Lot went up from Zoar, and stayed in the mountains, and his two daughters with him; for he was afraid to stay in Zoar; and he stayed in a cave, he and his two daughters. Then the firstborn said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of the earth. "Come, let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him that we may preserve our family through our father." So they made their father drink wine that night, and the firstborn went in and lay with her father; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. On the following day, the firstborn said to the younger, "Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve our family through our father." So they made their father drink wine that night also, and the younger arose and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father. The firstborn bore a son, and called his name Moab; he is the father of the Moabites to this day. As for the younger, she also bore a son, and called his name Ben-ammi; he is the father of the sons of Ammon to this day. (Genesis 19:30-38 NASB)
The cities of the valley (except for Zoar) are all slag. They probably still smoke. Lot and his two daughters are the only survivors of the dramatic conflagration of the most sinful cities on the planet. Yet, he's afraid to stay in Zoar. I would think he'd be somewhat of a celebrity and have a great story to tell. But he is afraid, and it doesn't say what of. Perhaps he feared that God would complete the destruction of the valley with Zoar, and he didn't want to be anywhere near there.
So, he leaves with his two daughter, and where does he go? The mountains to live in a cave. I don't get that. Sure the angels told him to run to the hills, but they never said to live there! They said to leave the region, then relented and let him reach Zoar. They were safe, of sorts. All he had was lost to Sodom before the angels appeared. He leaves with himself, his wife, and his two daughters, and only he and his daughters make it. They are of marrying age, so where else would you take such ladies to live? A cave is such an obvious choice...oh wait.
What I can't figure out is why he didn't return to Abraham. Obviously the problem they had before was not a problem now since Lot didn't have herds and flocks, and so on. He had to know that Abraham would take him back since he had already gone to such lengths to save him from the raiding kings of the east. Why it never occurs to him to "go home" is really puzzling to me. If it's pride, he's only in for more shame. And if it's for shame, it's about to get worse. The final degradation of Lot only shows his own fractured reality, and how it is passed on to, and through, his daughters.
His two daughters decide to get their father drunk, and have children by him. They can't imagine husbands for themselves while they live in a cave (I'm with them on that one). So incest seems the best solution to them. But they know that their father won't cooperate willingly, so they use the common "date rape drug" of the time, wine. While I think the unwillingness of Lot, and that his daughters knew that about him is a credit to his character, I can't balance that against the decision to live in a cave in the first place. His character is overshadowed by a broken reality. Their solution makes me shudder, but I can understand (but only at a distance) why they felt it was necessary. They are without hope, and their father's faith isn't one they want to be a part of.
So where is the point for me? Where do I fit in this picture of a fractured reality? Unfortunately way too close. Addicts of any sort on their way toward sobriety will be able to see themselves in this account. The Big Book of AA calls it "hitting bottom"; it's when the fractured reality fractures and reality hits home like a sledge hammer. The illusions finally implode, unable to support the consequences kept at bay by denial for so long. What becomes clear looking back over the wreckage of life is how far away from reality I could get. It was surreal, and hard to believe, even seeing it in print (Step 4, the moral inventory). It was like it happened to someone else.
The common theme of a lost touch with reality, the behavior out of control, and the ruinous effects on families is all part of the addiction. Even that Lot lost everything (seemingly before the angels arrived - there were no household servants or flocks, herds, or anything to save) is so familiar to recovering addicts. The addiction will consume everything material, emotional, and, eventually, spiritual. So, to an embarrassing degree, I do get Lot. I do actually understand being so driven by shame that I believed I couldn't go home, couldn't be honest, couldn't let anyone into my life because they'd hate me, reject me, hurt me, and I'd be alone (which is where I was because of my behavior anyway - duh). Yep, being a bonehead is something I have on my "resume" for wherever I go. I own it now, seeking in honesty, to keep it from happening again. I seek that painful ground in reality that hurts, is uncomfortable, and creates dependence on my Master and His other followers. So, my lot in life is to be an example that it's possible to go home again. It may hurt, and it is a lot of shame to own, but it is possible. And it is a lot better than living in a cave; lots better.
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