You Were Serious About That?

"Thus says the LORD of hosts, 'I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he set himself against him on the way while he was coming up from Egypt.  Now go and strike Amalek and utterly destroy all that he has, and do not spare him; but put to death both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.'" (1 Samuel 15:2 NASB)

But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and all that was good, and were not willing to destroy them utterly; but everything despised and worthless, that they utterly destroyed.  Then the word of the LORD came to Samuel, saying,  11 "I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following Me and has not carried out My commands." And Samuel was distressed and cried out to the LORD all night. (1 Samuel 15:9-11 NASB)

There are several things here on which I could spend several entries. This is one of the richest chapters for theology and life with my Master in Scripture.  But one in particular is one I have been quick to judge and slow to really appreciate.  Because of that, I have missed that I make the same mistake Saul and the people make.

Essentially God gives a command that was not carried out during the time Israel was in the desert and coming into Canaan.  Since the Amalekites weren't destroyed in the desert, they continued to harass the people after they entered the land.  They would sweep in, plunder, and sweep back out again.  Rather than produce anything other than sheep and goats in the desert, they stole from other nations who had farming.

In chapter 14, they are referred to as the ones plundering Israel.  So consider what the people find when they attack Amalek.  They find all sorts of things, some which they may have owned at one time.  This has to incite anger.  In obedience, they devote most of it to God; but in disobedience they keep the best, they plunder the ones having plundered them.  They intend to bring it back and offer it in sacrifice to God, so they'll use in worship, and that should make up for having kept it.

The problem is that in sacrifice of the type they describe, the people share in the sacrifice, it's not wholly consumed in the fire.  They intend to share with God what they plundered, even give Him the good parts, but not all of it.  God required all of it.  In fact it was supposed to be considered so holy, no one was to touch it at all, but it was to be completely destroyed in place.  No herding, no trading, and certainly no eating.

Would it have seemed a waste to them?  Would it have seemed "excessive" to them?  Would it have seemed unreasonable to them?  It probably would have to people today.  In fact, I believe such a sin is committed by people professing faith in Jesus today, in church, all the time.  We tend to have a dysfunctional concept of holiness today.  This dysfunctional holiness means we find it easy to disobey.  The two go hand-in-hand.

My last entry was about being terrified of my Master.  This terror, I claim, leads to obedience.  I believe this is true partly because the wrath of God punctuates His holiness.  He is 'other' than us, inexplicable, powerful beyond measure, and with unimaginable thoughts and reasoning.  We cannot see from His perspective unless He shows us a part of it.  All we have of Him is what He shares with us, and those parts are pretty peculiar, and sometimes very scary.

But when believers, such as myself, make the Master of the universe a warm fuzzy 'nice guy', or loving kind sweet old man, we've set up an idol of our own making.  This idol we can disobey, this idol looks a lot like the god of the world, the god of atheism, the god projected out of the sinful selfishness of frail faulty human creatures.  This is not the same as the God having spoken the universe into existence. 

To the degree that this sort of distorted image of God exists in our minds, we are able to easily disregard certain rules asked of us by God.  Certain Scriptures can be taken lightly or ignored all together.  But there is a price for such a profane view of the Master of galaxies and quarks.

It is not easy, once having setup such an idol, to then go back and change it.  We set expectations of continued comfort when we begin with such an idol.  I have.  When I realize what I've done and try to change it, it get's thrown back in my face.  My failures, my mistakes, and sin are dredged up, and shown to me for what they are.  So how then can I judge who have done the same things?  How can I teach Scripture who have lived my life deviated from the teachings of Scripture?

I can be honest about both the failures and the consequences, the most common of which is the dredging up and resulting shame.  It's both a failure and a consequence (you have to love a double whammy like that).  The reality is that I have to teach that Scripture reveals that God does not tolerate fornication; but that I have been guilty of it, and have paid a price for it (and will continue to pay I'm sure).  I have to teach that God reveals through Scripture that He desires me to be a good diligent worker; but I am guilty of poor work quality, and sometimes really struggle with giving a good days work for a days pay.

It's not excusable that others do the same thing. It's not okay that I'm not alone in this.  Those are the same things said by Saul.  He blamed the people, but he was their leader.  It was on him to lead well and in obedience.  I'm not a king (thank you, my Master, for that!), but to the extent that I have leadership responsibilities, I too have the responsibility to lead people in obedience.  I must teach the truth of Scripture, not just the comfortable ones I like and I know others will like, but all of them.  And I must do so, knowing and owning that I am a "law breaker" just as all the rest.

So the answer is to worship my Master as holy and powerful beyond measure.  A certain degree of absolute terror is in order.  To honor Him in Scripture is to consider Him 'heavy', His words 'weighty', and in practice, myself as crushed by His presence and His words.

Now, the obvious error here is to run to the other direction and become so focused on the "laws" of Scripture that I judge on legalistic grounds.  What Scripture also teaches is that the holiness of my Master is transferred by Him to me.  I don't get it by working for it, as part of His grace, He gives it.  He is able to transform the ignoble, the common, and the profane into objects and acts of holiness.  So, He can use my failures to redeem others.  I can become an example of His grace and redemption as people see what I was and what He has made me. 

I can't be as I was and expect Him to use me.  In fact, in the example of Saul, it was his unwillingness to change that brought on his eventual rejection by God.  So, even then he was used by God, but as a bad example.  God redeemed Saul's mistakes within His divine purpose, but the man was lost.  So my failure to submit to my Master's commands will not thwart my Master, but may thwart my usefulness in His Kingdom.  In fact it has.  The continued submission to my addiction meant that I have been sidelined from ministry.  As I have emerged from this idolatrous submission to my selfish passions, He is able to use me more.  Yet His use of me always has the requirement to own that life I lived, and the different life I live now; as long as it is different.

So, today, I will walk as a crushed man before my Master.  I will walk as an example of His grace and mercy, and also His wrath.  I will live my life with the understanding that my life is not really mine and never has been.  I will obey partly out of fear of Who I obey and the consequences of disobedience.  And I will teach what He reveals to me in Scripture, owning my own failures to live it out, but striving to obey.

Post-Failure Procedures

Samuel said to the people, "Do not fear. You have committed all this evil, yet do not turn aside from following the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. (1 Samuel 12:20 NASB)

 I messed up the same way for so long, I seriously wondered if my Master even still knew my name.  I was struggling with the same stupid stuff over and over, and even still, now and again, it comes back to haunt me.  How much sin is too much for my Master before He rejects me?

Well, when I stumbled on this verse in 1 Samuel, my heart seized it in excitement.  Here is something I can go back to, over and over even.  The reason it excited me was because each time I failed (again), I would wonder, "What now?"  As if I'm the prodigal son who thought after messing up, he couldn't go home.  But that is pride, a lever used by my enemy to create a wedge between my Master and me.

Once Samuel had demonstrated that He and their God were on the same page (thunder and rain to prove it), they were terrified of God because they had made this mistake of asking for a king.  This verse is Samuel's response to them, and my Master's to me.  The answer to the question, "What do I do now?" after failing my Master is to serve my Master with all my heart.

Perhaps revisiting "heart" here might be a good idea.  In our culture or society, heart means the center of the emotions.  In that culture/society, it means the center of a person's determination and stamina; perhaps we'd call it "focus", but with staying power.  So, to serve my Master with all my heart means to serve Him with all my determination and stamina.  How far can I run without collapse in a heap of gasping and wheezing?  That's how far and to what extent I serve my Master; until I have nothing left.  Think "Brock Kelly and his 100-yard death crawl" in Facing the Giants.

It's nice to have an answer, also good to have some understanding of what it means in general, but what does it mean specifically?  That may be a personal thing where for each person, the answer is different.  For me, the answer is manifold: Family, Work, Church, and my Community.  These are the venues in which the answer is lived out. 

It's not enough to "love my family" but that love is lived out in service to my Master.  It's not enough to "show up to work" but that presence is to be a conduit for the grace and love of my Master into those I work with, for, and on.  It's not enough that I "attend church", I am to roll up my sleeves and serve my fellows and serve with them.  It's not enough that I am "in the community", I am to engage with my neighbors, my community leaders, and always bring the light of my Master into every conversation.

So, for me, that is what it means to serve my Master with all my heart.  What does it mean for you?  While you're working over that thought, I have to ready myself to serve my Master at my job.  Blessings upon you!

Ministering With a Different Focus

Today’s entry in MUFHH leads me to wonder if much of Chambers’ life he wondered why others had all this inspiration and he didn’t.  There have been so many entries with this theme: “Be after God, not the gift.”  Or perhaps in his daily routine with ministry students and church members he would continually run into this problem.  It is a problem for both sets.  It was a problem for me in ministry.  I wanted that bright light, that dramatic illumination which demonstrated God had spoken through me.

I had another problem as well, but I can’t tell if I was right or wrong.  I caught flak for it, but I may have had the right idea.  In my ministry, I referred to myself as a “bell-sheep” instead of a shepherd.  My point was that I wanted my fellow believers to follow, but not see me as the shepherd.  I wanted them to see Jesus that way.  The complaint I received from them was that they needed a shepherd not another sheep.  So, was I too soft on them?  Should I have been more severe and imposing?  I thought my preaching was pretty harsh sometimes.  In fact my wife asked me one Sunday if I even like them (the people).

I think that through much of my ministry, much of my life perhaps, I have been sad.  I suspect that, without knowing or being aware of it, I became disappointed.  Perhaps a better term might be disillusioned.  Although I also suspect that I kept my illusions, but was just unhappy they never seemed to materialize.  I know I’m not unique in that respect.  I hear about people running into that problem all the time, usually as things in their world change, and force them to change.  Some can’t change, most won’t.  Illusions are comforting things to keep around, but I don’t see Jesus burdened with any in His ministry.

The accounts I read of my Master are completely free of illusions He held.  There are times He is amazed at a lack of faith in one group or city, or the amount of faith in a Roman Centurion.  But I also think that He really wasn’t surprised as much as depressed or impressed by the expression.  He seemed to know where and when to perform a miracle, share a parable, and feed thousands.  He knew when to disperse crowds following Him, and when to call the weak and heavy-laden.  He operated without the illusions of good about people, and without the cynicism of illusions of evil about people.  To my Master people were sighted or blind, selfish or caring, humble or proud.  He worked with them where they were, knowing some were more open and some were not, yet sharing a meal with either.

Have I been so focused on results or feelings that I missed what my Master has been doing around me?  Have I been intimidated by some and only focused on the people who liked me, the safe ones?  Probably.  I used to blame others, complaining that I needed a mentor and could never find one.  I used to blame my Master saying that He had not brought me the right people; complaining about the ones He had brought.  How about going out and finding some other people?  That wouldn’t have killed me.  When I was in ministry, there were a lot of issues going on in my life.  But of all the issues, the one at the center of all the others was a fear which was a failure of faith.  I was afraid to have nothing on a Sunday.  I was afraid that God would not show up.  I was afraid of being left without being able to meet the expectations of my congregation.  I was afraid that my Master did not have my back.  I was afraid He did not really love me (I was too sinful).  I was afraid to be at His service.  I was afraid to love.

But my Master still showed me the people.  I still saw their need, their struggles, their weaknesses, and their strengths.  I still was able to perceive where they needed my Master and where He had already been at work.  I could still see those things, I was just too afraid to engage with them at those points.  I want something different.  I want a group where the first statements of my prayers become a core of the group; “You love us, You have our back, and we are at Your service.”  I want to be a part of a group focused on our Master, declaring in faith that we are loved, we are protected, and we are available.  Is this something I will find in another state?  I don’t know.  But I believe I have found something for which to hope.  Today is Sunday, and I go to a church where I have not experienced this to the degree I have wanted.  On the other hand this is the church where I attended as my Master led me into these statements, and grew my faith.  Truly all things are possible with my Master.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 1st.

The Love In My Life

Yesterday, my wife and I performed a wedding ceremony together.  It was our first time ever doing one together.  It was my first one in over 10 years.  In the ceremony, the description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a is used, which is very common.  Today, the entry from Chambers uses this same passage.  He could have focused on many different facets of this passage, but he focused on a characteristic of this love, not found here, but rather alluded to in Galatians 5:22.

Spontaneity as a quality of love is what my wife has always wanted me to have with her (all you husbands out there know what I mean).  But in the sense Chambers uses the term, he means it’s not something achieved by determined effort, but rather noticeable as I look back.  Then I see that I was loving, kind, not boastful, not proud, enduring all sorts of things, and so on.  By looking back over the path down which I’ve been led, I see where I have become more like my Master.  I wish I would see more of those places, but I see more now than I have for many years.

Love, as Paul describes it in the letter to the Corinthians, is the greatest gift of the Spirit of my Master.  Paul is quick to point out how much superior it is to tongues, prophecy, and knowledge specifically.  He points out how love is not arrogant or self-inflated, which was the result of the afore mentioned gifts in the Corinthian Church.  Paul is trying very diligently to help the church in Corinth see the answer to their problems is a deeper devotion and submission to Jesus, and less of a self-focus.  In that city, everyone seeks to climb higher, faster, with more money and affluence, and they all want the attention of everyone else (sort of like Hollywood today). 

This answer to problems, my problems is true for me today.  When I submit my moments to Jesus, I will be surprised when I look back, to see where His qualities have shown through my own.  When I focus on my Master instead of myself, I will experience something that I will be unable to notice in the present, but only as I look back over into the past to this time, just as Chambers said.  I have experienced that.  I do today.  Today, though I also see where my cynical response to traffic in the car with my daughter yesterday was reflected back to me this morning.  It is a poignant reminder of the frailty of my character, and the importance of further devotion to my Master.  It’s not just my life being affected, but that of my daughter.  I am teaching her improper responses to whatever does not go her way in her timing.  I need to show her differently.

So, faith, hope, and love remain, these three, but the greatest of these is love.  As I have said in a couple of sermons, faith will get me into heaven, but love enables me to bring friends.  Hope forms the foundation of faith, faith creates the safe space to love, and love is the evidence of my Master’s work in me.  I guess I have some devoting and focusing to do.  I hope I will look back over today, and see the marks of my Master’s love.  I believe He will make it so.

http://www.myutmost.org/04/0430.html

Where Is the Evidence of My Devotion?

Once again Paul confounds the boundaries of my willingness to be abandoned to Jesus.  He holds nothing back; even for those who frustrate and hurt him.  In 2 Corinthians 12:15 he speaks as a parent regarding children and says that he is willing to be completely spent for them.  These children spoke poorly of him after he worked diligently for years in their midst.  They followed false leaders after he demonstrated godly leadership.  They listened to and upheld false teachers after he had taught the words and life of Jesus and the Scriptures.  They permitted sin in their midst after he had taught them to be transformed in their lifestyles.  They quarrelled among themselves over these differences and about the false leaders and sinful members, often both sides against Paul and for some poor example of Jesus.  These he loved more.

I spent several years working with two congregations.  I was held to task for my lack of energy in my preaching, lack of visiting the wayward church members, lack of ability to keep people from leaving the church, failure to use the King James Bible exclusively, and not preaching evangelistic sermons to people professing to be saved.  I was blamed for anything anyone was dissatisfied with about the church.  It was all my fault.  Rather than answer these accusations publically as I had already done privately, my response to these was to speak publicly to each one about what I saw in them that I really loved and why I appreciated them.  All I got in response was silence or repeated accusations.  So, I left.

Did I fail to love them and spend myself completely out for them?  Did I fail them and my Master because I did not remain and continue in the face of their ill treatment of me, failure to understand me, constant gossip, back-biting, and stirring up strife?  Was I failing them in my devotion to Jesus, even if not in the ways they were complaining about?  Would I, were I more completely sold out to Jesus, have had more to spend on their behalf?  Or perhaps, I was right in my assessment that they could no longer hear God with me as a distraction, and needed to leave.  But was I right to leave the ministry completely, never to return?  The blame for my decision I have always laid at their feet.  Was that right, or was it my lack of devotion to my Master that held me out of position of under-shepherd?  Was my fear for my own personal emotional safety and that of my family what drove me to stand apart from that calling? 

I must admit that I never have come close to making up in my body what was lacking in the suffering of Christ.  I have never approached being content in every circumstance, whether lack or plenty.  I have no beatings, jailings, or life-threatening events that I can boast about (at least not in response to anything other than my own stupidity).  I have been treated poorly, thought poorly of by my peers, and humiliated growing up as have a bunch of other kids.  But never for my faith.  Is this a mark of lack of devotion to my Master?

So, througout my childhood, whether in the classroom, playground, home, or neighborhood, there are no examples of suffering for my Master.  As I passed into adulthood, through military service, college, even in the changing from the major direction favored by family to one I was confident was favored by God, even in this I can find no real suffering.  That is not to say that some of these times in my life did not contain examples of the cost of my faith, but the cost was not to a level of sacrifice on my part.  More often whatever cost I paid for my faith was more a cost related to the normal cost of growing up among fallen people.  They were the costs paid by everyone whether they followed Jesus or not.

So what does this say about my devotion to Jesus?  Am I so reluctant to be spent on behalf of church-people that I demonstrate no devotion to my Master?  Am I so devoid of sacrifice that there is no evidence that Jesus is truly my Master?  What proof do I have in my life that there is really any substance to what I claim to believe?

Perhaps the only proof I have has nothing, or little to do with me at all.  After inventorying all the vacancies in my life, I still stand before Jesus and He still calls me to walk before Him.  This inventory of failure only points out that I live and breathe by grace and not by any achievement on my part.  The elements of my life show that I have not earned any standing before my Master, and that whatever standing I do have is entirely due to His sovereign design and decision.  For I can easily point to my failures and how, in every stage of my life, I have failed to sacrifice myself for my Master.  But I can also declare to all that, in spite of all that, I am still accepted before my Master and called to walk before Him.  In a sense, I am like one of those pictures drawn by a child with little resemblence to reality, drawn with a wide brush or gaudy crayon, which is proudly displayed by a pleased father for all to see.  I wonder if there are other goofy pictures like me stuck with magnets to His fridge.  Knowing what I do about God, we are probably like wallpaper all over every side of it.

As if I Had Too Little to Worry About

I used to have a youth minister who had a favorite saying, "You can choose to be a good witness or a bad witness, but everyone is a witness."  So, I work around several people who do not believe as I do.  Some are agnostic, some are practicing atheists, some are just avoiding the subject all together.  Then there are a lot of believers as well.  To these I am a witness to my beliefs, and therefore to the power, glory, majesty, and grace of my Master.  So when I am sarcastic, cynical, biting, overbearing, condescending, arrogant, and so many other things of which I am a rather skilled practitioner, I choose to be a bad witness.

It is at this point where my day, my attitudes, my emotions, and all those things which are personal to me, within my boundaries, spill over into the lives of others.  I was raised with the perspective that my relationship with my Master is my business.  The relationship of others to Him is their business.  This is a poor, unbiblical perspective to have.  Those who do not know or have a relationship to my Master may hold that position, and may be bothered by discussions about spiritual things, but that should not be my position.

In Paul's discussion of the relationship of believers to one another in Romans 14, differing views about food are used as an example of how to treat each other when religious opinions differ within a body of believers.  In the midst of that discussion, in verses 7 and 8, Paul says that none of us live or die to ourselves, but rather all of us live or die to the Lord.  What he is saying here is that my perspective needs to be off of the views of those around me, and on my Master.  When that is true, then I will naturally be the "good" witness I need to be.  He will have me in such a manner that His qualities become spiritual fruit in my life.  Others will witness His glory, power, majesty, and grace through me.  I just need to focus on Him, not on myself or how well I do compared to others around me.

So, pretend everything is OK, fake it until I make it, think and act until it's true, and above all do not let anyone know that I'm hurting, sad, angry, or sick.  Hmm, no, I don't think so.  It is an undeniable fact that my Master drags me kicking and screaming through rough times.  Yes, I sometimes whine and complain, I sometimes mope or pout.  But to go through these times and pretend I'm not is to hide the glory and grace of my Master, cover examples of His power, and instead take false credit for false circumstances.  It is the power of my Master that enables me to endure tough times.  It is His grace that redeems me from mistakes.  It is His glory and majesty that shine through me when I respond well to good or bad things.  So, if I hide those tough times, failures, and good or bad circumstances then I hide those opportunities for Him to shine.

So, I need to be open with my circumstances and my prayer life.  I should be clear about what's going on and what I am doing about it.  My uncertainty about my future should dovetail with my prayer life, both in my life and in my conversation.  So, the humiliation of waiting in the dark for God to speak may come from doing so publicly rather than privately.  I would decrease, and He would increase.  I would no longer live or die to myself, but rather to my Master.  Then God would have something in me to use in the lives of others.