “people of unclean lips”.  How can I be “in” my Master?  How can I exist within the boundaries of the Person responsible for creating, maintaining, sustaining, and eventually destroying something as vast as the immeasurable universe I live within?  I can’t even understand it on a micro-cosmic level, how can I be “included” within the Creator of it?

This is my real problem with the Trinity, not that my Master would have that as part of His nature, but that I can be somehow included in such a nature.  And not because I cannot accept or believe that such a nature has the capability to include others in it, but rather because I know my sin and profane nature.  How can someone like me (and there are many like me in this world) be included in this way with One like Him?

I know this bothers me, but my Master has a very familiar answer.  It is possible because my Master makes it possible.  I cannot be holy, but my Master sanctifies me (the process of making me holy).  I cannot be perfect without sin, but my Master takes away the wrath demanded by justice for those defects on which I have worked so diligently (a process also known as “propitiation”). 

These are the activities taken by my Master which make such an inclusion in the very nature of my Master not just possible, but inevitable.  That is where I am headed regardless of how much I cannot understand or refuse to accept it.  I am to be somehow included within the boundaries of this Person, this Creator of the micro and macro cosmos.

So, if this is my destiny, laid out by One so powerful so as to make it as certain as the dawn, why then should I be concerned about a job, insurance, house, food, clothes, car, and anything else uncertain as my family transitions to living in a different state?  Seriously, what else matters if that destiny is certain?  What else can compete for my concern if that future lies just ahead?  What is left to worry about?  What is there to cause me angst?  How can anything unsettle me if that is true?  I would hope that dogs would not make me as upset as they do, but they do.

If I live my life with the certainty that I will be included in my Master, then the last part of verse 21 will also become true.  The world (cosmos) will believe that my Master was sent with a purpose.  The purpose and intent of this inclusion is the eventual inclusion of others in this cosmos.  I am not supposed to be alone in this amazing impossible experience.  But, rather, as I experience and live this inclusion out daily, others see and believe, and hopefully enter into the inclusion as well.  Faith allows me entrance into Heaven, love enables me to bring friends.  So, once again, it isn’t really about me after all.  How surprising…or not.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 22nd.

The “Secret” of My Success

One fun element of my life is when I discover I am accidentally right.  So much of my life is shot from the hip that discovering I got something right is a fun diversion.  There are times I don’t guess, or take an educated guess about facts, and that’s not to what I’m referring.  What I’m talking about are those rare times I decide on a course of action, a direction, or even a restaurant and it turns out right.  The action was timely, the direction was where I needed to be, the restaurant had a short wait and great food.  I wish it happened more, and I have noticed that it has lately.

I have believed that, when my relationship with my Master is in good shape, I have a knack for making good decisions.  Obviously the qualifier makes it clear that the “intuitive” process is actually the Spirit of my Master connecting the dots for me out of sight in my unconscious mind.  He becomes the “wizard” behind the curtain, and really just as obvious.  It clearly can’t be me.  So, when Chambers uses Matthew 6:33, this verse makes a lot of sense to me.  This is my “secret for success.” 

In conversations, I give the impression that I’m smart, intentionally.  I also try to give the impression that I do a lot of thinking, probably more than is good for me.  But when it comes down to important stuff, the right word at the right time, hard decision, keen insight, stuff apart from random tidbits of useless knowledge, I’m not the one shining through.  I can’t be.  The real stuff in my life that is truly impressive and not fluff and show comes from my Master.  I get my best lines from Him.  I get my best insights from Him.  He makes me look real good, like a real good supporting actor.

At those times I try to appear smart, I doubt I’m really fooling anyone.  When I try to seem deep, my shallow self shows.  But when I am truly seeking the Kingdom, my King does the real stuff, and all my pretenses are lost in the reality of His action through me.  Then it becomes clear that I am a servant of the King, not the king.  It is my hope that I also appear to be a knight of the realm.  It is then that my true character marked by the presence and power of my Master truly shines through, and He is truly glorified in me.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 21st.

The Discipline of Being Loved

I once said that faith enables me to get into heaven, but love enables me to bring friends.  As I look at my life, I don’t see much of that love.  There is too much resentment and fear for love, way too much of the time.  I am improving, but I still struggle with keeping in mind how much my Master loves me.  When I’m in traffic, I am resentful of the other drivers who are in front of me, and choose to go slow.  When at work, I am resentful of customers who know me and call me for help, but spend their money with my teammates.  I have no right to resent anyone, not even my dogs.

Resentment in me stems from me, selfishness, self-centeredness, but mostly loss of focus.  Most of the time I resent, it is because I have lost focus on my Master and His voice.  When I focus on traffic, on getting to my destination as quickly as possible (within limits) I loose focus on my Master.  When I focus on making money (though yes, I am paid to focus on that) and think of my entitlement to it, I loose sight of my Master who provides even these sales.  I do not have the luxury to loose sight of, or focus on, my Master.  I don’t have the luxury to indulge in selfishness and self-centeredness either.

But when I focus on my Master, on His love for me which transcends imagination, then others in traffic, on phones, and at the end of the leash are again loveable.  They may be frustrating, I may not like what they do, but I can still love them, because I see what I do, and how my Master loves me.  This is one of the biggest reasons I start my prayers with “You love me.”  The other big reason is to work through the lie that I am not accepted.  When that lie springs up, I will tend toward resentment again.  I am already miserable at that point, resentment just puts icing on the cake (with fondant and flowers).

Focus on the love my Master has for me is a tremendous source of peace.  His Spirit then has the freedom within me to work His wonderful work and produce His fruit in me.  He brings forth evidence of His presence, and people wonder to look at me, knowing that it cannot be me.  Sure I can sound and appear intelligent, but only Jesus and His Spirit can bring out kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, peace, love, self-control, joy, and patience.  Those are not products of intelligence, but sure are more impressive.  The marvel of my Master’s work in me is the evidence those qualities provide of the truth of His presence and work.  Because if He will work in one such as me, then who would be unacceptable?  If He will take people like me, who would He exclude?  I have known Him and still rebelled.  What can be worse than having a personal relationship with the Master of the Universe, and rejecting Him as Master?  I have had all pretense and excuse removed.  I have no ground to stand on for my acceptability.  There is no reason, no excuse, no foundation for my acceptability within myself.  My acceptability is completely due to my Master choosing to accept me.  And that is love.

So who will I accept today who is unacceptable?  Will it be a cranky customer?  Will it be my manager?  Will it be my wife or daughter?  Or will it be the driver in front of me on the road who refuses to do what I clearly communicate to him telepathically?  Will I choose to accept without first requiring acceptability?  I know that when I focus on my Master, His love and acceptance of me, I can do that; I can accept someone without requiring them to earn that acceptance.  I’ve seen it happen.  I just want desperately for it to happen more.  Besides, I have a new quest, to let go of my desire to control what is not mine to control (mostly at work).  I can’t be bogged down by this issue.  I must focus on my Master, because I have some fears to work through, and I need to remember that He has my back.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 11th.

Vision Versus Ideal

I had never considered the difference, if any, between an ideal and a vision.  I would not ordinarily place them together I suppose.  When I think of something as an ideal, I think of the “best” that something could be, which I consider unrealistic or irrational.  When I think of a vision of something, I think of the way something could be which was given or imparted from someone or somewhere else.  A vision does not, in my mind, arise from within, but is given from someone else, shared.  In my mind, I have the choice to accept or reject a vision.

These are not the dictionary definitions of these terms, but they are close.  A vision does not require an external source, I just think of it that way.  So, Chambers differentiates them by one having a moral inspiration.  He says a vision has that moral element missing in an ideal.  I suppose that may be true in a very narrow sense of both words.  Used as they are today in business and other realms, vision seems now to have some sort of meaning beyond, or distanced from, moral.

Business seeks to come up with a “Vision Statement” in order to have some sort of direction.  I don’t hear anyone seeking an “Ideal Statement” to guide themselves or others.  But such statements of vision do not have to be moral in the sense that they are about right, wrong, good, evil, or even about God in any sense.  A church might seek such a statement, but business rarely would.  So, part of my understanding of vision is tainted from this use.  But part is from experience with my Master.

Vision is something I have had at times, and each time, it has come from my Master.  I never consider something from Him as an ideal.  An ideal has this sense of unobtainable perfection to it.  But for me it also derives from within me and my ability to imagine.  That is not a great source.  A vision from my Master on the other hand has the element of attainability because it’s fruition depends on His involvement.  Such a vision has a much better imagination and creativity as its source than any ideal.

So, I suppose I agree with Chambers here.  I would not have put them together, and I would not have compared them otherwise.  But I can see the need to do so.  I held an ideal in ministry that did me in.  I had unrealistic expectations which did not come from a vision from my Master.  In fact, much of the time I prayed for vision which did not come.  My ideals fostered illusions about people, and the process of being “disillusioned” was a painful one.  That is part of what caused my crushing depression after ministry.  The loss of illusions was a necessary part of my spiritual growth, but harsh to experience.  This process has been to demolish my ideals of my life with my Master.  I have some still.  When I recognize them for what they are, I can easily surrender them, remembering the pain the last ones caused.  But recognizing them is not easy.  I like to think they are all gone.

The work of my Master in me is not complete in this area, and perhaps today I will find another ideal lurking in the deep recesses of my mind.  They are like faulty programming which keeps causing errors, but only when certain programs are run.  I don’t use those much anymore, so I still have some to find.  I guess the process is working patiently and submissively with my Master to “debug” my mind and heart.  Perhaps He is really Pest Control exterminating bugs and rodents within me.  Fumigation here I come, pardon the smell.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 9th.

Ministering With a Different Focus

Today’s entry in MUFHH leads me to wonder if much of Chambers’ life he wondered why others had all this inspiration and he didn’t.  There have been so many entries with this theme: “Be after God, not the gift.”  Or perhaps in his daily routine with ministry students and church members he would continually run into this problem.  It is a problem for both sets.  It was a problem for me in ministry.  I wanted that bright light, that dramatic illumination which demonstrated God had spoken through me.

I had another problem as well, but I can’t tell if I was right or wrong.  I caught flak for it, but I may have had the right idea.  In my ministry, I referred to myself as a “bell-sheep” instead of a shepherd.  My point was that I wanted my fellow believers to follow, but not see me as the shepherd.  I wanted them to see Jesus that way.  The complaint I received from them was that they needed a shepherd not another sheep.  So, was I too soft on them?  Should I have been more severe and imposing?  I thought my preaching was pretty harsh sometimes.  In fact my wife asked me one Sunday if I even like them (the people).

I think that through much of my ministry, much of my life perhaps, I have been sad.  I suspect that, without knowing or being aware of it, I became disappointed.  Perhaps a better term might be disillusioned.  Although I also suspect that I kept my illusions, but was just unhappy they never seemed to materialize.  I know I’m not unique in that respect.  I hear about people running into that problem all the time, usually as things in their world change, and force them to change.  Some can’t change, most won’t.  Illusions are comforting things to keep around, but I don’t see Jesus burdened with any in His ministry.

The accounts I read of my Master are completely free of illusions He held.  There are times He is amazed at a lack of faith in one group or city, or the amount of faith in a Roman Centurion.  But I also think that He really wasn’t surprised as much as depressed or impressed by the expression.  He seemed to know where and when to perform a miracle, share a parable, and feed thousands.  He knew when to disperse crowds following Him, and when to call the weak and heavy-laden.  He operated without the illusions of good about people, and without the cynicism of illusions of evil about people.  To my Master people were sighted or blind, selfish or caring, humble or proud.  He worked with them where they were, knowing some were more open and some were not, yet sharing a meal with either.

Have I been so focused on results or feelings that I missed what my Master has been doing around me?  Have I been intimidated by some and only focused on the people who liked me, the safe ones?  Probably.  I used to blame others, complaining that I needed a mentor and could never find one.  I used to blame my Master saying that He had not brought me the right people; complaining about the ones He had brought.  How about going out and finding some other people?  That wouldn’t have killed me.  When I was in ministry, there were a lot of issues going on in my life.  But of all the issues, the one at the center of all the others was a fear which was a failure of faith.  I was afraid to have nothing on a Sunday.  I was afraid that God would not show up.  I was afraid of being left without being able to meet the expectations of my congregation.  I was afraid that my Master did not have my back.  I was afraid He did not really love me (I was too sinful).  I was afraid to be at His service.  I was afraid to love.

But my Master still showed me the people.  I still saw their need, their struggles, their weaknesses, and their strengths.  I still was able to perceive where they needed my Master and where He had already been at work.  I could still see those things, I was just too afraid to engage with them at those points.  I want something different.  I want a group where the first statements of my prayers become a core of the group; “You love us, You have our back, and we are at Your service.”  I want to be a part of a group focused on our Master, declaring in faith that we are loved, we are protected, and we are available.  Is this something I will find in another state?  I don’t know.  But I believe I have found something for which to hope.  Today is Sunday, and I go to a church where I have not experienced this to the degree I have wanted.  On the other hand this is the church where I attended as my Master led me into these statements, and grew my faith.  Truly all things are possible with my Master.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 1st.

Living Through a Saturday of ‘Tweens

It is the Saturday between the crucifixion and the resurrection.  For some reason today seems detached from the season.  But on the other hand, there are things out of kilter, and askew.  Emotionally, there is stress in the household, and I’m not sure why.  There are things that would explain it, but no one thing justifies the emotional tension.  So, the entry in MUFHH for today seems almost far away in application, at least on the surface.

1 Corinthians 3:9 is normally translated as “We are laborers together with God…” but this preposition is both missing, and in the wrong case.  This case is either called the genitive or ablative case.  The normal use of it is possessive, and would otherwise use the preposition “of”, as in “…of God” or …”of Paul” and flows well into English in that possessive sense.  When the preposition is “with” there is a very different case; the dative case, normally used, and refers to the indirect object and/or subordinate clauses of various sorts denoting close relationship like on, with, among, within, in, and so on.  So, the basic translation of this phrase in 1 Corinthians 3:9 might also read, “Of God we are laborers together…” with the corresponding ranges of meaning.  For instance it could mean that Paul and his crew labor along with the Corinthian believers and they all belong to God.

As my wife is so quick to ask, “so what?”  Well, that’s a good question.  The basic element of Chamber’s position remains, and the understanding with which I ended the last paragraph would support his position even more strongly.  I believe that what is happening in my household is a loss of focus on what my Master is doing through us.  This season marks the most amazing event since the incarnation!  And yet we seem stuck on the fickleness of dogs, outbursts of emotional children, noisy neighbors, and stairs.  The greater reality of the season flies by and we are missing it.  How can there be something more important than the action of the Creator of the universe on our behalf?  This is the drama of all drama’s.  This supersedes all other events in history, and marks the cornerstone of human relations with our Maker.  Everything else in life stems from this event, and we focus on the problems played out in 900 square feet of space.

As Chambers pointed out so well, this leads to burn out.  And so it does, and is.  And it is very timely burnout.  This burnout serves to distract from what is happening, being celebrated, and what is true about this season.  The day is flying by, and microwave ovens or cupcakes are no substitute for a focus on a grave, soon to be empty.  And yet it continues to fly by.

Tonight there is a “party” for the employees at my work location.  We celebrate and dance, drink and eat, enjoy each other’s company outside of work, and see the “significant others” talked about at work.  It seems strange to hold this party just now.  But an international corporation would be expected to have no idea of the portents of the season.  And this one seems more interested in public opinion of the wealthy liberal view point (shared with Europe perhaps?) than with any sort of Christian view point.  This is the group partying tonight.

So, I will go, but it will be a surreal experience at best.  What I hope is that it will also be an opportunity to shine in darkness for my Master.  The darkness of the day is part the darkness of a tomb.  Today, evil celebrates the death of my Master.  In this darkness, it seems as if all the evils of All Hallows Eve rage under the surface of a normal Saturday.  Yet even under that under-current of wickedness flows a powerful river of life ready to surge forth from a dark tomb.  I wait for it anxiously.  The earthquake, the bolt of thunder, the angel, the guards, the women on their way, all witness as the Maker of Life lives again.  I wait in the dew-covered grass in a garden, outside a guarded sealed tomb, restless and unable to sit still.  I feel the energy surging through the ground, it’s coming.  Sunday is coming.  I tremble.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": April 23rd.

Have I Seen My Master?

Chambers has once again plowed directly through that defining characteristic of Paul I find so frustratingly obvious.  Paul’s clear focus on nothing but Jesus is unmistakable.  At least that is the characteristic which makes it into the Christian Scriptures.  That may not be the whole story, but I don’t have the whole story.  So I am left with that part of it which my Master decided to preserve.  And I am challenged at a point where I would really like to make excuses, but can’t.

I am a theologian, not in the sense that I am a scholar, but in the sense that I spend time and energy in consideration of God, and write about it.  I produce a “word about God” which is what theology means.  Now, fortunately, theology carries no requirement in it that the word be accurate, at least not any more than any other –ology.  My words about God are as accurate as I can make them from my limited perspective and experience (for instance I have not actually been to heaven to interview Him and observe His daily routine, if He even has one).  Being a theologian is one of the characteristics that removes a lot of excuses I wish I had for the stupid stuff on which I focus my life.  Paul was also a theologian, but a more successful one, in that his “literary agent” was the Almighty God, Creator of Heaven and Earth.  Paul’s words are said to be inspired by my Master, mine are simply about my Master.  So, I am trumped quite thoroughly.

I wanted to establish that very obvious point because I am responsible for what I have been given by my Master.  Part of what I have been given is this theological approach within my relationship with Him.  In other words, I have been given an aspect of this relationship which runs parallel to other ways of relating to my Master, like church participation, prayer, Bible reading, and so on.  Like teaching, this additional aspect carries responsibilities, and I will be held accountable for them.  One of the primary responsibilities of any theologian is to actually write something about God, rather than write something about writing something about God.  If you read back over some of my previous entries, you might find this trend of not speaking about God as much as speaking about speaking about God.  I have become one step removed from what my focus should be.

Can any subject be better and more worthy that the One responsible for the Universe?  I look at the skies in the evening wondering if tonight is a night to put up my telescope.  I love looking at His creation in this way.  Yet I spend more time thinking about the creation than the creator.  I do not focus on my Master as I should.  I remain one layer removed.

Jesus is the Eternal Son of the Father, the Agent of creation, the Prince of a Peace which defies human wisdom.  The activity of the Son on behalf of the Father is one of redeeming from the penalty of eternal separation from God, rebellious created beings.  This Jesus has accomplished this and continues to complete it through the agency of His Spirit, distinguishable from my own spirit, in that His is supremely Holy.  The action He has taken is to willingly and purposely sacrifice Himself when He had nothing for which to atone.  This sacrifice took on the penalty awarded to the rebellious creatures.  So, the Eternal Son endured separation from the Father and Holy Spirit on behalf of those who despised Him.  But His work did not end.  He also experienced a rejuvenation, where the separation from the Father was overcome by the Father, and the Eternal Son was restored to the Father and Spirit.  God obtained victory on behalf of His rebellious human creatures through this complete redemption.  And now, having accomplished this impossible task, He endures endless acts of rejection to invite all, and welcome any who accept this amazing, incomprehensible gift.

Knowing this, I complain about my day at work.  Do you see the problem now?  What am I thinking to lower my call to a word about my day instead a word about my Master?  All of my weaknesses, problems, and irritations can be summed up in the loss of focus on my Master, and my focus instead on the silly things which surround me.  I am one who has accepted the invitation from my Master.  What else really matters?

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": April 2nd.

Curly's Secret to Life: Just One Thing

In the movie, City Slickers, the old crusty dangerous trail boss, Curly, has a secret to life: "One thing, you figure out what that is, and all the rest don't mean..." well, that's why the movie was PG, not G.  Anyway, Paul has a similar philosophy, but he discloses what that "one thing" is supposed to be.  In 2 Corinthians 5:9 my familiar ministry buddy, Paul says that we strive with gusto to be pleasing to our Master.  First off, context that provides the motivation is the knowledge and preference to be before the throne of the Master, in other words, we're all going to die.  Second, the response is an intensified form of just striving, or having a goal in mind.  Whether alive or gone on to heaven, we want to be pleasing to our Master, so says Paul.

This sounds great, but once again, my buddy Paul refuses to support the model of ministry I pursued.  Because of my weakened self perception (not one of total acceptability through the grace of my Master) I sought to prop that self-perception with the praise of people.  People at a church, any church, are not the best place to find such a prop.  This is espcially true for the one out in front, leading through this life with our Master.  For whatevery reason, the one in this position really become a target for derision rather than a beacon of hope or something else positive.  There are plenty of examples of this, one of my favorite is Moses, who is constantly providing both his Master and his people reminders that he is an imperfect human leader.  While the people of Israel may praise him now, and sing his acolades in every synagogue around the globe today, they had a real problem following him in the wilderness.  Proof after proof was provided, and still they challenged his leadership or fitness to lead.  Tough gig.

In my attempt to lead, my focus left the one Paul describes.  If I had sought only to be pleasing to my Master, not trying to be "accepted" but pleasing to Him, there would have been a lot I would have done differently.  My attitude sure would have been different.  And I did try this over and over.  I did seek to acquire and live out this attitude of being accepted already, just trying to please Him, but I could not disconnect pleasing Him from being acceptable.  I still sought to earn a place before Him, having already been freely given that place, and called to walk about in it.  So, the pain and shame I felt from not accepting that I was already accepted I medicated with my favorite smelly dog-toy of a habbit.  The habbit fed my shame, and this cycle kept me from really being a pastor that these people needed.  I have no idea if I could have made a difference in their lives, but I do know that the experience would have been very different for me.  My pain at their rejection would not have devestated me as it did.  My shame at failing at my calling would not have kept me from it for so long, or at all.  I may not have left in the first place.  I don't know what specifically would have been different, and not much good can come of guessing, I just know that it would have been different.

So what about now?  Now I still have the challenge to make pleasing Jesus my "one thing."  I still can, this morning, change from pleasing whoever for whatever reason to pleasing only my Master for the amazing gift of already being accepted as I am.  I can't change or even make up for mistakes of focus in the past.  But I can change today.  Even with the mistakes in the past, I am still accepted today.  That lack of focus because of a perceived lack of acceptance did not negate my acceptability before my Master.  Can you accept that?  I think I can, but it is a real stretch of my imagination.  It will take practice, and I should begin (or continue) today.  Who cares what others think except the Other who is my Master?  If He ain't happy, don't much matter who else might be.  If I can't focus on pleasing Him, then there is really no point to trying to please others.  Well, now it's time to exercise this body to the tune of 20 minutes with Jillian Michaels.  But I don't have to meet her expectations or those of my wife and daughter, only my Master.  He will accept me regardless of how strong my body is or how dedicated I might be to some physical regemine.  But here I go anyway.