Return to a Basic Principle

When I began this blog, one of the basic principles was that it would be a place of accountability for me.  This is partly why I have strenuously attempted to remain in the first person rather than "preach" to others.  If others gain insight into their own lives, I pray it comes through my Master's use of these words rather than my efforts.

This week, my need for accountability is higher than it has been in a while.  I will be mostly alone all day all this week.  What I have learned from the past 19 (nearly 20) years is that I am not emotionally suited to being alone.  I used to think I was fine alone, but I now believe that what had happened was the emotional pain of loneliness had become a callous.  It wasn't until I was married and had someone around me 24/7 that I realized a contrast to being alone.  Now, having this contrast, I believe I "crater" when I'm alone.

Fortunately for me, it is only a week.  Also, I will not be alone all day, just during most of my work hours.  That is good, but still very dangerous for me.  I venture into evil when left alone, trying to "self-medicate" the pain of loneliness.  It's dumb, sacrilegious, silly, preposterous, and down right idolatrous; but I still struggle against it, sometimes in vain.

What I need is light in the darkness of my alone time.  There are several ways I can do this, but accountability is always a very effective one.  Knowing that I am accountable to others for my actions helps me remember that my actions affect others, and they are not all about me.  The pain I cause others is right in line with what my Master teaches me in His Scriptures, but I deny this truth to myself if I think I can "hide" what evil I do, thereby "protecting" those around me from it.  It doesn't work.  I know this, but have to "re-learn" it every time I fail.

So, each morning, I want to populate this page with a record of how my thought life has been the previous day and night.  I want to record how my actions have been the previous day and night.  I need to include not only the pieces with which I obviously struggle, but also the emotional things that often trigger these morose activities and thoughts.

So, today and tonight will be the subject of tomorrow's post.  Tuesday will be reported on Wednesday, and so on.  I will continue to post links to these entries on Facebook.  Those of you who read these on regular or irregular basis will form my support group, my accountability group, my brothers and sisters in my Master's family.  Let me thank you in advance for what you do for me in just being there, even if you don't read.  But please do.  You will find that you help me glorify my Master more, and experience His holiness more in my life by your simple act of checking on me through this blog.