Hurrying A Gift?

"Now therefore, know and consider what you should do, for evil is plotted against our master and against all his household; and he is such a worthless man that no one can speak to him."  Then Abigail hurried and took two hundred loaves of bread and two jugs of wine and five sheep already prepared and five measures of roasted grain and a hundred clusters of raisins and two hundred cakes of figs, and loaded them on donkeys. (1 Samuel 25:17-18 NASB)

We see Abigail in three 'scenes' in this story, and in each of the three (with her servants, meeting David in the desert, and with David's servants to become his wife) Abigail is in a hurry.  Here, she's in a hurry to get together a 'gift' to propitiate David.  Yet, when considering he has 600 men in his troop, the gift seems somewhat inadequate.  On a day when the wealth of Nabal is gathered, thousands of sheep, she takes 5.  There is also 2 jugs of wine, 200 loaves of bread and grain and raisins.  Still, not even the 400 with David would really find the gift enough to make their trip worth it.

As I read this account, I think the size of the gift is partly explained in the first statement made about Abigail in verse 18: 'Then Abigail hurried...'  I think the answer lies there, or at least the clue as why it wasn't bigger; she was in a hurry to put it together.  So, she found what was at hand for the shearing feast of her husband and household, took some of what was there, and sets off on her donkey.

What is also interesting is that she has this gift ahead of her as she reaches David.  So the first he hears of her is her servants arriving with a gift, and then she 'rounds the mountain' and rushes to fall at his feet.  I wonder, if looking at the little provided, he is still upset at first, or even more so.  The rest of what it took to calm David down may have been supplied by the presence of the lady herself.  Her demeanor is humble, her words wise and godly, and she has been described as 'beautiful of form'; in short, she is impressive, leaving an indelible mark on the warrior.

The result is that this gift, perhaps enough for those watching the bags, is sufficient to appease David; at least the gift along with the lady herself is sufficient.  David returns and waits, and God addresses his 'adversary' in a very permanent manner.  I thought it was interesting how Abigail introduces to Nabal what she did; and while his response is cryptic (was he afraid, shocked at his loss, shocked at his wife, or what?), I wonder if she knew what it would be.  There isn't much mourning for the husband, she and David are wed in what reads as a very short time.  Once again, she hurries to David.

So, what's the lesson?  I think the lesson here is about character.  The personal qualities of Abigail made up for what she was unable to bring or add to the gift.  So, it was less about her material resources and more about her personal resources that saved her household.  The point?  Material substance is less important than personality substance.

So, I learn from this that, as I approach my job, my family, friends, church, and so on; what I carry in my heart far outweighs what I carry in my pockets.  What is in my words is more important than what is in my bank account, or my home, my garage, or other form of storage.  It's not the gift I give, but the attitude, words, and actions I take that make a positive indelible mark; if I make one at all.

Therefore, my daughter doesn't need more stuff from me, she needs my time, attention, and love.  My wife doesn't need a bauble, but my gaze, my devotion, and my appreciation.  My friends need my listening ear, my church needs my family's committed involvement, and my Master needs all of me.  At that point, being a good employee will be easy.  So, there it is; problem solved, lesson learned, ready to move on...oh wait.  I almost forgot; I need to now practice.  Ah, I thought I was missing something.

Protection From Myself?

"Now therefore, my lord, as the LORD lives, and as your soul lives, since the LORD has restrained you from shedding blood, and from avenging yourself by your own hand, now then let your enemies and those who seek evil against my lord, be as Nabal." (1 Samuel 25:26 NASB)

Commentators make much of how God protected David from the sin of killing innocents in revenge for Nabal's insult.  I wonder about that though.  If it were such a huge issue, like something that might prevent or divert his ascending the throne, why does everyone else assume he's going to do it?

What I mean is, if this were such a terrible thing, and something detrimental to his future as king, then why is the assumption of the servant who tells Abigail, and the assumption of Abigail (the wise wife) that David will do exactly that?  In verse 26, Abigail does say that God has kept David from shedding innocent blood, but is that what's going on, or is it part of her negotiation for the life of her household?

I suppose what I'm getting at is the rest of the content of her plea is clearly made up of placating David's wrath: speaks well of him personally, provides a gift for his men, bows before him, and so on.  She speaks of his role before God among the people, but is that 'political' and 'prophetic' or simply an observation of recent events?

I suspect that, while God did act providentially to keep David from wiping out an entire household, I don't think that was the point here.  Perhaps Uriah would later take issue with such a view, asking why God didn't act 'providentially' in his case.  The understanding was that Nabal's actions in response to David would bring about the destruction of his household.  That Nabal didn't get that only reinforces his foolishness.

On the other hand, Nabal is in common company with the Ziphites, the people of Keilah, and others of the Judean countryside who are ready and willing to hand David over to Saul.  Yet, it seems Saul is not so quick to enter Judah to protect such people (as in the case of Keilah).  So, the loyalty seems more to do with fear of what happened at Nob than a character assessment between the two camps of Saul and David.  That being said, Nabal seems to have missed the point of that lesson if he thought Saul would protect him, again playing a fool.

It may be just me, but I think that the point of this story is that there is room for the vengeance of God.  It's not so much that David's vengeance was a moral problem, but that it was unnecessary.  David didn't raise his sword against Saul because that demonstrated to his men that no one raises there hand against the anointed of the Lord.  This Nabal is not an anointed one of the Lord; him David could kill.  This is not the same circumstance as the previous chapter.

But even when 'justified' or perhaps culturally accepted, sometimes my actions can be outside of my Master's plan.  When He intercedes for me, then He again takes center stage, and I fade to the background.  This is as it should be.  So, not everything I can do, should be done.  I think I needed this lesson last week.

I responded harshly to a co-worker last week.  Regardless of whether I had ample reason to be provoked, I allowed myself to act on my behalf, and I think I failed to leave room for my Master to act.  Sometimes I think there is a place to respond to slights and insults, but probably not to defend myself. 

I allowed the frustration I had let build concerning my work with a customer bubble to the top and pour out in my response to her.  I felt hurt and disrespected, relegated to the position of servant.  But isn't that what I am?  Am I not a servant of the King?  I felt the work I did was important, and warranted respect from my peers, and perhaps, in my culture I'm right.  But in the eyes of my King, my work is in His service, for His purpose, and for His pleasure, not my own gratification.  I was about me, not Him.  I lived instead of died, and lost an important opportunity to serve in humility rather than lash out in pride.

I don't want to give the impression that I believe my Master wishes me to be a doormat for the rest of the world.  On the other hand, the strength showed by my Master as He served was not in his ability to thwart insults, but in His ability to withstand them.  It was my Master Who used the insults of others, their persecution of Him, their lack of understanding and acceptance of Him to save all of humanity.  Now that is a reversal, and one from which I did not learn.  There was a better response, a response of humility, and one demonstrating the character of my Master rather than my damaged pride.  I missed that one.

So, the lesson I learn is to die to self, to accept the role of servant, and to permit my Master His place of center stage, where He belongs.  I can apologize, but I would rather respond initially in a way that needs no apology.  I need to stop having a 'crow lunch' and start serving others.  This, like other entries, is about submission, obedience, and acceptance of the position in which I have been placed by my Master.  Again...am I a slow learner or what?  So, die already...what the heck?  I want to live a resurrected life, not some sort of zombie version of my sinful past.  What an idiot.

Facing The Ground, Addressing The King

So he said to his men, "Far be it from me because of the LORD that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD'S anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, since he is the LORD'S anointed."  David persuaded his men with these words and did not allow them to rise up against Saul. And Saul arose, left the cave, and went on his way.  Now afterward David arose and went out of the cave and called after Saul, saying, "My lord the king!" And when Saul looked behind him, David bowed with his face to the ground and prostrated himself. (1 Samuel 24:6-8 NASB)

 One of the qualities of David that shines through regardless of where he is or what he's doing is respect for others.  He doesn't just respect elders, but he respects other people.  He is the true warrior, defeating the foes of the people of God wherever he goes.  Yet he is also kind.  He doesn't have to be.  He is talented, gifted, very bright, and does not loose battles.  But people follow him, do what he says, go where he goes, and fight dangerous foes for him.

Consider the quality of a man who, between two audiences, bows himself before his mortal enemy because that person is the anointed king.  Those before him see that he is not what they feared.  Those behind see that he is more than what they imagined.  The 3,000 young men with Saul probably knew nothing of what David was really like, only what they had heard.  The 600 behind him in the cave knew only what they had seen as he led them through the desert running from Saul.  Now both see an expected quality.

Can I display that quality, have it as my own?  What would it take; to be able to show respect for people regardless of what they have done to me?  First, I can only assume that it would take the ability to forgive.  That is one of the most powerful actions any person can take.  Second, it would probably take honest assessment of myself before my Master.  That is one of the most powerful visions any person can have.

Seeing myself as my Master sees me is both humbling and empowering.  Spending some time in Ephesians 2 can greatly expand any understanding of who followers of my Master are.  The truth of who we are as opposed to what we look like is one of those things that, like the vastness of the universe, is hard to grasp.  And it's not just how my Master sees me, it is the truth about the core of my being.  I am not as described in Ephesians 2 because of something I did, or some quality I've always had but ignored.  On the contrary, the extreme contrary, the things I have done, still do, and will do in the future tarnish the view of who I am.

For I have been rescued from the enemy of humanity by the free gift of my Master, through faith in Him given to me by Him, so that I can see clearly that it is not a quality of my own, removing any boasting on my part, but also any responsibility.  And I have been rescued by the Great Artist as a masterpiece of His so that I might perform the actions on behalf of my Master which He prepared from ancient times for me to live out.  Long story short; I have been changed to my very core by my Master for His purpose in His world.

That's what's true, for me, as it was for David.  It's what enabled David to bow before the wildly insane king pursuing his life.  It's what enables me to respect the difficult customers, teammates, managers, friends, foes, and family around me.  The truth of who I am because of my Master takes away the need to protect myself, provide for myself, and attack to gain what I want.  Instead, I simply live out those activities which my Master prepared for me from the very beginning point of creation.

So, it's not my plan, even my good and wise ones; not my ability, though I may be very capable; not my wisdom, though I may be wiser than some.  Instead my life is truly about the plans of my Master, His abilities, and His wisdom.  And this is true even when I don't act like it.  Again, I have been rescued by grace.  I am who I am, even if I sometimes forget.

What's With The 'Wing'?

The men of David said to him, "Behold, this is the day of which the LORD said to you, 'Behold; I am about to give your enemy into your hand, and you shall do to him as it seems good to you.'" Then David arose and cut off the edge of Saul's robe secretly.  It came about afterward that David's conscience bothered him because he had cut off the edge of Saul's robe.  So he said to his men, "Far be it from me because of the LORD that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD'S anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, since he is the LORD'S anointed."  David persuaded his men with these words and did not allow them to rise up against Saul. And Saul arose, left the cave, and went on his way. (1 Samuel 24:4-7 NASB)

I'm trying to imagine how this event went down, and I'm struggling with it.  So, Saul saunters (or more likely moves with swift intention) alone into this cave.  Coming from light to dark, his eyes can't see the extent of the cave recesses.  And then, a safe distance into the cave, perhaps to one side, he 'covers his feet' (a Hebrew euphemism for 'cop a squat').  Unbeknownst to him, in those dark recesses he couldn't see upon entering, are hidden his quarry, David and his men.  That's the setup for the verses above.

So here are the places I struggle. 1) Caves echo, and unless there are a lot of deadening sorts of plants or something, dirt on the floor, what have you; you shouldn't be able to whisper without Saul hearing something. 2) How did David get so close to cut and cut quietly?  I'm guessing he didn't whip out his handy orange-handled Fiskers and silently snip, he had to use a knife.  Either that sucker was SHARP, or he spent some time and effort at it.  How did that happen without Saul noticing something in this cave? 3) Why the robe?  If he's following the advice of his men, what's with the piece of robe?  Was that the sign to his men to go ahead and take out their adversary; the first blow?  Next, off comes his head?

I don't think anyone really knows the answers to these questions; partly since the cave in this region (there are hundreds at least) in which this happens is not even known.  So I have only theories (go figure - you knew it had to be). 

I suspect it went down something like this:

• This cave is HUGE, enough to fit 600 or more fairly comfortably, and David's sentry gave plenty of warning that Saul's 3,000 were coming up the canyon (or wadi as they are called there).  
• I suspect sand storms over the last thousands of years or so had deposited plenty of sand near the entrance, with less as you go deeper in the cave (I've never actually been to Israel, so I'm really just guessing), which would deaden sound nearer the cave, not so much deeper in.  
• When David's men realize it's Saul (their eyes are adjusted to the dark, and Saul's aren't), they figure now's the time God provided to take out Saul and end this.  
• I can only imagine that Saul has constipation, so, therefore really taking his time and working fairly hard at what he's doing; therefore hears nothing as he is very preoccupied.
• Because what he going to be doing is usually 'messy' Saul lays his outer garment aside as he approaches the place he picks to 'take care of business'.  I would think, again as I imagine it, this would be somewhere between the squatting and grunting Saul and the door, and therefore the only light source in the cave, and a place of more 'sand'.
• David approaches very carefully, his men watching and ready.  Saul doesn't notice a sound in the sand behind him (if he's facing the cave wall or something - tactically stupid, but I suppose possible).  Saul doesn't notice a shadow passing on the wall around him as David passes between the light of the cave entrance and himself (again tactically stupid, but again, I suppose possible).  David chooses the robe over Saul himself and cuts off a piece.  Saul doesn't hear this either because he's working so hard, and/or because David is so quiet.
• As David cuts the piece of robe, something flashes through is mind.  He sees Saul, the mighty king of Israel squatting helpless over his heels working away, and realizes that this could just as easily be him.  What if one of his men wanted to be the next king?  How hard would this be?  After all, he's setting a precedent here.  His conscience attacks him (or in Hebrew, 'his heart caused him to be struck').
• David changes what he's done into a teachable moment.  Rather than signal his men with the robe to take out their adversary, he sneaks back to them past the squatting sweating king.  And he says, to them, "God forbid (and by that he means 'God do to me if I do to him') that I stretch out my hand against the Lord's anointed."  David realizes that as insane as Saul may be, he and David both are anointed of the Lord.  So David takes this time to teach his men a very important thing for them to know (for his own protection): You don't presume to strike down those anointed from God.

I don't know if you thought it through or read it through, but this lesson David teaches his men is done so well, and so powerfully, that in the Kingdom of Judah, David's line has almost no assassinations, maybe three or four incidents (one at least has a lot of people dying, but is a single incident).  Not all his offspring die of natural causes, but very few die at the hand of a usurper.  On the other hand, in the Northern Kingdom of Israel, it happens all the time.  Dynasty's are rare up there in Samaria, and that kingdom lasts much less time than David's line ruling in Judah (like 300 years less!).

I'm sure that my 'imagination' of how the events in the cave went down deviate from what really happened significantly, but the overall sense of what happened is probably close.  The lesson is unmistakeable.  While I'm not sure what the point of cutting off the robe as opposed as stabbing the squatting king actually was, the point David makes is genius, probably inspired.  David's opportunity to teach his men not to strike one anointed of God had to be a divinely created opportunity, one he didn't pass up.  But what is my lesson, my take away here?  What point can I learn from the piece of robe rather than a life?

Paul already points our that our spiritual warfare is not against people but against the 'spiritual forces of darkness in heavenly realms' (Ephesians 6:12).  So I see that lesson here, that David sees that his foe is not really Saul, but those evil things oppressing Saul.  Seeing that I suspect David is able to see himself in Saul's sandals/shoes, perhaps even his predicament (caught with his robe around his ankles).  He did not see a helpless foe as an opportunity.  That is probably the biggest thing.  In a sense, those evil things oppressing Saul were now tempting David to take the life of their pawn, and therefore his place as their human puppet (okay, I'm probably over the top in reading into this). 

The lesson my Master is teaching me is probably more that the opportunities He provides I should be taking.  So, when I come home, and see that neighbor out in the street with his kids, I should take that opportunity to engage in a 'Kingdom conversation'.  When I'm in line at Walmart for an hour or so because there's only one line open for all 20,000 people in my city congregated in the store at the same time (why do they do that? Both, my town and the store), then I should take the opportunity for a 'Kingdom conversation'. 

There are opportunities all around me to engage the enemy of my Master, and bring in the light of my Master's Kingdom into the dark strongholds, offer release to captives, and plunder the camps of the Devil.  And he knows it.  So those opportunities are also to draw fire, flaming arrows requiring faith, chest shots requiring righteousness, head shots requiring salvation, and having the equipment handy provided by truth.  The sword I borrow from the Spirit of my Master divides soul and spirit, joints and morrow; what could be a more effective weapon than that?  Why, if I'm so well equipped, do I not take these afforded opportunities?

So, my challenge is to put it on, take it up, go forth, stand, pray, and engage.  If the gates of hell cannot stand against the called out ones of my Master, why aren't I kicking them in?  It's time.  "Let's roll!"

Who Gives Up Their Hero?

Now David knew that Saul was plotting evil against him; so he said to Abiathar the priest, "Bring the ephod here."  Then David said, "O LORD God of Israel, Your servant has heard for certain that Saul is seeking to come to Keilah to destroy the city on my account.  Will the men of Keilah surrender me into his hand? Will Saul come down just as Your servant has heard? O LORD God of Israel, I pray, tell Your servant." And the LORD said, "He will come down."  Then David said, "Will the men of Keilah surrender me and my men into the hand of Saul?" And the LORD said, "They will surrender you."  Then David and his men, about six hundred, arose and departed from Keilah, and they went wherever they could go. When it was told Saul that David had escaped from Keilah, he gave up the pursuit. (1 Samuel 23:9-13 NASB)

 In the account of Saul's pursuit of David, one of the elements I really never understood was the willingness of the people to surrender David to Saul.  This seemed almost infuriating, how could they?  How could they not notice the weak sanity of Saul?  How could they not notice the faith and strength of David?  How could they not see such stark differences between them and choose the obvious choice?

This is a perfect example of my difficulty.  The people of Keilah in Judah are being attacked by Philistines, and it's David who comes to rescue them.  When Saul hears of it, he's elated that David is now shut up in a city where he can be found.  When David inquires of God, God makes it clear that David will be handed over to Saul by the people of Keilah.  How is that even possible?  I looked it over from the Hebrew, and there's no other way to read it.  It's sad.  It's crazy, as crazy as Saul.

So, my assumption is that people should see how bad Saul is and throw their lot in with David.  To get to this point I had to read chapter 22, where Saul tells Doeg the Edomite to kill the priests of Nob, and who then proceeds to initiate the ban on the entire city, men, women, children, infants, and livestock.  Okay, so perhaps it's the smoldering ruin of Nob that gives people the sense of which side is safest, in their best interest, best for their families and livelihood.

And then there's the other element to this story that it was God sending David to Keilah in the first place.  God sends him there knowing the people would be faithless to David.  That just seems so weird.  Why would He do that?  It just seems sometimes in Scripture that God is being just as faithless as the people, doesn't it?  It just doesn't seem fair.  Think of David's men; they didn't want to go to Keilah out of fear, and now, it seems they were right.  How faithful would that make them toward David?  How easy is for him to lead them into battle now?  Well, actually, easier.

David has 400 men when he starts at Addullum in chapter 22, leaving Keilah he now has 600.  I don't know, it doesn't say where these additional 200 came from, but I wonder if it was men of Keilah.  Probably not anywhere near 200, but I bet some were.  I bet the faithfulness and devotion of David for the people of Judah was crystal clear to many.  His willingness to go where God sent regardless of cost, how he always seems to come out on top of difficult situations, that he never wavers in his devotion to God or to the people; it probably made a deep impression. 

These are the qualities with which I struggled in ministry.  When the people were faithless toward me, would I still fight for them?  When God seemed to be leading me into danger on behalf of these faithless people, would I remain obedient to Him?  The thing that led me out of vocational ministry was finally reaching a point where I became convinced that these people couldn't see past me to my Master.  They were so focused on me they couldn't hear anything else.  It was amazing. 

On the other hand, it could have been that I was focused on me; my problems, my pain, my frustration with them.  It could have been that I was not what distracted them, it was this world, their problems, their lack of faith, and their inability to be honest.  All these things probably stemmed from fear, but I didn't stay there long enough to know what lay beneath.

So was I right to remove myself from the equation? Was it the right thing to get out of the way so God could have His voice without my interference?  I don't know.  I suspect that I needed to go, that vocational ministry wasn't my thing, at least not there.  But I don't know.  I see here that the faithfulness of others to him didn't deter David.  I see that He was obedient even when it didn't make sense, and the odds were against him.  I see that David set his heart against the enemies of God and His people, not against those seeking David's life; which is probably the hardest lesson I see here.

And so I learn that I need to stop fighting the wrong battles.  I see that I need to start seeking the real enemy (which seems surreal if you think about it).  I'm beginning to understand that the righteousness of others is not to be my motivation for serving them, or even for continuing to serve them.  It's starting to dawn on me that my Master is less interested in my safety than my usefulness in His Kingdom; against His enemies as opposed to against His faithless people. 

But not all are faithless.  As I suspect some of the 200 came from Keilah, faithful ones who understood the difference between David and Saul; so I suspect I will see my Master work in the lives of others for transformation, just as He works in mine.  Even if their faith is weak, isn't mine?  I can change, but so can they.  My faith can grow, and so can theirs.  Perhaps I will lead others, others discontent with the status quo, the usual, the norm.  But then I should be leading them in the path of faithfulness of my pursuit of my Master, shouldn't I?  Well, time to whip out the machete and get to 'trail-busting'; leaving a swath for others to follow in pursuit of my Master's work.  Perhaps I should sharpen it first?

Frightening Things About A Holy God

Now one of the servants of Saul was there that day, detained before the LORD; and his name was Doeg the Edomite, the chief of Saul's shepherds. (1 Samuel 21:7 NASB)

 In almost every translation I have, Doeg is described as 'detained before the Lord'.  This is one of the few verses that I've run into where something like this is so commonly translated in so many versions.  The word in Hebrew can looked up in a Strong's Concordance as H6113 or here at the Blue Letter Bible website (one of my favorite online resources). 

The word is most often used for when God 'shuts' the windows of heaven during a drought, or shuts the wombs of women so they don't bear children, and so on.  The key here is that the word is not ordinarily used for what people do (unless to point out what they 'cannot do'), but rather for what God does.  If you read the rest of this story (into chapter 22), consider that, according to the writer, God caused Doeg to be present knowing he would betray and destroy the priests of Nob and their entire city.

Doeg's presence precipitates one of the darkest days of Israel.  King Saul has the entire city, men, women, children, infants, and animals wiped out.  In his paranoia he goes over the top in his punishment of priests; priests who weren't even rebellious or in defiance before him.  His servants wouldn't carry out his order to slay the priests, only this Doeg character.  So, why would a loving, holy omniscient God restrain such a character in Nob to witness David getting help from them?

First off, I don't really know.  I do have a theory though (go figure).  Not often in these places are we given that many clues, but here I think I can find a possible answer combined from two places.  The first is 1 Samuel 2:27-36; the prophecy against the house of Eli.  In it is this phrase:

'Behold, the days are coming when I will break your strength and the strength of your father's house so that there will not be an old man in your house.  You will see the distress of My dwelling, in spite of all the good that I do for Israel; and an old man will not be in your house forever.  Yet I will not cut off every man of yours from My altar so that your eyes will fail from weeping and your soul grieve, and all the increase of your house will die in the prime of life. (1 Samuel 2:31-33 NASB)

So, in a sense, due to the sins of Eli and his sons, the house of Aaron (not Levi, but Eli within the house of Aaron) would be cut off both from the land and from serving before the altar.

The second clue I find in 1 Kings 2:26, 27 where Solomon dismisses Abiathar (the last remaining priest from Eli's line) from service:

Then to Abiathar the priest the king said, "Go to Anathoth to your own field, for you deserve to die; but I will not put you to death at this time, because you carried the ark of the Lord GOD before my father David, and because you were afflicted in everything with which my father was afflicted." So Solomon dismissed Abiathar from being priest to the LORD, in order to fulfill the word of the LORD, which He had spoken concerning the house of Eli in Shiloh. (1 Kings 2:26-27 NASB)

What I surmise from these two passages is that the destruction of the priest of Nob was actually 'arranged' by God; which is very frightening to me.  What I mean by this is that the Loving King of Righteousness, in justice and judgment, restrained Doeg so that his presence would bring about a portion of His judgment against the priestly line of Eli.  At least, that's my theory.

And here's what I learn from this:  Not all my problems from other people are persecution for righteousness.  In fact, at least in my case, I would contend I suffer the consequences for my sin.  But beyond this, when my sin before my Master is great, these consequences can also be severe on my family; guilt-by-association or environment or something.  It's a reminder that my sin is not just about me, but about those around me. 

I hope therefore, that my repentance is also about others, not just me; that my heart broken before my Master will also positively affect others around me.  Truly, my sin, in addition to all the other reasons in my dark heart, is also selfish in that I afflict others without regard for their consequences.  So, I hope also my brokenness before my Master will be selfless, before my Master, and before others.  Strength to resist sin becomes something I exert for my Master, but also for those around me.  Once again, it's less about me.  Good grief, I really do need to just fade to the background, and be lost behind the view of my Master.

The Meaning of Tears

When the lad was gone, David rose from the south side and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed three times. And they kissed each other and wept together, but David wept the more.  Jonathan said to David, "Go in safety, inasmuch as we have sworn to each other in the name of the LORD, saying, 'The LORD will be between me and you, and between my descendants and your descendants forever.'" Then he rose and departed, while Jonathan went into the city. (1 Samuel 20:41-42 NASB)

The 'test' of Jonathan's father, Saul, did not turn out well.  Jonathan indicated it to David with a boy and arrows, and now they both know Saul is out to hunt down David and kill him.  Jonathan recognizes his position, his responsibilities, and what he needs to do.  It is never recorded that he ever goes out with Saul after David, in fact, he's not mentioned again until the final battle of Saul.  It is truly a sad parting.

The writer includes the detail that David wept more.  In the first part of the chapter, in the initial encounter and dialogue, it seems that David is actually upset with Jonathan.  Jonathan seems to be the one initiating a covenant, and even includes a comment that he not be killed, and that it include their offspring.  Because of that, I don't believe that David loves Jonathan more than Jonathan, but rather that Jonathan bears a greater weight at the moment.

Jonathan gave his stuff to the boy and sent him back into the city with it.  He knew he had to go back into the realm of his father.  He knew he had a life of responsibilities there that he could not ignore, and from which it would be wrong of him to leave.  I doubt he even thought it possible.  I suspect that, instead, Jonathan looked with a sort of dread upon his future and the future of his father's kingdom. 

With all the problems posed by a real enemy of Israel; the Philistines, Canaanites, even rogue Hebrews, the problem absorbing Saul was David; who was not a threat.  This does not bode well for Israel.  This is a misplaced focus, and it had to evident to all, but who would defy the 'emperor without clothes'?  The kingdom is about to descend into disarray and anarchy.  I suspect the weight of his vision of the 'train-wreck' coming weighed heavier on Jonathan than David's departure.

So, as I paint this circumstance (mostly in my mind rather than truly explained in Scripture - so mere conjecture) it seems to me that Jonathan is in a position where his faith enables him to see the problem (Saul obsessed with David to the detriment of the kingdom), but also that he is held in its path by his real responsibilities within the community.  In a sense, he sees his own doom.

I also note that this faith does override his 'responsibilities' on the military side as he never goes out with Saul after David.  He sees the inevitable 'train-wreck' but refuses to put more coal into the engine to speed things up.  He sees the inevitable 'train-wreck' but dutifully remains on the train where his responsibilities remain; perhaps he can alleviate some of the effects on the community by remaining.

I also suspect that I am reading into this some qualities of my own.  I have been accused of sticking with 'lost causes' to the bitter end; usually out of stubbornness.  That may be true.  Even in games, where the stakes were meaningless, I have done what I thought needed to be done regardless of what I knew they would cost me (okay, not 'meaningless' entirely, but not significant either).  I'm not sure why I do that or where I learned to approach things that way.  But I do.  Maybe Jonathan doesn't here.  But I still learn a lesson from him.

I am called (i.e. placed somewhere for something by my Master - there's a divine purpose) to where I am for this time.  I believe that my Master has called me here and now for some form of service, and I suspect that it has to do with a marriage mentoring program my wife and I are heading up.  At least I see that as a major part of His purpose. 

The program is lacking momentum, and the danger for me is look at it as a 'lost cause' or a 'waste of time'.  It's not.  The problems of my community require this service as part of any solution.  It is the time for this program, and this is definitely the place that needs it.  Through it I believe my Master can bring hope to a people and to a place without it.  It's just been hard to get people who initially said they want to be a part to communicate or keep it as a priority.  There are lots of reasons but the results are what have me concerned.

So, do I look at the situation and decide that what has people distracted (the stuff of daily life) has vanquished this service to the community?  Do I see a 'train-wreck' in trying to get this program off the ground?  Maybe, but I also see that by staying in it, I may be then available to my Master to make what He will with who He sends and with what He provides.  It will be a program about Him rather than me and my wife.  Jonathan submitted himself to the community, and his availability cost him his life.  I don't face any such sacrifice.  Instead, all that is needed is for me to continue in the path laid out by my Master and not 'jump ship (or trains as it were)' to some other program that I suspect has a better chance of success.  I truly think the light at the end of the tunnel is the glory of my Master rather than another train.  Time to pile on the coal!