Hearing The Hearing God Without Being Distracted By Him

Gen 16:11-14 (NASB)

11 The angel of the Lord said to her further,

“Behold, you are with child,
And you will bear a son;
And you shall call his name Ishmael,
Because the Lord has given heed to your affliction.
12 “He will be a wild donkey of a man,
His hand will be against everyone,
And everyone’s hand will be against him;
And he will live to the east of all his brothers.”
13 Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “ You are a God who sees”; for she said, “ Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?” 14 Therefore the well was called Beer- lahai- roi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.

God commands that the "wild donkey of a man" be called Ishmael, meaning "God hears". But Hagar (and everyone using the well) called God, the God Who sees. It's not like I have to choose which one is right, but this is somewhat like today: I choose for myself which truth of God I want today, rather than listen for His lesson.

Again, it's not that the truth I choose isn't truth, it's more that it's not the lesson my Master is teaching me about Himself right then. Ironically, here He calls Himself the Hearing God, but Hagar isn't listening. She's so distracted by having seen God and survived. Again, not wrong, just ironic.

How patient my Master is with me to teach me but permit me to walk away with a different lesson. What do I miss when I do that? I perceive Truth when I meet my Master, He is the Truth, the Way, and the Life. Yet when I come away with a different truth than the truth He has for me, what have I lost? Perhaps the good versus the best, or perfect?

The question, or application, or lesson is "Do I listen to the Listening God, or am I too distracted by another of His 'Truths' to hear the one He has for me today?" He is the Listening God, but am I His listening servant? It's good to be called His Knight and His servant; I am close to Him by invitation. But am I hearing what He says or distracted by what I see? I suppose once again it's a pride issue, and a submission issue. Why am I not through these yet?  Well, I suppose I have some quiet listening to do. I better get on it.

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A Little Alone Time, Without Lot

Now Lot, who went with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents.  And the land could not sustain them while dwelling together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to remain together.  And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram's livestock and the herdsmen of Lot's livestock. Now the Canaanite and the Perizzite were dwelling then in the land.  So Abram said to Lot, "Please let there be no strife between you and me, nor between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, for we are brothers.  Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me; if to the left, then I will go to the right; or if to the right, then I will go to the left."  Lot lifted up his eyes and saw all the valley of the Jordan, that it was well watered everywhere -- this was before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah -- like the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt as you go to Zoar.  So Lot chose for himself all the valley of the Jordan, and Lot journeyed eastward. Thus they separated from each other.  Abram settled in the land of Canaan, while Lot settled in the cities of the valley, and moved his tents as far as Sodom.  Now the men of Sodom were wicked exceedingly and sinners against the LORD.  The LORD said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, "Now lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward; for all the land which you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever.  "I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth, so that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants can also be numbered.  Arise, walk about the land through its length and breadth; for I will give it to you."  Then Abram moved his tent and came and dwelt by the oaks of Mamre, which are in Hebron, and there he built an altar to the LORD. (Genesis 13:5-18 NASB)

I am on my own for a bit this week.  So, indulge me for a moment while I project my loneliness onto Abram in this passage.  When Lot left, was Abram lonely?  I suppose anywhere from a quarter, a third, or even perhaps half of what was about Abram just up and moved away.  Was he sad, and did he miss his nephew? In my imagination, he did; but mostly because I miss my wife today.


It would be ironic that after separating for strife that he would miss the "hubbub", but isn't that how it goes?  My wife is off because she's taking her mom on a trip, so there's no strife involved.  And I realize the reasons I miss her span from my love for her to selfish self pity (yeah, I have range...).  So, my situation isn't really like Abram's except in the hole the person leaves in my life.


But for me, my loneliness has a duration of two more days.  Abram didn't have that.  He knew his separation was indefinite.  Sure he might visit or perhaps Lot might visit, but they would never again be together like they were.  The hole left is much larger, and not due to the size of the group that left, but due to the relationship lost.


It is in the midst of these emotions, however strong or weak they were, when God shows up and speaks with Abram about his descendants.  Was it encouraging or sobering?  Did Abram find comfort in being told that one day his children would possess the land he viewed from the hills of Beth-El?  In response he goes to Hebron, builds another altar, and calls on the name of God.  So, I would guess he responds positively to what he's told.


In these times of being alone, I seek to hear from my Master.  Yet, my Master is Master even over communication.  He doesn't necessarily speak what I want, when I want, in ways I prefer.  Instead, He draws me in, not with words, but with the gnawing need in my soul for His presence.  He may speak to me, but what I need is to walk about before Him, be in His presence, and seek His face.  I need Him more than the blessings and more than a word from Him.


So, in the first light of this day, I enter the presence of my Master.  I confess my short falls, and embrace His purification.  And then I walk about in this day, but always in His presence.  I walk before Him and strive to be blameless; not the easy road.  I suppose I should start it with breakfast.  A bowl of cereal sounds good; and eggs, yeah, and "green smoothie!"  Hmm...

The View From Right Here

I am using a different tool to blog this morning, and I hope it speeds the process somewhat.  One nice touch is that it includes a link to the entry in MUFHH, which might help provide a context to understand some of my more bizarre rantings.  For this entry, I have to admit that the timing is something I would only ascribe to my Master.  For in this entry, I find something relating to a struggle my family is having right now.  The answer I find in the last paragraph, but even the contents serve to encourage me as I go through this with my family, attempting to stand as a spiritual leader.  This is not easy since my track record does not naturally induce trust.

The passage is Revelation 4:1 where John is invited into heaven to witness what must happen at the end, or before the end, or after these things, or something like that (Revelation is not one of my favorite books, it’s too much like much of Ezekiel and the last two-thirds of Daniel for my limited understanding of contemporary history to grasp).  The point that Chambers focus’ on is the invitation to come up higher.  He differentiates between this invitation from my Master versus the invitation from the Accuser.  When the Accuser invites the place is always perilous, but when my Master invites, the place is always open and wonderful.  I’m not sure that is a hard-and-fast rule, but is a fairly good place to be.  The description is in some ways like the position we are in now, but only somewhat.

I sense God’s presence and voice more now than I have in the past 10 years.  I feel clearer and more aware of myself, my foibles, and feel less justified to hang on to them.  I see myself as I believe my Master sees me, or at least more so.  And I believe this sense of sight helps me perceive my Master better as well.  But not perfectly.  I still wonder where the limitations are for my ability to see my Master and hear His voice.  I wonder if the past several months have served to clarify what was unclear months before.  In any case, our situation is somewhat perilous, yet not desperate.  So, have we reached Chamber’s “table land” or “pinnacle”?

Well, my sense of the situation is that regardless of what it might be or how we got here, we’re here.  Where is my Master leading from here?  There is no blame to place nor is there something to be gained from trying to solve this dilemma by figuring out how we got here in the first place.  We’re here, where will we be in three-to-four weeks?  I’m not sure.  We may be still here.  But I have reached a place where I am sure that my Master knows.  What I am not doing is looking for someplace using all the means people use to find places.  That is bothering me at the back of my mind, but not as much as I suspect it should.  Packing is the same problem.  It tugs at the recesses of my mind, but not with the same nagging stress I normally encounter when I avoid something I should do that I don’t want to do.  I have recently felt the difference, and that makes it easy to compare the two.  So what does it mean?  It means that I need to be prudent to do what is necessary to prepare for what I see at this point, but not put too much emotional stock in what I can see from this point.  I sense that there is more than what I can see going on at the moment, I just can’t see it yet.

So, have I been invited to a higher ground to view things more as my Master sees them?  Possibly.  But it is also possible that my Master has simply granted my prayer for peace in this place at the elevation I currently rest.  It could be that I simply gaining a better view from where I am; that I am finally allowing the clouds of dust I have worked up over the years to settle, and now I can see the world around me more clearly.  I will need to let you know in a few weeks.  I will be desperately trying to hold on to this discipline through the next few weeks.  I will probably need this therapeutic practice even more as our situation progresses, and the revelation of my Master unfolds.  Will I have my fields ready when He brings the rains we have prayed for?  Ah, suspense does make for a good way to end a chapter does it not?

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": March 27th.

So Close, But So Far Away

There was a point in my relationship with God when He would let me know things right when I needed to know them.  There was a time when the youth group I worked with suffered a traumatic hit, when one of our own was seriously injured and we feared he might die or be paralyzed for life.  Right as the news arrived (interrupting my Bible study...how rude is that), God assured me that he would be among us again in three months.  It seemed incredible, but I shared that strong impression with the group, we were encouraged and expectant, and we were together with him (at his house, not at our church property) in three months, holding that same Bible study.

At a critical juncture of our ministry schooling, my wife and I were considering options to study in California, her in her discipline, and I in mine.  One day, the seminaries did a presentation at our undergraduate school, and for whatever reason, I got the very strong, very clear impression we were supposed to go to Texas to both study at the same seminary.  This was a huge move for both of us, our families were not happy, yet all along the process, God confirmed this initial strong impression. 

I'm still waiting for the next one.  Now, the best information, the clearest message I have from Him is to wait, worship, and walk before Him.  Not to criticize my Master, but for those who claim to believe and follow Jesus, this command is a lot like a command to continue breathing.  It hurts my pride to receive such "marching orders" having in the past received much more clear and direct directions.  But there it is, my pride, hurt and wounded, instead of dead and buried.  I see I have a ways to go yet.  But where do I want to go? 

Oswald Chambers refers to one of my favorite stories in all of Scripture this morning, and that is what I want.  I want to negotiate with Yahweh face to face.  There cannot be a more dangerous, thrilling, gut-wrenching, make-me-want-to-barf-and-wet-myself-simultaneously kind of experience in all of human existence.  In this account, while Abraham is relaxing by the door to his tent waiting on lunch, up walks the ruler of the universe along with two others.  Abraham sees Him and immediately recognizes who He is (that may be my first hurdle right there).  Abraham arranges lunch, and the four discuss Abraham's future son, Isaac.  Then, as the three continue on, heading toward Sodom, the Ruler of the universe asks His two companions if He should disclose to Abraham what they are there for.  Once Abraham realizes they are there to destroy Sodom, he begins to negotiate the salvation of his nephew and his family.  That is one of the most exciting conversations recorded in Scripture.  I can only imagine Abraham's mouth going dry even as he asks again for more and more each time, knowing Who it is he is asking.  He is tactful, he is careful, he is progressive in each request, and it becomes apparent that he is beginning to try God's patience.  God is about to nuke an entire valley, and Abraham carefully negotiates for someone snared in the reprobate society of this detestable community; he was negotiating for the grace of God on behalf of Lot.

That is where I want to be.  I want to see God walk up and recognize Him as the Lord of the Cosmos.  I want to serve Him lunch, stand by Him as a good host, as I walk Him to the "car" to continue His journey, learn His purpose, and negotiate with the Most High.  Forget entertaining angels unaware, imagine entertaining Yahweh Himself!

But I have a long way to go for that.  It seems to me that I have a lot longer way to go than I used to.  It seems that my faith is not what it was, my conviction is not what it was, my insight and sensitivity to the prompting of the Spirit of God is not what it was.  Not as when I was a child, but much more recent when I was an adult.  Not as when I was uneducated and untried, but even as I trained and learned.  This was not that long ago.  But it was before my trauma at a church as I ministered.  Since then, it has not been the same.  I have not felt the same strength of impression.

Just last night my family watched one of my favorite movies, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.  One aspect of this movie that strikes to my heart is a statement right at the beginning.  While introducing one of the central characters, Mahoney, the store manager, it states that she stopped believing the things about herself she once did.  The comment on this is, "I don't know why adults stop believing what they did as kids.  I thought they were supposed to be smarter."  Now I know one of the reasons that this is funny is what underlies the entire movie plot, adults are more grounded in reality, which clearly does not apply in the movie (it's a movie, it can't present reality anyway, why try?).  I get that, it's fiction.  But that statement gets to the heart of this issue for me.  Why did I stop believing?  What started the doubt?  Was it a miscarriage?  Was it the final collapse of a ministry?  Was it a lost vision of my purpose and direction?  If it was that loss of vision, what brought that on?  Why did I grow up and grow deaf?  Why did my fear of reality distract me from the reality I followed and lived with before?  Where did things go so horribly wrong?  I want to know so I can go back and right that wrong in my life for now.  I need this fixed now.  I want to get back on the track I was on so I can progress beyond into that life where God might actually visit for lunch!  This is possible, this is doable, and I feel a strong sense of responsibility to get there.  But even as I delve into this desire to grow, I plow head-long into a wall of emotions that disable my thought, my reason, and clouds my ability to see clearly.  The morass of fear, shame, and pain forms a dirty film over the window of my soul.  I can't get at what I seek without some serious window cleaning.  I hope that is what this blog is for.  But time will tell what comes of my ability to clarify my sight with my Master.  In the mean time, does anyone have a squeegee I can borrow?

Is There a Downside to Time to Think?

In John 14, one of the best collections of Jesus' commands, words of encouragement, and explanations culminates with, "Get up, let us go from here."  It seemed rather abrupt, and is not a very nice smooth literary transition to the scene at the Garden of Gethsemane.  Of course, on the way, we have the "Vine" discourse in John 15 and Chapter 16 which sort of continues the sense of 14.  But verse 31 of John 14 is peculiar.

The question I have is why be so abrupt to change venue at this point of the discourse?  What was it about the discourse to this point that made the change make sense?  And what lesson is in there for me about this?  According to Chambers, the point is that Jesus did not want to give His disciples time to think about what He said, He wanted them to act.  That, to me doesn't make sense either, at least not at the point of this verse.  I don't see how that conclusion fits the context.  Or does it, at least partially?

I suppose it's possible that if Jesus had not changed venues at that point, He may have lost the attention of His audience, sitting around on comfortable pillows, after a great meal, in semidarkness of the upper room.  It's easy to imagine some of them nodding off.  Sounds like a good time for a brisk walk in the cool night air to clear heads, and maintain attention. 

Perhaps the lesson I can learn from this is to not stop listening to God when I hear something "good" only to miss better understanding as He continues to speak.  I can see where this could be a problem for me.  As I pointed out earlier, context is important to understanding.  And as I worked through the context, I used both literary and historical context to find possible meaning.  That requires some additional reading.  So, why wouldn't understanding what God is saying also include "additional hearing?" 

As a matter of habit, I like to analyze what I hear.  I think about it, filter it, try and match it against other things I know, try to fit it into a pattern of other information to form a better picture of the topic.  I just do that naturally.  Lots of people do, and it's not just a "guy thing" either.  This works great, except when I have started the process without first ensuring I have all the information to analyze.  Once I start the process, my ability to listen goes way down.  I admit it, I'm not a great multitasker.  I can do it in a pinch, but it's not my strong suit. 

Once God begins to be clear with me, I get excited (I mean I'm talking with the Creator the Universe here, who wouldn't be excited?).  If my excitement cause me to stop listening but dwell on the feelings of the moment, I'm wasting that amazing opportunity.  So I need to listen.  Then, if in my continued excitement, I hear something that resonates with somethings else in my head, something in my brain clicks with something God has said, and I begin the analysis process, then I am, again, missing and wasting this opportunity.

When I stop listening before God has stopped talking, I am going to get it wrong.  Think, Abram and Hagar and Ishmael.  Think Abraham and Sarah with Pharaoh and Abimelech, kings in their countries.  There are examples of David, some of the Judges probably fit into this category, Joshua and the Gibeonite deception, and so on.  Examples where they thought they had a good handle on God's message, but didn't listen to the whole thing, or go and get clarification of a detail. 

For me, it comes down to my pesky self-reliance popping up and grabbing for the attention which rightly belongs to God.  I'm saying, "Thanks God, I got it from here" when I don't "got" the whole picture.  Call it vanity, call it pride, call it whatever, but when I let it loose, I lose.  I do this with God, my wife, my daughter, my boss, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, people I meet on the street, people I see on TV, movies, see in malls, ball games, church, large events... did I leave anyone out?  I do it a lot, and not just to God.  So, how do I stop it?

The personal discipline of listening is a skill which counselors and therapist develop intentionally.  It's their job.  The better they listen, the better at their job they can be.  I have taken a class on being a counselor/therapist; a class, once.  It would seem that I have not developed this skill as I should.  No, my job does not depend on it, but it would certainly help.  While my marriage will survive without me being an expert listener, it would sure help to improve this skill.  It would certainly help me be a better parent.  But the real payoff will come as I make this a spiritual discipline, one making me more available to God.  It would be a real tragedy, after seeking to hear God's voice, miss the whole message because I stopped listening and started analyzing before He finished speaking.