Not Just Fearless, Regardless

But Peter and the apostles answered, "We must obey God rather than men. The God of our fathers raised up Jesus, whom you had put to death by hanging Him on a cross.  He is the one whom God exalted to His right hand as a Prince and a Savior, to grant repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.  And we are witnesses of these things; and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey Him."

But when they heard this, they were cut to the quick and intended to kill them. (Acts 5:29-33 NASB)

First off, I did well yesterday in spite of the loneliness.  I faced it, but my Master gave me the strength to continue.  It didn't hurt that the job was busy beyond belief though.  Today is a new day, and I will succeed today as yesterday, in the strength of my Master.

Now, about these crazy apostles speaking to the assembly of the elders of Israel; are they NUTS?  So, as it says, the apostles were jailed and brought before the assembly.  This means that the collective memory of Jesus' ministry, teachings, actions, and sayings was standing in defiance to a group intent to kill them.  This is possibly the closest the early church came to extinction (at least as recorded in Acts).  They may have known this, but they seem to be oblivious.

How do they do that?  Some how, they arrived at the clear delineation of what constitutes their problem, and what problems belong to the Master.  This particular problem (facing boldly those who would kill them) was something they saw as belonging to the Master.  So, they didn't worry about it.  How simple!  How so crystal clear! How easy!  Easy?  I would love to say that I am often distracted by the wind and waves as my Master calls me out of the boat to walk on water; I'd love to be able to claim that.  Unfortunately, I'm often distracted by ripples and refracted light on the water.  To be able to stand with the assurance that all I need to do is obey, and the results (including my demise) are not my problem, that sort of focus I cannot claim.

Notice that this is not one of those places where the speakers are described as "filled with the Holy Spirit", just together.  They just were confident, bold, and totally in danger.  Or were they in danger?  Perhaps these twelve men saw their circumstances more clearly that I am.  Sure, on the surface the refracted light and ripples might indicate that they are close to the demise of the "Way".  But the teacher who stands and dissuades the assembly makes a good point, "... for if this plan or action is of men, it will be overthrown; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them; or else you may even be found fighting against God."

It is possible that the minor distractions of death and failure masked the reality of God standing to defend them.  After all, earlier it was the Angel of the Lord leading them out of the jail and commanding them to go into the temple and teach once more.  If God can rescue them while completely guarded by their enemies, was the movement truly in any danger?  They suffered a flogging, but was there really any possibility they might be killed?  Their protection and the sustaining of the Way were not their problems to solve.

How can I gain this assurance, this perspective?  The need isn't for a change in attitude, but a vastly different world view; one that clearly understands and lives out the things that are my responsibility.  I suspect that my distraction with those things that are not my responsibility are excuses for not accomplishing the things that are; as if I were distracted by "loftier things".  I need that view or perspective that sees only what is mine, and is able to leave my Master's things alone.  Perhaps it's time for some mental filing.  Let me gather my mental manilla folders.  This should "de-clutter" the old brain.

Ministering With a Different Focus

Today’s entry in MUFHH leads me to wonder if much of Chambers’ life he wondered why others had all this inspiration and he didn’t.  There have been so many entries with this theme: “Be after God, not the gift.”  Or perhaps in his daily routine with ministry students and church members he would continually run into this problem.  It is a problem for both sets.  It was a problem for me in ministry.  I wanted that bright light, that dramatic illumination which demonstrated God had spoken through me.

I had another problem as well, but I can’t tell if I was right or wrong.  I caught flak for it, but I may have had the right idea.  In my ministry, I referred to myself as a “bell-sheep” instead of a shepherd.  My point was that I wanted my fellow believers to follow, but not see me as the shepherd.  I wanted them to see Jesus that way.  The complaint I received from them was that they needed a shepherd not another sheep.  So, was I too soft on them?  Should I have been more severe and imposing?  I thought my preaching was pretty harsh sometimes.  In fact my wife asked me one Sunday if I even like them (the people).

I think that through much of my ministry, much of my life perhaps, I have been sad.  I suspect that, without knowing or being aware of it, I became disappointed.  Perhaps a better term might be disillusioned.  Although I also suspect that I kept my illusions, but was just unhappy they never seemed to materialize.  I know I’m not unique in that respect.  I hear about people running into that problem all the time, usually as things in their world change, and force them to change.  Some can’t change, most won’t.  Illusions are comforting things to keep around, but I don’t see Jesus burdened with any in His ministry.

The accounts I read of my Master are completely free of illusions He held.  There are times He is amazed at a lack of faith in one group or city, or the amount of faith in a Roman Centurion.  But I also think that He really wasn’t surprised as much as depressed or impressed by the expression.  He seemed to know where and when to perform a miracle, share a parable, and feed thousands.  He knew when to disperse crowds following Him, and when to call the weak and heavy-laden.  He operated without the illusions of good about people, and without the cynicism of illusions of evil about people.  To my Master people were sighted or blind, selfish or caring, humble or proud.  He worked with them where they were, knowing some were more open and some were not, yet sharing a meal with either.

Have I been so focused on results or feelings that I missed what my Master has been doing around me?  Have I been intimidated by some and only focused on the people who liked me, the safe ones?  Probably.  I used to blame others, complaining that I needed a mentor and could never find one.  I used to blame my Master saying that He had not brought me the right people; complaining about the ones He had brought.  How about going out and finding some other people?  That wouldn’t have killed me.  When I was in ministry, there were a lot of issues going on in my life.  But of all the issues, the one at the center of all the others was a fear which was a failure of faith.  I was afraid to have nothing on a Sunday.  I was afraid that God would not show up.  I was afraid of being left without being able to meet the expectations of my congregation.  I was afraid that my Master did not have my back.  I was afraid He did not really love me (I was too sinful).  I was afraid to be at His service.  I was afraid to love.

But my Master still showed me the people.  I still saw their need, their struggles, their weaknesses, and their strengths.  I still was able to perceive where they needed my Master and where He had already been at work.  I could still see those things, I was just too afraid to engage with them at those points.  I want something different.  I want a group where the first statements of my prayers become a core of the group; “You love us, You have our back, and we are at Your service.”  I want to be a part of a group focused on our Master, declaring in faith that we are loved, we are protected, and we are available.  Is this something I will find in another state?  I don’t know.  But I believe I have found something for which to hope.  Today is Sunday, and I go to a church where I have not experienced this to the degree I have wanted.  On the other hand this is the church where I attended as my Master led me into these statements, and grew my faith.  Truly all things are possible with my Master.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 1st.

The Yoke's On... Me?

Today should my last entry using my phone for a while. The move is complete and we are apartment dwellers for a time. In this next stage, we transition to another state to care for some aging family. We hope to be there by July, but truly only my Master really knows.

Speaking of my Master, the One leading my family on this journey of stages, I find today His timing is ironic. Today Chambers uses the reference I mentioned yesterday about sharing the yoke of Jesus. The reference Chambers uses is in Matthew 11:29. Jesus calls the weak and weary to come to Him for rest, because His yoke is easy and His burden light.

It's only my Master Who could call the weak and weary to share a yoke in order to receive rest for the soul. Sure, the burden is light, the yoke is easy...for Him! But how will it feel to the weak and weary humanity? I have no worries that it will seem to be non-existent. I know it will seem that way. With the Creator of the universe, Maker of matter, pulling alongside, how can it be otherwise? What sort of weight would I feel next to His power and might?

I think of the image of a small dog working furiously to pull a sled, feet dangling off the ground, as the lead Husky pulls the weight of the sled easily along. That small dog sees the progress and is excited at his success, but also impatient he can't speed it up. The illusion of control and ability is possible when unequally yoked with my Master. But the reality sets in soon enough. I am enjoying a sense of that reality now. The house is empty and the work to clear it is done. My wife worked, my friends worked, and my burden seemed light (although my muscles are sore). It was the might of my Master that achieved the result, and the people He worked through were extensions of His might.

The burden of my Master pulled along by our shared yoke (actually His yoke I am invited to share) may include the weight of the world, but One making the very stars and the worlds revolving around them, pulls along with me. I can move through the cares and needs and not be crushed because I do not move alone. I can face economic and ecological disaster with assurance that my Master pulls the massive weight of it. I am free to engage without being overwhelmed. The need on my part is to engage, without fear, in the needs of this world. I will begin this day by engaging the needs around me in prayer, then in person. Pardon me while I strap on the yoke and get busy. My Master calls.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": April 14th.

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