Ironies Best Avoided

Now the whole earth used the same language and the same words.  It came about as they journeyed east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar and settled there.  They said to one another, "Come, let us make bricks and burn them thoroughly." And they used brick for stone, and they used tar for mortar.  They said, "Come, let us build for ourselves a city, and a tower whose top will reach into heaven, and let us make for ourselves a name, otherwise we will be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth."  The LORD came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built.  The LORD said, "Behold, they are one people, and they all have the same language. And this is what they began to do, and now nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible for them.  "Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language, so that they will not understand one another's speech."  So the LORD scattered them abroad from there over the face of the whole earth; and they stopped building the city.  Therefore its name was called Babel, because there the LORD confused the language of the whole earth; and from there the LORD scattered them abroad over the face of the whole earth. (Genesis 11:1-9 NASB)

Why would my Master care if His human creatures built a tower and city or not?  What would it matter if they had the same language and one name?  In fact, wouldn't things be better if that were true?  What was it that was so terrible about a unified humanity?

I don't really know.  Although I haven't searched exhaustively, so far I haven't found a corresponding account in ancient texts of the region of Mesopotamia.  There's one for the flood, and some others that correspond to other features of the first 11 chapters of Genesis, but not this one, at least I haven't found it yet.  And there are not a lot of references back to this account in the rest of Scripture.  So it has not been possible for me to find commentary on this account either internally in Scripture or externally in archaeology.  I will have to settle for oblique references and possible tangents to this event.  There's a lot of room for error in such research, if it even is research. 

On the surface though I find a few possible pieces of evidence.  For instance, Yahweh goes down to look at the city and His comment is that "now no purpose of theirs will be withheld from them."  I find this to be the best clue as to what my Master is concerned about in this.  Yet, there is another earlier in Genesis 10, it's just much more circumstantial than this one.  These two are the best pieces I have at the moment.

The response of Yahweh to the building project almost damages the Sovereignty of Yahweh.  He sounds afraid or concerned that His domination will be diminished by a unified humanity; as if people really did have the ability or power to diminish Him.  It sounds this way on the surface, but I think that my Master is really more concerned about His human creatures missing their purpose for living entirely.

Paul says in Acts 17:24-28 that people have been created by God that they might seek Him.  I believe that building a tower and city to unify the people of the land become people seeking themselves.  Their purpose in building was to assure that they remain unified.  The tower would reach to the heavens, yet not to be with Yahweh, but to be seen across the plain of Shinar, and maintain their unity.  The ancient "towers" of the Mesopotamian region were step pyramids, and were always temples.  It seems the worship from this tower would have been of someone or something other than Yahweh.

At this point I want to bring in the oblique circumstantial evidence from Genesis 10:7-12 (verse 7 because I believe it indicates that 8-12 was inserted rather than organic to the passage).  Nimrod is where I believe the problem with the city and tower really lies.  He is a strange character.  In Micah 5:6, his name refers to the Assyrians, and there is a city "Nimrud" that has been found in the northern region of the two rivers.  The references to him in Genesis 10 and 1 Chronicles 1 sound like the Nephelim from Genesis 6.  He was a "Mighty One on the Land"; and I believe a distraction from following God.

With someone as capable as Nimrod around, where's the need for Yahweh?  Yet Nimrod himself seems to be a "mighty hunter before Yahweh," so I at least sense that He is a follower of Yahweh to some extent.  The reference seems to indicate that Yahweh is pleased with Nimrod, or at least not displeased.  But the people of the plains wanted to be one people unified around a city and tower they have constructed.  Nimrod is not mentioned, and they don't want to be unified around Yahweh.  I think that is where the problem begins.  A person powerful enough to distract them from their dependence upon Yahweh leads to a self-reliant solution to their desires for identity.

That's my suspicion, but really the only real evidence support only that they were not really interested in solutions coming from Yahweh, but self-reliant ones.  Even if they intended the tower as a place to worship Yahweh, He wasn't included in the project.  He had to come down to look at it on His own initiative, not invited in the project at the first.  The purpose was not to glorify Him, but to unify the people.  So, the response of Yahweh is to bring about the very thing they were trying to avoid.

I get distracted by things that lead me away from my Master.  Lately I have looked around me at others and wished I had what they have.  I have looked away from what my Master has provided me, and focused on what He hasn't.  And the irony is that I have done this in the midst of having been provided an amazing trip to the West Indies.  It's insanity it is.  That's crazy to be so distracted.  Yet I have been.  It hit me this morning.  I looked at what others had, or could do, or whatever, and wished I were someone who could have those things.  I wasn't content with what my Master provides to me, I wanted more.

I'm back now though.  I certainly hope I have come to my senses.  Now I need to go back through my pictures and review the wonderful place I was blessed to enjoy last week.  It would have been nice to have enjoyed it more while there.  Matthew, thy name is Bonehead.

Crash, Burn, Replace…Repeat

In some ways, this blog and these entries, are intended to bring about what Chambers writes/speaks of in this entry.  In some ways my hope has been to use this blog for accountability.  To that end, I have invited the world into the interior of my life, with all the weaknesses and failures found there.  At the same time, I hope this opens me up more to my Master’s work in me.

 

So, last night I ignored my limits I call middle-circle boundaries, and flirted with my addiction.  The actions and thoughts were both preceded and followed by a rather nice time with my Master.  Clearly the preceding one didn’t have the effect I would expect, so clearly there was something wrong there.  I was tired and everything, so why go into a sort of behavior that would keep me awake?  This is the sort of thing that makes any sort of behavior like this crazy.  It is totally devoid of reality living or thinking.

 

I think there was a point in the time with my Master as I was drifting off to sleep where I mentioned fighting my threatening depression by doing what I don’t want (like going to a 12-step meeting tonight), and not doing what I do want (like giving into my addictive thoughts and behaviors).  I think that in the process I blamed my depression, and that was the go-ahead; it wasn’t my fault, I can’t help it, and so it is okay. 

 

It is my fault, I can decide not to, and it’s not okay.  Let me just say that, because I can easily blame my struggle on depression.  I believe I have a weakness, in that my brain has a propensity to over stimulate AO activity (the chemical imbalance that brings on depression).  The anti-depressant is an AO inhibitor, and these usually are used for a time, but sometimes, a long time.  But this can’t be my excuse.  My depression is not so debilitating that I can’t function or think.  I can fight it, but it is a fight I’m not used to winning, and that is probably my biggest hurdle. 

 

Fighting depression is done through doing what I do not “feel” like doing.  Fighting the lethargy that comes through depression is one important way to fight depression.  The fight is not hard in any other sense than that it wears me out.  Rejuvenation comes from my Master and His Spirit, so that should not be a problem, but it is.  Perhaps at some point I will be so immersed in Him that it won’t be, but I’m not there yet.

 

That is one thing I do to fight my depression, but there are others.  One symptom is anger, another is an abundance of emotion, another is a tendency toward resentment.  So there are are several things I need to do to fight against this problem, but none of them are that complex or particularly difficult.  What makes these symptoms difficult to fight is that another symptom is a lack of energy, and that not only makes it hard to fight the depression but works to perpetuate it. 

 

This is why an antidepressant is very helpful.  I’m not at a point where I can do all that.  It overwhelms me and I collapse under it.  I hope at some point I will be able to fight it, but I have no power to do so now.  My only hope is to admit my weakness, and reach outside myself for help.  The piece that helped me begin my months of success was admitting I could not do this, that I have this weakness, and that I need something to help.  It was dramatically helpful.  But it is not a permanent solution. 

 

Since depression is not “reality” thinking but distorted thinking, the element that Chambers talks about today, letting the world and my Master into my life, is really important.  The presence of others forces reality back into my mental matrix.  The distortion requires a single perspective or view of my life.  So a 12-step program is a great option for fighting this depression.  My hope is that such a program will provide the spiritual discipline I need to eventually live without antidepressants.  I suspect there will need to be other things as well, but the 12-steps  are designed to realign my mind with my Master’s; repentance.

 

In the past, practicing the steps always brought on the problems I was trying to fight against in my depression.  It brought on the emotional and spiritual crisis I was keeping at bay through my addictive “management”.  I think I am better able to face that crisis and work through it, but with the help of an antidepressant.  What I hope happens is that, on the other side of the crisis, I find the practice of getting through it equips me to do the same thing without the antidepressant.  It may take a couple of times of “practice” to get to the point where I can get through the crisis without the chemical help, but I hope that is where I get to.

 

The reason this solution appeals to me so much is that it will not be a solution that is from me or my ability.  No other solution so focuses on what my Master can do in me than the 12-steps.  They don’t work when it becomes about what I can do, or a “formula” I can process.  They work when, in sequence, I submit all my garbage to my Master and let Him replace it with Himself.  I jettison my expectation of self-management, I focus on my Master, I take the walk of shame as I inventory my failures, I lay those out as a display for the world and my Master, I strive to let them go and surrender them to my Master, I invite those I have hurt into the process, and then I continue the process of examination and confession.  It is not a process of my achievement of anything but reduction before my Master.  The success of this process stems entirely from the fact that my Master lives, He works in me, and He remakes me into His image as I disassemble my props and facades.

 

So here I go into another day, but I suspect the ending will be different.  I have invited in the world so that my distorted thinking will collapse, and reality will return.  Be sure to point out the distortions as you pass through, but please don’t touch them.  Pointing them out helps to make them disappear, there’s no need to carry them out with you.  These are mine, I’m sure you have plenty of your own.  Distortions are not something I should share well with others.  There’s a dose of reality as you leave, help yourself to plenty of that; no trick, sometimes a treat.

 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 1

Faith With Weakness

From earlier posts, Chambers seems to see the daily grind of life as the place that faith is built and practiced.  Here he puts the test into dramatic events.  Dramatic events are where the character of God is obscured or possibly made invisible and the question is whether I will continue to believe in His divinely revealed character described in Scripture.

 

The three Hebrew men in Daniel before the furnace are one example.  The trial of Job is another example.  In both of these examples, there was no assurance or voice of God to assure deliverance.  Each of these had to come to terms with not being delivered and still holding on to their faith.  That’s a test.

 

I have run out of some things I take everyday, two prescriptions for conditions I have.  One of those conditions I had hoped would be temporary, and I could just fade off the stuff and it wouldn’t be any big deal, no one would notice.  Nope.  It shows.  I really do have this weakness, and I really do need a drug to help me fight my depression.  I go to the doctor tomorrow, so it’s no big deal.  But it does show me that the submission I needed almost a year ago I still need.  That’s not what I had hoped for, but it’s what I suspected.

 

That is not a test of faith.  Such a revelation is not a time of not seeing the qualities of my Master but still needing to believe.  Instead, it’s a test of my pride.  I have a weakness, but am I willing to submit to it?  There is a problem with me that affects my mind, am I willing to admit such a thing?  It has been a week, and my emotions have been all over the place, and now I am struggling with sleeping, getting up in the morning (I seem more tired), the anger hasn’t showed up yet, but with being tired, it’s just a matter of time.  The frustration riding below the surface is ripe for me since my job jumped into hyper-speed last month.  I’ve started eating emotionally again, and I have a slight weight gain.

 

I suppose I could wait for more symptoms, but why?  If other indications are here, do I need to crater before I admit my weakness?  Why would I do that?  It’s not a test of my faith, of my belief in the qualities of my Master when I bring myself to the brink, threatening to jump over.  It’s a test of my pride, my willingness to submit to my Master’s wisdom in making me as I am, not as my ideal would be.  The way He has made me requires dependence and submission to Him.  The way I want to be looks good to others.  I show strength and love the attention.  I already know that is way of death, it stinks of it.  Why would I find that path attractive still? 

 

I am truly one sick puppy still.  I am still totally dependent upon my Master, His grace, His mercy, and His power.  I am what He has made me, with all the weaknesses that direct me to Him.  I am in need of a Savior still.  That is who I am, and who I remain.  Now, allow me to speak of Who has made me this way.

 

The Master of the universe makes stars even now.  He expands the reaches of the universe beyond the human ability to measure, and yet traces the patterns of the invisible material making up sub-atomic particles.  He defies human desires to reach beyond the planet they live on with a force we cannot live without, nor replicate effectively enough to take with us from earth; gravity.  He has trapped us here, yet allowed us to look out on His creation, given us minds to consider it, wonder about it, and think about its origins.  It points to Him, and He uses it as one of many markers of His presence and power.  In His desire for His human creatures, He made it possible where we could not, to relate to Him passed the inherent nature of rebellion against Him.  He did so by paying the requirement of His awesome wrath through Himself, the Son.  He took on Himself the penalty required by His holy nature and formed the only way we can relate to Him.  He went to this extreme for His human creatures in spite of the continued rebellion we perpetuate in His presence.  He sacrificed His Son for us, and we treat with contempt such an action on our behalf.  And still He loves us.  Still my Master calls to us, still my Master reaches out to this world which tries in vain to bite His hands filled with peace and love.  The creatures looking out on His vast creation and seeking to see the infinite dimensions of the building blocks of matter, matter that together lives, all are in rebellion against Him as feral beasts little better than the beasts they study.  And yet He loves still, He does not repent the sacrifice made, He does not retract His outstretched hand.

 

So, what, will I rail against the One who made me with my weakness?  Will I cry foul because I’m not what I think I should be or not what I want to be?  How can I believing the previous paragraph?  What’s the problem not solved by His outstretched hand?  Where is the room for pride or self-righteousness?  What else can I do besides reach for His hand and accept what He has?  If that gift does not cure my weakness, I will boast it that weakness because it has forced me into the lap of my Master.  I will point to His grace which is sufficient, that makes any weakness trivial, that shows off more what my Master can do and His power more than anything I can do without power.

 

Jesus is my Master, He loves me, He has my back, and I am at His service.

 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 31

Living Life: That’s the Hard Part

Seeing death as relational rather than physical I thought was pretty radical.  But it makes even more sense when I put sin in the same relational basket.  Now the reason death is relational is explained.  If sin is choosing independence from the Master of the universe, then sin would be death; being out of relationship with the Master of the universe.  On the other hand, since I can’t bridge the gulf in that relationship, I would have to be dependent upon what the Universal Master would do on my behalf.  So, Jesus is the solution placed before me.  The terms, “redemption” and “rebellion” now fit better into my understanding of the solution and problem with the world.

I don’t like dependence.  I don’t like going to the doctor or dentist for that reason and more.  I don’t like not being able to direct my destiny.  But, on the other hand, by giving up my independence and my destiny to the Universal Master, I gain access to Him.  So which is better, directing my destiny on this lump of space rock, or sitting down with the One having created space and everything in it and learning about Him?  Sure, as an American, I want independence, I was born to it, I have a sense of entitlement to it.  But I have another human condition which places me independent where I was never intended to be.  I belong in a garden.

So, when I consider the solution of the Universal Master to this human condition, I see a burden as massive as the shear crush of history and future of the human creatures crawling over this terrestrial ball.  All that hereditary isolation from the Creator, couched in the terms of independence, was summed up and consumed in the penalty paid by my Master.  For me, the event of Jesus’ death is more than an event of physical suffering; the physical suffering was almost a parable compared to the unthinkable amount of suffering at its climatic end.  When my Master, having revealed Himself as Three, suffers a separation within Himself, then suffering is redefined, and I cannot wrap my mind around the enormity of it.  That separation is the undeserved, substitutionary death which bought my access back into the garden.

But I’m not there yet.  This redemption I have gained the benefit of which was so expensive is not yet complete.  So, here in this place, I am directed to model my life after this indescribable gift.  I have been redeemed, and I am to live in this universe as such.  What does that look like as I relate to my wife, my daughter, my friends here in this community, and my church?  Claiming to understand life and death, dependence and sin, blessings and curses is all well and good.  But understanding is borne out in living.  If I really understand, then I will live in this world.  If I behave as if I’m dead, then what do I really understand?  And why do would I live as if I were dead?  For me, it is usually out of fear.  How ridiculous is that?  I have life but am afraid to live because of what the dead people might think.  Really? Seriously?

I am a fool, that much is clear.  I just need to become fine with being a fool for my Master, considered such by the dead around me.  I have spent too much time being a fool before my Master, acting foolish in His eyes.  How much that has cost me I will not know until I give an account of myself before His throne, but one day I will know.  The irony that strikes me to the heart is that, even as I played the fool, His love and grace never waivered.  He hated the sight of what I did, yet His love and desire for me never dimmed.  Even in those times, He had my back, keeping me from the deadly deep waters around which I played.  He kept me from things I can’t imagine, and the enemy was never able to snatch me from His hand.  Unbelievable, yet I am a testimony to its truth.

Today, my wife and daughter head to the Sierra Nevada’s for a weekend retreat.  I will be here holding the home for their return.  I will be alone in one sense, but I will be communing with the Universal Master in another.  The question is will I give into my compulsion for independence or will I surrender my right to myself to my Master.  It’s easy to choose life on the front end of the day, in the beauty and cool of the dawn.  It is another to hold that choice in the heat of the afternoon when reality bears down hard.  I hope to be able to post tomorrow that I enjoyed victory in my Master today, and then to post that again on Sunday.  That’s what I hope, I pray for that hope to be a fertile seedbed for faith, and that faith to lead me to love as I am loved.  Life is relational, and so my Master leads me to live.  I may be visiting you later, just humor me, I’m following the lead of my Master; I’m just not as graceful at it as He is.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, October 7