The Meaning of Tears

When the lad was gone, David rose from the south side and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed three times. And they kissed each other and wept together, but David wept the more.  Jonathan said to David, "Go in safety, inasmuch as we have sworn to each other in the name of the LORD, saying, 'The LORD will be between me and you, and between my descendants and your descendants forever.'" Then he rose and departed, while Jonathan went into the city. (1 Samuel 20:41-42 NASB)

The 'test' of Jonathan's father, Saul, did not turn out well.  Jonathan indicated it to David with a boy and arrows, and now they both know Saul is out to hunt down David and kill him.  Jonathan recognizes his position, his responsibilities, and what he needs to do.  It is never recorded that he ever goes out with Saul after David, in fact, he's not mentioned again until the final battle of Saul.  It is truly a sad parting.

The writer includes the detail that David wept more.  In the first part of the chapter, in the initial encounter and dialogue, it seems that David is actually upset with Jonathan.  Jonathan seems to be the one initiating a covenant, and even includes a comment that he not be killed, and that it include their offspring.  Because of that, I don't believe that David loves Jonathan more than Jonathan, but rather that Jonathan bears a greater weight at the moment.

Jonathan gave his stuff to the boy and sent him back into the city with it.  He knew he had to go back into the realm of his father.  He knew he had a life of responsibilities there that he could not ignore, and from which it would be wrong of him to leave.  I doubt he even thought it possible.  I suspect that, instead, Jonathan looked with a sort of dread upon his future and the future of his father's kingdom. 

With all the problems posed by a real enemy of Israel; the Philistines, Canaanites, even rogue Hebrews, the problem absorbing Saul was David; who was not a threat.  This does not bode well for Israel.  This is a misplaced focus, and it had to evident to all, but who would defy the 'emperor without clothes'?  The kingdom is about to descend into disarray and anarchy.  I suspect the weight of his vision of the 'train-wreck' coming weighed heavier on Jonathan than David's departure.

So, as I paint this circumstance (mostly in my mind rather than truly explained in Scripture - so mere conjecture) it seems to me that Jonathan is in a position where his faith enables him to see the problem (Saul obsessed with David to the detriment of the kingdom), but also that he is held in its path by his real responsibilities within the community.  In a sense, he sees his own doom.

I also note that this faith does override his 'responsibilities' on the military side as he never goes out with Saul after David.  He sees the inevitable 'train-wreck' but refuses to put more coal into the engine to speed things up.  He sees the inevitable 'train-wreck' but dutifully remains on the train where his responsibilities remain; perhaps he can alleviate some of the effects on the community by remaining.

I also suspect that I am reading into this some qualities of my own.  I have been accused of sticking with 'lost causes' to the bitter end; usually out of stubbornness.  That may be true.  Even in games, where the stakes were meaningless, I have done what I thought needed to be done regardless of what I knew they would cost me (okay, not 'meaningless' entirely, but not significant either).  I'm not sure why I do that or where I learned to approach things that way.  But I do.  Maybe Jonathan doesn't here.  But I still learn a lesson from him.

I am called (i.e. placed somewhere for something by my Master - there's a divine purpose) to where I am for this time.  I believe that my Master has called me here and now for some form of service, and I suspect that it has to do with a marriage mentoring program my wife and I are heading up.  At least I see that as a major part of His purpose. 

The program is lacking momentum, and the danger for me is look at it as a 'lost cause' or a 'waste of time'.  It's not.  The problems of my community require this service as part of any solution.  It is the time for this program, and this is definitely the place that needs it.  Through it I believe my Master can bring hope to a people and to a place without it.  It's just been hard to get people who initially said they want to be a part to communicate or keep it as a priority.  There are lots of reasons but the results are what have me concerned.

So, do I look at the situation and decide that what has people distracted (the stuff of daily life) has vanquished this service to the community?  Do I see a 'train-wreck' in trying to get this program off the ground?  Maybe, but I also see that by staying in it, I may be then available to my Master to make what He will with who He sends and with what He provides.  It will be a program about Him rather than me and my wife.  Jonathan submitted himself to the community, and his availability cost him his life.  I don't face any such sacrifice.  Instead, all that is needed is for me to continue in the path laid out by my Master and not 'jump ship (or trains as it were)' to some other program that I suspect has a better chance of success.  I truly think the light at the end of the tunnel is the glory of my Master rather than another train.  Time to pile on the coal!